Published March 19, 2011
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140,234 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Other than a few grammar nitpicks, I think this poem is very well written. People can definitely relate to this poem because we know that most people live in their own little world, their own little bubble where everything is perfect and there is no starvation, death, or poverty. I think this poem really opens eyes to what is really going on out there, and in my opinion- shatters the wall and pops the bubble that most live in unaware. Keep writing, you have a talent!
Lindsay
"Keep your feet on the ground and your thoughts at lofty heights!" ~me
Hey
here as promised again. This was really good, and it proved a great point. People don't always realize the horrors going on right before their eyes. Thats why I want to be a missonary. (remember, sakuragirl1 here). It was well written and I love what you did with the idea of the poem. Once again, you don't have a very good flow, but keep trying and it will come. It's hard, and sometimes I force rhymes and have no flow too, so don't feel alone. Keep writing, esspecially these real, down to earth messages everyone needs, but not always wants, to hear. We need it.
Oooh I have no idea! Who is she?
Only a couple of nitpicks for you:
But they're still alive so I assume you meant the deaths of friends or family. I think this needs to be clearer.
You may want a full stop here, or maybe an elipsis?
Surely this should be 'of the hurt and pain'?
Other than those mini things it was good! Now I really want to work it out *bangs head on laptop keys*