Okay- here I go. First off, you've listed this as 'Novel/Chapter' which this is most certainly not. My reasoning for this is simple- novels and chapters have explainations, clear actions, and a plot. This has... sort of a plot. Kind of. I imagine this as a very rough version of what one would read on the back of a book- the synopsis. It's just vague enough and if it's smoothed up it could capture interest.

Recommendations(?):
1. The way you started was... rough. Unfortunately those re words commonly heard by everyone, if not to them than to those around them. Also, since it is mostly teens who write on YWS- we have these words open up a lot of poetry and stories and everything in between.
2. The first paragraph. We don't want generalizations in writing or reading. Everyday can happen, but it draws the reader from the reality of writing. Also, the cliche character is a big upset- cliches are there to be ignored and laughed at. Nobody wants cliches because you can never truly connect to them when reading. I was almost getting into the character and when it came to the clothes description "Aaaand it's gone." Sorry. :/ People are so much more than their clothes, and in high schools there are ALWAYS people like that. And by people I mean not singling one out. This girl would look like other people, and the concept of people mocking the darkly clothed kid is SO old- it's annoying.
3. Last two paragraphs/sentences- Wait, since when is she a fallen angel? And coming from someone who is writing a fallen angel story, be careful- it is a popular topic recently and that leads to falling into used ideas. You've got to make your character stand out in some way, otherwise she is just another fallen angel. We don't want that. We want new and exciting, unfortunately for some writers.
4. Overall. You have... potential. You spent way too much time telling, not showing (if you know the show-don't-tell concept). You NEED punctuation. Always end paragraphs and sentences with punctuation, and inside those too. It helps with flow and shows the reader you care about what you're writing and those who read. It shows follow-through, consideration.

I hope this has been helpful, not hurtful- but it is a first upload to my knowledge, and none of our first uploads are any good either. Mine was terrible. There is nowhere to go but up! (unless you start writing fanfiction ;P)

I highly recommend you look this over and expand, a lot, especially if you actually want this to be a first chapter.

With all regards,
Renn

You should work on yourself much more. It's hilarious naive to come with this.