Published December 28, 2007
Maybe if you keep pulling the strings you might find something or maybe not. If you keep pulling the strings a miracle could happen or maybe not.
But if you keep pulling the strings you will eventually achieve something wonderful!
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141,288 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
I agree that you need to use poetry format here. Beyond that, the poem is rather formulaic. There is little in the way of technique and even less in the way of literary devices (e.g. metaphors, similes, etc.). I also felt the constant "maybe...but maybe not" repetition was rather...pointless. It cancelled itself out, if you see what I mean?
I suggest you try going deeper. You want to create a poem that is accessible to the reader. At this point, it feels like a list of your thoughts and as such offers little insight or illumination. Try expanding this with a story or some interesting imagery and description. Add a little pizazz! I'm sure you'll get the hang of it in no time
Cheers,
~bubbles
Hey Maya!
Maybe you could try using poem format? Like:
Maybe,
If you keep pulling the strings
You might find something.
Or maybe not.
If you keep pulling
the strings a
miracle could happen.
Or maybe not.
But if you keep
Pulling the strings
You will eventually achieve
Something wonderful.
I dont know!
I love this poem, though. I'd like to see you add a little more to it, though!
You are a great poet, Maya! :]
*teeth thing*
Peace, My Pal.
Courtneyyy :]