Questions & More
Your rhyming sceme! Your message! This was beautiful!!.. But as a reviewer I must critque. To start I have a question-
If we just opened up,
And together we supped.
Does this line really flow the rest? Do you think the comma here should be reviewed? Does this thought seem incomplete?
Critique
.I don't exactly like these stanzas-
Would we finally see?
Would we be set free?
Using would, we, threw me off, and I don't think it's a good idea to use see and free. They just sound too similar.
.In your third set of stanzas I notice you start with these lines-
I’d say we’d be.
That we’d live set free,
That doesn't make sense. Try starting with the secant line.
JazenKnight Out
Points: 224
Reviews: 13
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