Young Writers Society

Hey there lemonayyde (cool name, btw ). Tuck here for a quick review. Let's jump right into it!

(For the first time, that is).

I and she grew (as us humans do),

This should be "she and I"

Overall Thoughts

The first thing that jumped out at me was your lack of stanzas. I think that adding in stanzas will improve your poem because it provides natural pauses, like paragraphs in prose. It gives the reader a bit of a break and helps to separate it up more naturally so that it doesn't feel like a big run-on sentence.

Secondly, I think that you could better utilize capitalization and punctuation to improve your flow here. Playing with capitals will make the sentences feel more conjoined and the thoughts feel more complete. Punctuation will also go a long way, for obvious reasons. Just like punctuation is a necessary part of prose writing, punctuation also is necessary in poetry to dictate the way the sentences are read and create the ideal effect on a writer, not to mention the necessity for some of these longer thoughts to be broken up by commas and dashes and such.

And finally, I noticed when I was reading that you said your sister was born when you were six, but later said that when you were fifteen, your sister was eleven, which is a four year age gap instead of a six year age gap. Something there doesn't quite add up, so that's something to consider while editing.

But overall, I like some of the thoughts you had here! The concept of the innocence of age is one that is fun to explore in poetry, and I like what you have here. I think with a bit of work and a few touch-ups you could make this into something truly inspiring and wonderful. If you have any questions about my review, just let me know and I'll do my best to clear up any confusion! Best of luck in your future writing endeavors!

~MJTucker