“Are you one of them?
The question hung in the air as it left Sarah’s lips, her eyes remaining fixated on the wall in front of her. It was cracked and crumbling just like every other building around her. Just like the dry skin of her hands as they twisted uncomfortably at the silence that followed. Rough calluses combined with the painful peeling of her fingers serving as a reminder. A reminder that this skin was real, that these thoughts were real, and that the boy beside her was likely not. At least not anymore.
“It's okay, you can tell me if you are.” She continued when there was nothing but the whistle of wind rushing past her ears, hurrying to correct herself in concern of scaring off her only friend. “I don't mind. I just…” She paused, ignoring the tears threatening to fall. “I want to know if I can stop looking. I want this to be done.”
When she still received no response Sarah looked over at the pale boy beside her, his lips still sealed tightly shut and his knees pulled to his chest. His clothes, unlike hers, were pristine in a way almost incomprehensible for the world around them. He looked so perfect in the midst of it all, so unblemished. She wished she could reach out and touch him. She was too afraid to try.
She needed to know.
“Please.” She hated the way her voice cracked as she spoke. It sounded like a starving dog begging for a scrap of food...Not that she was above that, but it's not like she had found many people to beg.
Depending on his answer, that could easily change to not finding many to finding none. She didn't want to have to think about that right now, but as he finally opened his mouth, looking as if he hadn't taken in a breath at all, she braced for the worst.
“I am. I'm sorry.” He looked at her, and for the first time, she really looked back. Looked into the green of his eyes and saw it. Saw the way the green had lost the liveliness of the nature that had reclaimed the world around them. They had lost the spunk that life always seemed to carry with it...Like that of a freshly chopped down tree, his light was fading. His eyes were dying.
He was already dead.
Grandma always said eyes were the gateway to one's soul.
Sarah let out a shaky breath as she turned her face away, letting the tears tingle her face as they slid down her dirty cheeks. Wordlessly she got to her feet, tattered dress feeling as if it were weighing her down. For a moment she wondered if the world was trying to tug her down deeper and deeper until she suffocated into the earth. She almost wished it would.
Nevertheless, she turned around and smiled, like she always did. She held out her hand as she had so many times before, watched him raise his to try and get pulled up by her. It went right through, just as they both knew it would.
For a moment she almost believed that she saw tears reflecting in his eyes as she pulled away, but that's impossible. Dead people don't cry, even if sometimes, she wished they could. Then maybe she wouldn't have the only tears in the world.
“It's okay. I'll keep looking.” She said as she turned and slid down the wall, facing where the boy sat, still. “Thank you for keeping me company.”
The boy smiled, but she felt nothing. She cared for no one but herself once more. He disappeared, faded back into the air she breathed, and the tears stopped.
She was alone.
The last person alive in this hell.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hi! Manilla here for a review.
The mystery of the setting and the boy and the world she is in all add to the tension of the current scene. Some questions you propose, like the relationship of the characters, is better left unanswered. There's also so much emotion woven into this piece, and it reminds you that you too are human.
I get what you're trying to say, but the second part could be rewritten for clarity, perhaps like:
...but she didn't find anyone else to beg to.
Once again, I get what you're saying here, but I don't think "tingle" is the best word to use.
Slightly confused on what's going on. But wasn't he already dead? You mentioned that previously...Unless this is an illusion of the boy Sarah knows.
This line hints at the fact that in Sarah's world, death is commonplace...Or maybe a hint of her character. Like all the other subtle and not-so-subtle nuances in this piece, they all seem to come together nicely.
Well done!
-Manilla out
(Feel free to disregard any comment you deem unhelpful or rude. That was not my intention.)
I totally understand what you mean with the sentences you pointed out! I have contemplated changing them many times but could never tell if I should, so I will make sure to fix it! As for why she can still see the boy despite him being dead, I suppose it would only make sense if I had provided my original idea for the piece that I decided against turning into a full story- A girl living in a post-apocalyptic world who can see ghosts.
Greetings, and welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy it here!
The story is very capitvating, and it makes me wonder what led up to this, and what would happen after! I was a bit confused about "Saw the way the green had lost the liveliness of the nature that surrounded them." I would assume, from "...her eyes fixated on the wall in front of her. It was cracked and crumbling just like every other building around her", that this is most likely a post-apoctolyptic city, and there would be little to no greenery near Sarah and the boy. There were some other small errors, but otherwise the story was quite impressive. Nice job!
Ah, I can totally see where you would have thought that! I meant to imply that the post-apocalyptic city was overgrown with plants and mother nature was finally reclaiming what was rightfully hers
Thank you so much for the review! I'll look through for the other errors as well and see if I can fix them.