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Flameburst part 1 - The Beginning

by kryptonianmenace


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Everyone knows how superheroes work. They save the day, they get the love of their life, they face villains and always come out on top. Many of them even conquer death.

But superheroes are just people.

They live lives like any of us. They fall in love, have friends and family (either by blood or by choice, don’t go pointing out all the orphan backstories, they still have found families), and have jobs.

They all have different backstories, but they all believe it’s the right thing to do.

Benji Kowalczyk is no different.

Much like the Flash, he gained superspeed by being struck by lightning. Unlike the Flash, he was in his car with his dog in the middle of a storm. The rubber tires should have protected him, or so he believed, but that’s not how lightning works. It’s the metal frame that protects you when you’re in a car, and for some reason unknown, it didn’t work for Benji and Blanket.

The lightning lit up the entire car, and the two were buzzing with electricity as it flew through them both.

Shoving the door open, Benji bolted from the car, energy rushing through his veins.

Blanket followed soon after.

Benji was freaking out. He was moving too fast - inhumanly fast. This was like a movie or a comic book.

He was as fast as he imagined the Flash being.

And don’t get him wrong, he loved the Flash. The Flash was probably his favorite hero. Speedsters were just so upbeat and cool in the comics.

But having that speed himself? Terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.

It wasn’t even the fact that he had just been struck by lightning. No, that was a problem for a later day.

The scariest part was that his service dog was keeping up with him as he zipped around the area at an inhuman speed.

“Blanket, please tell me you didn’t get hit by lightning too,” he muttered as he moved to check on her.

But his worst fears were realized - she had a scar that indicated she had been struck blooming underneath the singed fur on her face. It was a true lightning scar, looking like tree roots, not the half-assed zig-zag crap they used for the Harry Potter movies and artwork.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he pulled Blanket closer to him to hug her, the dog sniffing at him in confusion as he cried over her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

To make matters worse, the fire powers manifested on the drive home. It was an empty street, nobody else around, when Benji’s arm lit up.

Panicking, he pulled over to the side of the road and desperately tried to pat it out.

“How the fuck is this happening?” he mumbled to himself.

The fire wasn’t going out, it was staying steady on his arm. It wasn’t moving, but it was big. If anyone passed on the street, they’d notice.

Finally, Blanket climbed on him, trapping his arm beneath her.

“Blanket, no!” Benji exclaimed, frantically shoving her off.

The fire was out, and Benji scrambled to check to make sure Blanket hadn’t been burned.

There was no sign of any burns, not even her fur showing signs of being lit on fire. She hadn’t made any noises besides grumbling that he made her move.

Benji breathed a sigh of relief as he saw she was unharmed, but rubbed his eyes out of exhaustion as the realization hit him. His dog could touch fire without being burned. He could spontaneously set himself on fire. They both had superspeed.

It was like out of a comic book.

Don’t be mistaken, Benji loved comic books. But suddenly getting those abilities? That wasn’t supposed to happen.

And yet, it did.


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Sat Jan 23, 2021 6:42 pm
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JoyDark wrote a review...



Hey! This is a cool start. Benin seems like a regular guy with his dog, riding home from somewhere, and his car is struck by lightning. Usually cars protect against the passengers getting electrocuted, but not for Benji and Blanket. (Why, though? Was their car just trash or something more... mYsTeRiOuS?) And so, suddenly, Benji discovers he and Blanket have superpowers.

It definitely sets up a story. And the writing itself is good. It’s well written, and I don’t see any grammatical issues or typos. The actual story seems good. I’m sucked in now, and I’m curious where this is going to go. But I do have some questions, a couple of suggestions.

For starters, who is Benji? He seems like a pretty okay dude, and now he has superpowers. He probably likes superheroes a good amount, given that he likes the Flash and comics. And he has a dog, Benji. But I don’t know much about him otherwise. You imply he’s a normal dude with a normal life, but you never actually show us how he is. That could be in the form of just a few details, peppered here and there. Maybe explain why Blanket is in the car in the first place. Maybe Benji and her are coming back from a visit from the vet, which mentioning could allude to a number of things. Where are they driving home from? What time of day is it? Just little details you could mention at the beginning of this whole sequence.

You might want to do this, and even maybe more, to establish your character a bit. This seems a bit traumatic for Benji, but because we don’t know that much about him, we as an audience don’t feel that trauma with him. If you want us to care, you have to give us someone to care about. Right now, Benji is a blank slate. Does that make sense at all?

I like your intro to this sort-of prologue. It’s a cool establishing point, and it makes me wonder about the world Benji and Blanket live in. Are superheroes a real-life common thing, or do they only exist on the screen and in comics? Is Benji the first of his kind, or are there others with powers where he lives? If there are real-life people with superpowers like him, are there supervillains, too? There are so many directions you could go with this, especially with a blank-ish intro like this.

Overall, it looks okay. This story has potential. Just make sure you know where you’re going.

Best,
Lia




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Sat Jan 23, 2021 3:14 pm
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Magebird says...



Ahh you posted the first chapter of Flameburst! You already know my thoughts on it so I won't write a full-length review, but it's so cool that you decided to post it. <3 <3




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Sat Jan 23, 2021 2:28 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: I think this is a pretty cool idea, I'm a stickler for superheroes anyway so this got me hooked in right away with the first line but in general I think this is a nice little chapter to get a story rolling in general.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Everyone knows how superheroes work. They save the day, they get the love of their life, they face villains and always come out on top. Many of them even conquer death.


That sounds about write for most of the superheroes I know...

But superheroes are just people.


They live lives like any of us. They fall in love, have friends and family (either by blood or by choice, don’t go pointing out all the orphan backstories, they still have found families), and ]have jobs.[/quote]

Well...most of them are just people...from what I know...but at any rate this is proving to be a very interesting start to this story that I'm enjoying quite a bit. It definitely catches your attention.

They all have different backstories, but they all believe it’s the right thing to do.

Benji Kowalczyk is no different.


Not the easiest name to pronounce but that is a cool way to introduce the character.

Much like the Flash, he gained superspeed by being struck by lightning. Unlike the Flash, he was in his car with his dog in the middle of a storm. The rubber tires should have protected him, or so he believed, but that’s not how lightning works. It’s the metal frame that protects you when you’re in a car, and for some reason unknown, it didn’t work for Benji and Blanket.


Also unlike the Flash, there was no particle accelerator explanation or a lab full of chemicals...excuse the nerd mode...couldn't help it...at any rate that seems like a decent origin story.

The lightning lit up the entire car, and the two were buzzing with electricity as it flew through them both.

Shoving the door open, Benji bolted from the car, energy rushing through his veins.

Blanket followed soon after.


Okay...the one line paragraphs are starting to loose their impact now because of a slight overuse, I'd say toning those down a bit would be better.

Benji was freaking out. He was moving too fast - inhumanly fast. This was like a movie or a comic book.

He was as fast as he imagined the Flash being.


Oooh...cue the dramatic music.

And don’t get him wrong, he loved the Flash. The Flash was probably his favorite hero. Speedsters were just so upbeat and cool in the comics.

But having that speed himself? Terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.


That seems like a realistic reaction..well depending on his age that is anyway.

It wasn’t even the fact that he had just been struck by lightning. No, that was a problem for a later day.

The scariest part was that his service dog was keeping up with him as he zipped around the area at an inhuman speed.


Oh oh...

But his worst fears were realized - she had a scar that indicated she had been struck blooming underneath the singed fur on her face. It was a true lightning scar, looking like tree roots, not the half-assed zig-zag crap they used for the Harry Potter movies and artwork.


Okay...not quite sure what you're trying to indicate from that last line there because its kind of hard to tell what you mean.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he pulled Blanket closer to him to hug her, the dog sniffing at him in confusion as he cried over her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”


Why is he apologizing though? He had nothing to do with this.

To make matters worse, the fire powers manifested on the drive home. It was an empty street, nobody else around, when Benji’s arm lit up.

Panicking, he pulled over to the side of the road and desperately tried to pat it out.


That can be a pretty unpleasant surprise. Poor guy.

“How the fuck is this happening?” he mumbled to himself.

The fire wasn’t going out, it was staying steady on his arm. It wasn’t moving, but it was big. If anyone passed on the street, they’d notice.


Oh he better start running for cover or to the nearest tap as soon as possible.

Finally, Blanket climbed on him, trapping his arm beneath her.

“Blanket, no!” Benji exclaimed, frantically shoving her off.

The fire was out, and Benji scrambled to check to make sure Blanket hadn’t been burned.


Another quite reasonable reasonable reaction.

There was no sign of any burns, not even her fur showing signs of being lit on fire. She hadn’t made any noises besides grumbling that he made her move.

Benji breathed a sigh of relief as he saw she was unharmed, but rubbed his eyes out of exhaustion as the realization hit him. His dog could touch fire without being burned. He could spontaneously set himself on fire. They both had superspeed.

It was like out of a comic book.


Well...at least he doesn't need to work to find a sidekick now that he has his dog.

Don’t be mistaken, Benji loved comic books. But suddenly getting those abilities? That wasn’t supposed to happen.

And yet, it did.


Of course...

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this was quite fun to read. I think I will read any other chapters should you post it too. And that's all I have to say for now.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.
— Allen Ginsberg