Young Writers Society

Hello legendarycomputerpoetry! Incoming review!

I liked the imagery you used in your poem. It was quite fascinating. I also have a soft spot for seasonal poetry. Anyway let me get on with the review!

I'll start with critique. The starkly noticeable thing here is that there are no line breaks whatsoever. You labeled this as poetry, and of course there is such a thing as prose poetry, but I think your poem could benefit greatly from some line breaks. The great themes you have along with imagery could pop out individually.

My advice for going about it would be to take each sentence and make it its own line. Then with each break or natural pause, add a line break there. That way, each wonderful part of your writing has it's own place to shine. Nothing is wrong with prose, but I think it would accentuate your writing.

If you wanted to keep this in the poetry route, perhaps make some of your ideas more flowery I guess. What i mean by this is taking a line such as

Overall, fall was starting to become winter, then after it would become spring, and then, summer again.

The fall leaves started to die, and then they'd regain greenness, only to fall in a flurry of colors soon after.

...when my stomach was always tied in knots and it felt like the wind was always punched straight out of my gut...

Sweat would bead down my neck in excess, soaking the fine blond hairs that had jumped up.

Hmm, this is a really interesting image.

First of all, your poem starts out very strong. I love the description of how you felt in summer -- I feel strong emotion in descriptions of being tied in knots and punched in the gut. Your transition, of fall fluttering into the neighborhood is perfect, too.

After that, I think you could take some time refining the language around your images. For example, if I imagine that your boot tips are soaked, I can't also imagine droplets rolling off because soaked implies they are stuck within. Are droplets rolling off of something else, like jacket sleeves? I do like both of the wet images, because they evoke the autumn rain and wet leaves on the ground perfectly, but just need a bit of clarification.

Also, I love that you want to include hand-knit gloves, but that description seems to expository and obvious. Who knit them? Maybe you could say your "fingers were cold, even wrapped up in knit gloves from grandma that find their way out of the hope chest each autumn since middle school."

Finally, the last part of this poem seems unworked. It seems to just fall into prose description instead of being presented poetically when you describe what will happen the next summer. It's all literal description that doesn't give me any feeling. Also, the image of fall holding your hand is strong -- you know that because you've put it as your title, but the second part of the last sentence is again too expository. How can you express the idea of being foolish to not cherish this season while it's here in a way that evokes more image or feeling?

I hope these comments make sense to you! If you have any questions, please feel free to message me or reply here.

Hannah