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139,274 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
You might want to post more. There is no story here, so there's nothing to critique.
If anything, all I can say is that this intro goes on far too long.
"Friendships are loose threads": 88 words
"People have secrets": 103 words
"Handling secrets": 59 words
Which comes out to 250 words, or nearly a full page in your average paperback. So you go on for a full page about 1) Sometimes friendships fall apart 2) Some people have secrets 3) People handle secrets differently.
And the problem is that all of these points are no-brainers, really. It's like skimming the first half of a chapter in a textbook about a subject you learned five years ago. ("I already know this, where is this going?")
Paragraph 1: You're comparing pulling at a loose thread to a friendship falling apart--which would be okay if you wanted to portray the friendship as "ehh" and "so-so" in the eyes of the main character. But then you use the phrase "trying to find the ones worth fighting for," the whole dress thread thing just seems silly. As if pulling at a loose thread is something "worth fighting for."
Paragraph 2: It's long-winded. I read it thinking, "Of course people have secrets. Of course secrets come in a variety of forms." And then you talk about "scandalous secrets", it just seems out of place because your previous examples of chilling secrets were "I'm dating a loser" "I'm a virgin" "I'm scared of the dark." Nothing that even hints at scandalous. Instead, you're making your examples and comparisons more and more everyday and bland, instead of catching our interest. None of those secrets would ruin anyone's life...at worst, it would make them feel embarrassed for a month.
Paragraph 3: You could have used this clincher better. To draw us into what you're trying to tell us. But you just end with, "How do you handle secrets?" and it sounds like the closing of a children's show. What you need to do here is hint at the terrible consequences that will unfurl in your story.
Grammar and spelling:
It's spelled "somersault"
Should be "The difficult, and sometimes annoying, part of it..." (Notice comma placement) (Lose the "seemingly" because if something is annoying you, then it's annoying...not seemingly annoying)
Overall:
Eh. Post more, and we'll see if you garner interest. But with just this straight-talk, it's going nowhere.