When i fall, i stand back up.
Miracles have happened, and you've seen them.
I feel at home, now, in a place of agony...
in a place of twisted hate that no one deserves.
My body belongs, I can feel it pull against my every attempt to leave,
because my mind knows better, and it knows i need to get away.
I like being alone, but your body is warm, and I am so cold.
Hold me for just one more second,
so I can continue down the path i've already chosen.
You can't come, and I can't turn around.
You've know that from the beginning.
It's the right direction, although i can't see the light at the end any better then you can.
Yes I lied. Because I don't like to see you cry.
Just kiss me again, so I can jump now. I need to go.
Maybe someone will meet me at the bottom. Maybe they will understand.
It's okay. Please don't cry.
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hi there, leftt! Welcome to YWS!
First off: It is a requirement and a major rule here that you post at LEAST 2 reviews for other stories or poems before you post anything of yours. Make sure to read the rules and guidelines before posting anything else, ok?
This was a pretty good opening; however, I would remove the ellipses.
This is also a very nice follow-up and backs up your earlier statement about home being a place of agony.
I think you veered the topic of your poem a bit off-course here. You go from talking about home to love. Hmm...
I think that the third line is a bit long. Remember: this is a poem, not a story. Don't tell us so much as show us.
Ok, so that's a pretty powerful ending to a slightly confusing poem. I understand what you were trying to express, but I feel that you could've given us a clearer idea. Yes, we see that you can't get away from home or your love, but don't you think you could've blended those two ideas together a little better? Instead, you just go from home to talking about being alone.
And after reading this through, what has the first line got to do with anything? I think that was the major thing that irked me in this poem. This piece had nothing to do with miracles; at the end you express your wishes of escaping life, which has nothing to do with miracles.
Overall, just keep working on it.
But remember to review other stuff also! That's very important in being a well-rounded writer.
*anti-pop