Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Eun-Soo places the flowers on top of the grave.
Even to this day, six years later, he always makes sure to visit her every Friday, hand cradling flor de magas—also known as magician’s flower—before he placed them on top of her headstone.
“Bajo este velo dolesome ella descansa, su cabeza cansada serena, de la vida ocupada, ella está pacífica puesta, no hay tristezas intervienen,” was all it read. No name, no date of birth, no physical proof that she even existed within this area except for the memories Eun-Soo had created with her. She was only a ghost story to most. Sometimes when he would come here, he’d break down crying as a soft breeze picked up his shirt from his back, salty tears kissing his cheeks as Arianys once did, all those years ago. He swore that sometimes he’d feel an arm cradle his waist, a cold cheek pressing against his upper back.
His anger, which he once held against Arianys, was long gone, replaced by regret and sadness, mind whirling with things he could have done to prevent any of this happening.
Perhaps this was their punishment.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Heya lacvnxs,
Welcome to YWS! I hope you're having a lovely time so far and enjoying your time on the site. If you ever have any questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out to me or anyone else with a green username!
I like this prologue. It's quite short, which gives you plenty of room to expand upon it later if you so choose. I like that even in this short amount of space, you're able to evoke such poignant imagery. It's the classic start-a-story-at-a-graveyard, but I think you make it engaging such that we're left to wonder what she did to make Eun-Soo angry with her to begin with. My mind wonders if Arianys committed suicide, but I could be way off on that guess.
Overall, I think this is a nice introduction to your story. It's a decent hook that makes us wonder what happened, and what will happen in this story. Depending on how the story starts (if there's a timeskip, different characters, etc.) this could even work well as a first chapter rather than a prologue, just add a bit to it.
Either way, great work!
~Shady
Hey!
Welcome to YWS! Hope you have an amazing time here!
I am RandomTalks and I am here to leave a quick review!
Well, as prologues go, I think you could not have done this any better. You open at a sad scene, someone visiting the grave of a loved one. The fact that you do not really reveal who she was to the character or why he was angry at them just builds into the mystery. You have created your imageries very well and the character feels like someone on a journey to find peace again. I think that is something a lot of people can relate to.
Since the prologue happens at a graveyard, I am going to guess the rest of the story is going to be either about what led to it or what happened after. But this was a pretty significant blow for the narrator, and it's going to shape the plot of the story.
Well, you have me intrigued. I cannot wait to read what happens next. One suggestion though. I noticed that the story is not really English. The narrator's name kind of seemed Japanese but I do not know for sure of course. Then there was the writing on the headstone. Maybe you could provide the translations from next time so that it becomes easier for the readers to understand?
That's all. You have a great story here. I hope you continue with this.
Keep writing and have a great day!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! And I see that you're new here, so a quick welcome to YWS!! I hope you enjoy it here!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that's a properly powerful image to start a prologue off right there...someone visiting the grave of well, what I assume has got to be a loved one judging by the gesture being made here...and from the things mentioned it appears that this is also something that has been going on for quite a while if it's six years. You can definitely see this is potentially someone rather important to the one visiting this grave, and well, makes for a nice start there. Certainly gets your attention quite easily as a reader.
Okay...not entirely sure what the spanish says there...buut...well, the fact that it looks to be a mostly unmarked grave is an interesting detail, especially this person saying specifically that there is no physical proof of her existence. It does seem to be someone who cared very much for this person here, although its hard to say the exact relationship here. The other thing that's very intriguing is the mentions of all sorts of ghostliness, it makes you wonder who this person could've been in whatever this community is. And then the mentions of ghostly touches seem to imply just how much this person is missed. A very interesting paragraph this one, at any rate...certainly lets you know quite a bit here.
Well, that ends with even more mystery there by the looks of things. As far as prologues go, this has to be one of the more mysterious ones that I've run across. All in all, I'd say, this is a pretty solid start, leaves you with a lot to think about, and it certainly seems like a story I'd probably read more of here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry