Published August 17, 2005
The pain is unbearable,
I can't take it anymore,
The adrenaline is pumping through me,
Like a rollercoaster,
It has it's ups and down.
A broken heart yet once again,
It doesn't really affect you,
Until you realize how much,
They actually meant to you,
It's hits you after a few weeks.
The heartache is uncurable,
Never yet to be the same,
No one to stop the fights,
No one to hold you when you're scared,
No one, To make your tears go away.
Knowing, I will never have a second chance,
Makes it worse,
The pain I caused myself,
For slipping out of order,
My fault, Again.
You don't have to tell me,
There's other chances,
With other guys,
This is pathetic, your crying,
Over one guy.
The slitting of the wrists,
Doesn't need to go on,
The blood dripping, on the floor,
Can't be seen, I can't bear it,
I'm sick of hiding!
My mind is telling me,
Move on, Get over it,
But my heart is telling me,
Don't lose hope,
But I know I should.
The tears that flow constantly,
Makes a river of sorrow,
Sending all dreams and wishes,
Down the path,
I must face later on.
The pain I caused,
Bruised my soul,
Made a detour in my vision,
To know that,
I can't ever take it back.
I'm tired of losing faith,
In what I know is right,
Though the train to my happy ending,
Broke down, and can't be fixed,
Without the sunlight.
I've reached the tunnel,
That's long and dark,
The tunnel of all of my lost dreams and hopes,
I build up the courage,
To face them.
Looking at the pictures,
That are on the walls,
I remember the good times,
I had with him,
I was so happy, But those are oh so old.
I cry myself to sleep,
Each and every night,
Because of you,
You caused my heart, to cause me pain,
And you can see the fear in my eyes.
This is enough for me,
I don't have my hopes for a second chance,
But my life needs to go on,
I'm finding myself,
Through the tears in my eyes.
I know I know, bad poem!
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141,376 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
you're too sad and depressed
it seems like an alex poem
get over him babes, i get over guys quickly *tries to snap fingers*
So yeah. write happier things... write funny things ....
write... things you don't feel for a change...
1. Cheer up.
2. Your emotions seem to exceed the writing you displayed here. When writing about such strong feelings you need originality to make them better to read about.
3. Cliches are bad for your posture.
4. Too long for what seemed to be repeating the same point over and over again.
5. I'm probably not the best person to give advice.
Good day.
The pain is unbearable,
I can't take it anymore,
This part is pretty straightforward, which makes it cliche. Try describing the pain, instead of just saying it's 'unbearable.'
The adrenaline is pumping through me,
Like a rollercoaster,
It has it's ups and down. Again, this is a little blunt and cliche.
There were some random commas and some missing commas, but anyways...
This poem is easy to relate to and obviously has emotions behind it, but you need to bring it out more. There were times when you would say something in a very... honest way. I mean, you would state almost the exact events that happened. Then you tried to cover up that by putting in some metaphors and similes, which made it choppy. Choose something to focus on and sort your thoughts out so that it is clear what you want to express when you talk about certain things that happened. Good intentions, but it needs work.