During that summer, when my stomach was always tied in knots and it felt like the wind was always punched straight out of my gut, I felt free by the time fall fluttered into my neighborhood. Like a warm hug, and like leaves flitted around and landed in shallow, cold puddles. The tips of my boots were soaking, but the droplets rolled off like sweat stains during a backyard chase with my dog. The air was crisp, nipping at my nose and the apples of my cheeks. My fingers were cold too, despite being nestled inside the hand-knit gloves I’ve had since middle school. Overall, fall was starting to become winter, then after it would become spring, and then, summer again. I could already see myself becoming overwhelmingly frightened during the next summer. Sweat would bead down my neck in excess, soaking the fine blond hairs that had jumped up. But I shook my head. Those thoughts—summer itself—can wait. Fall was holding my hand right now, and I’d be a fool to not cherish her while it was still here.
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Hello legendarycomputerpoetry! Incoming review!
You could add more to it like See how I added more imagery to really paint a picture but still get the point across? Some lines could use a bit of that to make the poem even better.I liked the imagery you used in your poem. It was quite fascinating. I also have a soft spot for seasonal poetry. Anyway let me get on with the review!
I'll start with critique. The starkly noticeable thing here is that there are no line breaks whatsoever. You labeled this as poetry, and of course there is such a thing as prose poetry, but I think your poem could benefit greatly from some line breaks. The great themes you have along with imagery could pop out individually.
My advice for going about it would be to take each sentence and make it its own line. Then with each break or natural pause, add a line break there. That way, each wonderful part of your writing has it's own place to shine. Nothing is wrong with prose, but I think it would accentuate your writing.
If you wanted to keep this in the poetry route, perhaps make some of your ideas more flowery I guess. What i mean by this is taking a line such as
Okay, done with critique, let me praise your work! Some of my favourite uses of your imagery are in lines such as and I can see these things happening. I can see a little wind spirit leaving you, I can see the sweat creeping down the neck.
The entire theme of the poem is also nice. I feel like fall/autumn doesn't get enough love. I appreciate how you express you love for the season as well as personifying fall. I would have loved to see more of it though ;)
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of this useful. And of course, you can ignore anything that you didn't find helpful. Have a great day and I hope to see you write some more stuff. Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeee
Hmm, this is a really interesting image.
First of all, your poem starts out very strong. I love the description of how you felt in summer -- I feel strong emotion in descriptions of being tied in knots and punched in the gut. Your transition, of fall fluttering into the neighborhood is perfect, too.
After that, I think you could take some time refining the language around your images. For example, if I imagine that your boot tips are soaked, I can't also imagine droplets rolling off because soaked implies they are stuck within. Are droplets rolling off of something else, like jacket sleeves? I do like both of the wet images, because they evoke the autumn rain and wet leaves on the ground perfectly, but just need a bit of clarification.
Also, I love that you want to include hand-knit gloves, but that description seems to expository and obvious. Who knit them? Maybe you could say your "fingers were cold, even wrapped up in knit gloves from grandma that find their way out of the hope chest each autumn since middle school."
Finally, the last part of this poem seems unworked. It seems to just fall into prose description instead of being presented poetically when you describe what will happen the next summer. It's all literal description that doesn't give me any feeling. Also, the image of fall holding your hand is strong -- you know that because you've put it as your title, but the second part of the last sentence is again too expository. How can you express the idea of being foolish to not cherish this season while it's here in a way that evokes more image or feeling?
I hope these comments make sense to you! If you have any questions, please feel free to message me or reply here.
Hannah