Published December 17, 2011
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141,341 Literary Works • 674,350 Reviews
Hahaha! No I'm still sane, don't worry, I can still critique your work. Hahahahaha
Ok, I'm not laughing now. I like your poem because it entails a slow-mo story. I really like those scenes in the movies wherein they slow up the moment just to emphasize the occassion. That's exactly what you did in this piece.
I also like works about art. It's like 'art about art' or something. You get me? Oh, just forget it...
Moreover, I like the last part of the poem:
Well, except for the 'beautiful disaster' part. I think it really doesn't fit the poem. Additionally, I think this part of the piece is very artsy, unlike the upper verses. I think you should make you're overall poem like this. The tone is from an artist, making it more fit with your theme and story concept.
Here's my rating for you:
Keep up writing!
Your Quick Critic,
Al
O la la! Very enticing poem!This poem exudes seductiveness!I can just picture it! This poem is very vivid, exuberant in its descriptions, without revealing too much. I don't know how you fit so much tone in such a small poem as you did! This poem is beautifully executed, and the diction really creates a poem on it's own level! I bet this poem could seduce your guy!