Published July 25, 2011
These fires will consume and haunt my whole life
The flames tinge the edges of my heart
And burn it from the inside out
Slowly but surely killing my entire being
The flames tinge the edges of my heart
Incinerating the only shred of hope I have left
The heat reaches my many thoughts too
Reducing them to nothing but ash
It incinerates the only shred of hope I have left
I unwillingly let the blaze suffocate me
Reducing me to nothing but ash
It fiercely takes control as I succumb
I unwillingly let the blaze suffocate me
It chars every inch of my soul
It fiercely takes control as I succumb
This inferno sea will forever scorch me
It chars every inch of my soul
And burns it from the inside out
This inferno sea with forever scorch me
These fires will consume and haunt my whole life
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138,055 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
This is a pretty good poem, leeanna13097! However, just a few suggestions: try to go for some punctuation, because it's difficult to get the full effect of your poem without any breaks or pauses, such as periods or semicolons. Another thing I'm not too crazy about is some repetition you're using, such as:
"The flames tinge the edges of my heart
Incinerating the only shred of hope I have left (here)
The heat reaches my many thoughts too
Reducing them to nothing but ash
It incinerates the only shred of hope I have left (and here)
I unwillingly let the blaze suffocate me
Reducing me to nothing but ash
It fiercely takes control as I succumb."
I don't know, I just think the repetition is unnecessary if you already stated something; I know that in poetry, it's generally ok, but I just don't like it in this poem's case, no offense of course!
All in all, it's a good poem! I especially like the imagery of the second stanza! Keep it up!
-PG
This is a fairly good poem:D Of course I've only really recently started writing poetry myself, but in my current best judgement it's good:D
Where did you get the idea? What was your inspiration to write this? You're talking about your heart burning from the inside out and I can only wonder if it was something you just completely made up or if it relates to you.
Keep up the good work:D ~C.C.
Okay, so, Captain Nitpick here. I'm afraid I'm going to be a mite harsher than usual. Be aware I'm not the master of poetry, though.
Um, yes. Anyway. The first stanza was--flat. I can't find another word. It was like a group of fragments but with no lyrical quality from what I could see (I'm terribly guilty about saying this, but it wasn't--there?). The second stanza was my favorite and the rest was fine until the last line, anyway.
Basically, it was good. I liked it. However, the flatness of the first stanza sort of seem--odd to me. I don't know. It's like two poems were Frankenstein'd together. I don't know. You could probably sing it rather well. I'm assuming it would make a good song--it sort of has that Death Cab vibe--but, well, it was just off-kilter to me.
Of course, you could have been going for off-kilter and my OCD is ruining things for me.
Anyway, keep at it and I hope you continue to write poetry. I also hope I wasn't too much of a buzzkill and this will help you. So, yeah--if you write some new stuff, feel free to let me know. I'd like to see it. In that second stanza I could definitely see some potential.
-Cspr
Hi, Leeanna!
At first when I was reading this I thought "Hmm, I've seen poems like this many times before", but when I got further I realised that this was actually quite clever. The recycling of the lines added an interesting touch. It definitely saved this poem in my opinion, as the language in it was in the end quite basic and lacked some new, original imagery.
This reminds me of a game of Domino, somehow! I'm sure that this is the sort of poem that would make me notice new things about it every time I'd read it, which is one of the best things that can happen to a reader.
Hm, I'm having a hard time coming up with things to say about this. That might be either a good or bad thing - in this case I fear it might be on the worse side. You see, if you hadn't done the clever thing with the lines, my review would probably have even less substance than now. You don't have grammar mistakes or spelling errors - good. You've come up with an original way of writing a poem - definitely good. But other than that, you don't really have anything particularly unforgettable in this. There are some words associated with fire and burning, which is the core of this poem, but other descriptive words/images you don't really have.
I like "inferno sea", by the way.
So, my main suggestion for you would be to experiment with different images and new metaphors. It might really difficult at first if you're not used to it, but what I tend to do when trying to describe something is I close my eyes and try to see the thing I'm describing. Then I try to see it with "different" eyes in order to decide what it actually looks like. Intuition is your best friend when doing this.
Good luck!
Demeter
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