Published March 7, 2008
This is about a man looking back at his ironic past and the choices he made to fight for the peace that he fanatically believes in.
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141,440 Literary Works • 674,432 Reviews
I'll have to admit to not reading all of it
, but I've observed a few things from what I did read.
You had some good powerful imagery, and the writing itself for the most part was quite strong, but came across as stilted in some points due to a lot of short sentences close together, and the dialogue wasn't at all believable.
Grammar mistakes also let you down (that sentence near the beginning-I was wearing a white suit (or something like that, wasn't it?) not myself for one example) and try not to repeat 'Adolf' too much.
I think the problem with the dialogue was that you were trying to get too much back story into one section of speech. Don't try and explain everything at once; sometimes it's good if the reader doesn't have an idea what's going on, it means they have to read on to find out. In fact, try not to explain backstory like that at all, at least not in that way. I always try and remember this quote:
"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass..." ~ Anton Chekhov
Try remembering this if you rewrite it, and you could have an excellent start.
that was really good...i can't even think of any words to describ it and that frustrates me....errrrr fantastic!