Hey! This is a cool start. Benin seems like a regular guy with his dog, riding home from somewhere, and his car is struck by lightning. Usually cars protect against the passengers getting electrocuted, but not for Benji and Blanket. (Why, though? Was their car just trash or something more... mYsTeRiOuS?) And so, suddenly, Benji discovers he and Blanket have superpowers.
It definitely sets up a story. And the writing itself is good. It’s well written, and I don’t see any grammatical issues or typos. The actual story seems good. I’m sucked in now, and I’m curious where this is going to go. But I do have some questions, a couple of suggestions.
For starters, who is Benji? He seems like a pretty okay dude, and now he has superpowers. He probably likes superheroes a good amount, given that he likes the Flash and comics. And he has a dog, Benji. But I don’t know much about him otherwise. You imply he’s a normal dude with a normal life, but you never actually show us how he is. That could be in the form of just a few details, peppered here and there. Maybe explain why Blanket is in the car in the first place. Maybe Benji and her are coming back from a visit from the vet, which mentioning could allude to a number of things. Where are they driving home from? What time of day is it? Just little details you could mention at the beginning of this whole sequence.
You might want to do this, and even maybe more, to establish your character a bit. This seems a bit traumatic for Benji, but because we don’t know that much about him, we as an audience don’t feel that trauma with him. If you want us to care, you have to give us someone to care about. Right now, Benji is a blank slate. Does that make sense at all?
I like your intro to this sort-of prologue. It’s a cool establishing point, and it makes me wonder about the world Benji and Blanket live in. Are superheroes a real-life common thing, or do they only exist on the screen and in comics? Is Benji the first of his kind, or are there others with powers where he lives? If there are real-life people with superpowers like him, are there supervillains, too? There are so many directions you could go with this, especially with a blank-ish intro like this.
Overall, it looks okay. This story has potential. Just make sure you know where you’re going.
Best,
Lia
Points: 962
Reviews: 56
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