The Good Life - Chapter Five: Ready, Set...

Chapter Five: Ready, Set…

April exhaled and leaned against the heavy oak door of her mom’s office. The room was completely silent, expect for the steady tick-tock of the clock on the wall. The party was finally starting to slow down; several people had left already, couples bailing early so they could hook-up somewhere more private and the ones who had drank too much were picked up by their parents or shipped off in taxis. She watched as the clock ticked from 2:31 to 2:32 then she moved away from the door and went over to the leather swivel chair. She sat and propped her feet up on the desk, letting out a sigh of relief.

All night everyone had been crowding around her, asking her to take pictures with them, giving her shots, complimenting her, but that was one of the perks that came with being the hostess, along with cleaning up vomit from random surfaces. She needed room to breathe, time to think and prepare before she went upstairs with Daniel.

She closed her eyes, going over the things that Bridget and Brooke had told her, it was probably going to hurt and she would bleed… that she was okay with. It was what Bridget said that was bothering her: that things wouldn’t be the same for her and Daniel after. She had known Daniel almost as long as she had known Brooke; he knew the grade three April who ate only the purple skittles and wanted to be Paris Hilton and the grade seven April who had braces and was obsessed with The Hills. According to Bridget, after you’ve slept with your best friend you won’t be able to look at them the same way, you’ll either want to rip their clothes off or look away embarrassed.

April didn’t want that, Daniel was the only guy in her life that she actually felt somewhat comfortable around. She wanted things to stay exactly the way they were because even though it was never said out loud April knew that one day she would be Mrs. Daniel Davenport. She wasn’t in love with Daniel but she loved him and he loved her and they were going to spend the rest of their lives together.

“Guess who?”

April’s heart skipped a beat in surprise, not having heard someone come into the office, but then she grinned and placed her hands on the pair that was covering her eyes. She didn’t have to guess who it was; she knew automatically from the soft palms but sandpapery fingertips and the smooth voice that it was Daniel. She pulled his hands away and stood up from the chair then turned around to face him; his arms immediately went around her waist, bringing her closer.

“Hey,” she said before pecking Daniel on the lips.

He smiled at April then started walking her backwards until her butt was level with desk. She lifted herself onto it and closed her eyes just as Daniel kissed her, she could taste beer on his lips and she cringed slightly at the taste. Beer reminded her of the frat party she had attended last year with Bridget and Brooke, the three of them had done a keg stand for the first time and after that it was just a sequence of lapse judgment and loss of clothes.

Daniel pushed his tongue into April’s mouth and brought a hand down to her breast as she brought her hands up around his neck and played with a piece of his hair. Daniel’s hand moved further down her body until it was at the bottom of her dress and then he reached a hand underneath and softly touched her over her thong.

“We can’t do it here.” April shoved Daniel’s hand away and took her arms away from his neck and straightened out her dress.

Daniel shook his head but moved away from her. “You know everything can’t be perfectly planned, A.”

April rolled her eyes but didn’t disagree with him, she knew that but certain things needed to be planned. She didn’t want to lose her virginity to some random and regret it two hours later, and she didn’t want to be some religious kook who waited until marriage. She wanted to lose it to someone she loved but wasn’t in love with, someone who was experienced but didn’t have a string of sexual partners.

She gave him a coy smile, her heart racing the whole time from the look he was giving her, a look he had only started giving her a few months ago when their friend status somehow changed.

Daniel laced his fingers into hers and he was suddenly leading them out of the office and upstairs. He started to turn left but April gave a tiny shake of her head and pulled him towards one of the spare room. The light switch was automatically switched on, bumped by one of their hands as they pushed up against the door to close it.

April felt Daniel reach for the back of her dress and then his lips moved to her neck as fingers pulled her dress down, exposing her back. April pulled away, they were going too fast. Everything was moving, progressing, altering. She needed it to be slow. She needed to remember this, even if it would be painfully awkward and if it would forever change things between her and Daniel.

She took Daniel’s face in her hands and kissed him, slowly with her mouth only parted slightly. She felt a rush of confidence, the same rush she had felt the first time she had undressed Daniel and put her lips on her his body other than his mouth, cheek or neck.

But then it faltered, all the original fears coming back to her. She was scared that she wouldn’t know how to please him or that she’d do something wrong and Daniel would tell all the guys in their grade who would then tell the whole school. He wouldn’t, he cared about April too much… didn’t he?

“April?” Daniel questioned, his steady voice breaking through her worrying thoughts. One of his hands was resting on the small of her back, pressing lightly where the white dress met her exposed skin, and the other was cupping her cheek, calmingly, cold fingers pressing against her flushed face.

“Washroom,” April whispered, extracting herself from his arms. She walked into the bathroom, fully aware of Daniel’s eyes on her as she walked away from him. She gave a small smile before closing the door, not wanting to let Daniel know how nervous she really felt.

In truth, she was terrified. What if she got pregnant? What if she got an STD? What if she bled too much? What if things completely changed between them? What if her body wasn’t normal? What if? What if? What if? She gripped the sides of the sink, feeling her stomach starting to churn as if she were just on a merry-go-round. She swallowed back the bile that was threatening to come up and exhaled. She was going to be fine; it was going to be fine.

A soft knock sounded on the door, followed by Daniel’s muffled voice saying her name. She leaned over and flushed the toilet, making her excuse for breaking away from Daniel believable. After a second she turned the tap on, letting the water run as she stared at the mirror. Her eyebrows had been perfectly plucked and then coated with hairspray to keep them in place but the arch was off. The eyeliner that was drawn in a perfect line on her lids was too dark. Every hair on her head had been curled to perfection but her roots were starting to show. Her mascara was clumpy; the foundation she was wearing didn’t match her skin tone, her lipstick was smudged…

“April?” Daniel called her name again, interrupting the staring contest she was having with her reflection in the mirror.

April jumped and turned off the water, the steam that had begun to build disappeared and suddenly her complexion was clearer. The imperfections were gone; the only fault on her face was a furrowed brow. She closed her eyes and exhaled then turned around and opened the bathroom door.

Daniel’s eyes were creased in concern, his head tipped slightly to the side as he looked at her. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” April said, shaking her head she moved in closer to Daniel. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck as she brought her lips to his. She kissed him with insistence, walking forward to make Daniel start walking to the bed. She waited until Daniel was sitting on the edge and then she leaned in closer, moving her hands from his neck to the front of his shirt. Her fingers went to his buttons, her heart beating faster with everyone button she undid.

She had seen Daniel topless before. Most of her summer had been spent with him, lounging by one of their pools or taking day trips to the beach, but this was different. She was removing his clothes; she was touching his bare skin in such an intimate way that she felt a blush spreading across her body. Yes, they had done things before but it had never came to the point of either of them undressing the other, every time they’d done something like this at least one article of clothing was left remaining, usually on April.

Daniel’s hands went to the back of her dress, sliding them under the white material before pulling it off her shoulders, letting it drop down to reveal the light pink bra she wore underneath. He squeezed her breast and she pressed her lips harder against Daniel’s as his hand began to wander further.

They moved down to her stomach and she fought the urge to flinch, feeling self-conscious of his fingers touching her there. He continued to move further down her body and then he was tugging her dress down her legs until it dropped to the floor.

April pulled away slightly, opening her eyes as she kicked her dress to the side and Daniel removed his shirt and pants. She stepped out of her shoes then pressed her body back against Daniel’s. Immediately his hands went to the clasp of her bra and she closed her eyes again, breathing in slightly as her bra slid away from her body.

Daniel kissed April’s neck and she remained stoic as his teeth grazed her skin and as he touched one of her breasts. Daniel’s lips found hers again and she draped her arms on his shoulders, her hands forming into tense balls as his fingers slipped under her panties. She opened her mouth wider, finding his tongue with hers but Daniel pulled away, making her open her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his hands moved away from between her legs and held her shoulders lightly.

April shook her head, leaning in to kiss him again. “Nothing.”

“You’re shaking,” Daniel told her, rubbing her arms up and down.

April ignored him, even though she could feel herself quivering, and pressed her lips against him, parting her mouth to pick up where they left off.

“April, stop for a second. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” April argued, she shrugged Daniel’s hands off her shoulders and crossed her arms under her chest, staring at him as he gazed back at her.

Daniel leaned back against the bed and glanced down at the floor before looking back at April. “We don’t have to if you don’t wan…”

“I want to,” April cut him off, her heat jolting at his suggestion. She had been planning this for a month; a month of sorting through dresses and picking out bras and thongs, a month of tips and stories from Bridget and Brooke, a month of preparing herself. She was going to lose it tonight.

Daniel moved away from the bed and cupped her cheeks in his hands. His thumbs brushed lightly on her skin but she shoved him away.

“Do you not want to?”

“I didn’t say that. April, I just…”

“What is it then?” April asked, cutting him off. She waited for a second, arching and eyebrow at the confused expression on his face. “Am I not good enough? Are you gay? Am I too fat? Do you think I won’t be able to please you?” The questions tumbled from her mouth before she even got a chance to process them. She was overreacting, she knew that, Daniel only wanted to make sure she was okay but she couldn’t swallow the anger that she felt at him.

“April, you’re being ridiculous,” Daniel said shaking his head. He moved closer to her and she backed up.

She looked down his body; her eyes were drawn to the only article of clothing he wore, his black boxer briefs. “Can you not get it up or something?” She couldn’t stop the words from spilling from her mouth; she didn’t understand why Daniel was rejecting her, why he had suddenly changed his mind about wanting to sleep with her.

Daniel’s eyes, that had been soft and lined with concern, narrowed. “What?”

Immediately April regretted voicing her thoughts out loud. She opened her mouth to apologize but then she looked at the way Daniel was glaring at her, how his hazel eyes looked sullen instead of comforting and she coolly answered, “I said, can you not get it up or something?”

Daniel shook his head as he picked up his jeans from the floor and shoved his legs into them. “You’re unbelievable. Did you ever think that maybe I just don’t want to have sex with you?” He grabbed his dress shirt from the floor and brushed past April, hitting her arm as he stormed to the door.

April’s mouth opened in shock. She spun around as Daniel yanked open the door, stopping to put his arms through his shirt. “You’re such a fucking, dick,” she yelled at him just as the door closed. She huffed in irritation and retrieved her dress and bra then quickly redressed herself so she could go to tell Bridget and Brooke what had happened, needing someone to automatically agree with her on Daniel’s idiotic behavior.

She stepped into her heels, smoothed out her dress and walked towards the door. She turned the handle but paused, realizing she had forgotten the condom that Bridget had stashed in the bedside table. She didn’t want her mom or the nosey maid her cleaned their house three days a week to find it. She went back over to bed and opened up the top drawer of the table next to it. The drawer was empty. She opened up the second drawer and peered inside. Empty.

A hand went to April’s mouth and she stumbled backwards. She could feel hot tears beginning to form on her cheeks, all her anger disappeared and was replaced with embarrassment and hurt. Bridget didn’t put the condom there. She knew that I wasn’t going to lose my virginity. Daniel doesn’t’ want to have sex with me. Daniel didn’t want to have sex with me. Daniel will never want to have sex with. All of the thoughts swelled up in her head as more tears found their way down her face.

She sat on the bed, gripping the gold bedspread as she bit her lip, willing the tears to stop but the more she thought about it the more she cried. She bunched the comforter tighter but then pulled her hand away as if she had been burned, jumping up from the bed and rushing towards the door. She couldn’t be in that room, or sit on the perfect comforter that she was supposed to lose her virginity under.

Daniel doesn’t’ want to have sex with me.

April closed her eyes and clutched the doorknob as a wave of nausea hit her. She tugged the door open further and started to walk down the hall to her room. There was a line of people in the hall, all standing outside the bathroom door waiting for their turn. Several people whispered as she passed, glancing at April then turning their lips towards their friends who looked away from their phones and stared at her. A few people tried to talk to her but she avoided them and started walking faster.

Daniel doesn’t want to have sex with me.

She could feel vomit rising in her throat as she pushed open her bedroom door and ran inside. She rushed towards the bathroom, holding a hand to her lips to keep anything from coming up.

“April?” a raspy voice questioned.

April inhaled sharply and looked around for the source of the voice. Her eyes went to the spot of floor in front of the toilet where Brooke sat, her hair hung in front of her face, throw up visible on the ends, and there were black smudges under her eyes. She looked April up and down then opened her mouth as if to speak again but April shook her head and backed out of the room. Brooke called after her but April just kept walking until she was out of her room and in the hall again.

Daniel doesn’t want to have sex with me.

She bumped into Lexi in the hall, who grabbed April’s arm asking “What happened?” but April ignored her, pulling her arm away and continuing to run. She didn’t stop until she was back in front of the spare room door. This was where she was supposed to sleep, with Daniel, under the pretty golden comforter, after she lost her virginity.

Daniel doesn’t want to have sex with me.

April glanced down the hall then walked towards her mom’s bedroom. She hated her mom’s room, it was messy and disorganized but at that moment she didn’t care. She needed a room that wouldn’t remind her of Daniel, one where she hadn’t made out with him and cuddled into him as they watched movies, one where she wasn’t supposed to lose her virginity.

She climbed up on her mom’s bed, shoved off the random items that were sitting on it, kicked off her shoes and crawled under the covers. Her cries had turned into sobs, her body shaking as she gasped into the pillow, letting the purple slip catch her tears. She didn’t care that her extensions were still in or that she hadn’t washed her face or brushed her teeth, none of that mattered.

Daniel doesn’t want to have sex with me.