• Home

Young Writers Society

E - Everyone

Taking A Leap

by kwebsterwriting

We float down the placid, muggy creek in tubes and come across an aged, worn out swinging rope. My God sister, eager at the opportunity, is one of the first to clasp the rope and crash land into the water. I strive to be as adventurous as she is. Mud clashes against me when I spring out of my tube, gripping my feet. Slowly but surely I make my way over to the ledge with the swinging rope. The monster of mud and water releases my feet. I hurl my body up with the assistance of my reliable sister and the rough, damp swinging rope. My sister leaps off with an obnoxious crash. It’s my turn, but my anxiety tells me I could die from this and that I am never going to be brave enough. One after another, everyone takes a turn at the thrill, but I cannot get myself to simply jump.

“Kristin, you’ve been standing on the ledge for over twenty minutes! Just jump into the water already!” my family attempts to encourage me. The once soaked, reeking mud and clay begins to stick to my body as it dries. My sister sits on the cool rock next to me with hope in her eyes.

“Just give it to God and go for it!” she beams. I rise to my feet again. Gripping the worn down rope, my hands turn pale. The muddy goo on the ledge creates a slippery surface under my feet. Next thing I know my feet break free from the comfort of the ground and I’m in the air with only a rope to keep me steady. The wind pushes my hair back on the way down. In an instant I loosen my grip and slam into the cold rush of the creek water. Adrenaline reaches my core as everyone cheers me on. I look up at the tranquil, bright blue sky, absorbing how alive I feel. There isn’t time to do it again, but experiencing what it’s like to be brave is more than I could ask for. At this point I am still covered in mud and the sun burn I’ve developed from earlier stings. Despite the pain I can’t help but have a gleaming smile on my face. We hop on our tubes again and float down the calm, muddy creek with wispy clouds overhead.

Is this a review?



Random avatar

Points: 6713
Reviews: 130

Fri Nov 13, 2020 2:00 am
Stellarjay wrote a review...

Hello kwebsterwriting,
Just here for a review.
Some Good Points

  • There were no grammar mistakes. Yah!
  • I really liked the message of your peice. Putting your fears and anxiety in the hands of God and just GOING for it.

Things You Could Improve
  • I found that you used some words that just break up the flow of your first paragraph.
    Mud clashes against me

    At first it sounds as if the mud clashes against your skin or something until you read the rest of the sentence. You could say splashes instead.
  • We float down the placid, muggy creek in tubes and come across an aged, worn out swinging rope.

    This is just my opinion, but I feel like you could have a better opening sentence. Something that will lead up to your story. For example: One day my family and I were floating down the Nile River on reed boats when...

I hope my review was helpful. If you have any questions feel free to ask! Keep on writing and have a great rest of your day!

User avatar
14 Reviews

Points: 73
Reviews: 14

Wed Nov 11, 2020 11:03 pm
FlamingHomosexual wrote a review...

Hey! I’ve got a review for you!
I really loved your story, I thought it was a nice story with some hidden symbolism. Also, the message of putting yourself fear in God’s hands and trusting him is amazing. It’s a really hard thing to do, even in small situations.
This might be the first vignette’s I’ve ever read to be honest, so I don’t have much experience with them. I can’t see anything wrong here.
Good job! Keep writing! God loves you! <3

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
— Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest