Young Writers Society

I really liked this poem! And i can imagine the pain just from reading it! Very emotional and truue! Keep it up!

You did an awsome job in your writing.

Wow. Nice poem. You really capture the sadness and depression with a bunch of great descriptions! I might suggest only having one space between each line instead of two but I couldn't spot any other grammar errors. Now taht you have the over all feel, here are some little things.


"#00FF00 ">I poured my heart out to you Nice opener.
#00FF00 ">Only to have it scooped up and cut into little pieces of lies Nice visual here. Goes nicely with the pouring of the heart, because it all relates to food. Ok, that sounds weird the way I explained it. But you get the point.
If I had imagined then, what I have seen now
I would've believed them when they told me not to trust you
But, I didn't see it then as we talked and we shared those silent secrets
I see it now as I look back
At how your laugh was forced, even if it was a joke you made
#FF0000 ">And as I sit here in this hospital full with victims, your victims If this is a metaphorical hosiptal, awesome. If not, explain what you mean by hospital. I'm confused.
I can see the slight turn of your lips
And the faint crease in your brow
I can see how it was all planned
You had your knife of lies set out
The knife that you plunged into my dreams
#FF0000 ">Into my very reason for living This seems cliche and weak
And you walked away when your job was done
#00FF00 ">Leaving me to pick up my own heart Good. This tells me you're brave.
The heart you plunged that knife of lies into
You darkened the world for my already blind eyes
How could you still live?
No, how could I still live?
And watch you prosper in the riches of the land
As you smile, that fake plastic smile
I sit back and cry
My torn out heart on a#FF0000 "> leash of sadness" A leash of sadness??? Change leash to chain or something more eveil sounding.


Ok, those are just my personal opinions. Do what you want. It's your poem. And also a very good poem! Nice job and keep writing!
-Cammie

No spelling mistakes, no grammar mistakes, I loved the topic, and there's really nothing else to say. Damn you are making this job of reviewing so hard.

I couldn't find any spelling errors and the poem was great. Keep writing!

I absolutely love this poem hugs*

I poured my heart out to you

Only to have it scooped up and cut into little pieces of lies

If I had imagined then, what I have seen now

I would've believed them when they told me not to trust you

But, I didn't see it then as we talked and we shared those silent secrets

I see it now as I look back

At how your laugh was forced, even if it was a joke you made

And as I sit here in this hospital full with victims, your victims

I can see the slight turn of your lips

And the faint crease in your brow

I can see how it was all planned

You had your knife of lies set out

The knife that you plunged into my dreams

Into my very reason for living

And you walked away when your job was done

Leaving me to pick up my own heart

The heart you plunged that knife of lies into

You darkened the world for my already blind eyes

How could you still live?

No, how could I still live?

And watch you prosper in the riches of the land

As you smile, that fake plastic smile

I sit back and cry

My torn out heart on a leash of sadness