Life

Hello!

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

I think that all of life is too big of a topic to take on in one poem. Focus on one tiny aspect of life, and then make it big. One function of poetry is to magnify the small things in life, but this takes a big thing and makes it smaller.

Why are you using archaic language? Is there a good reason for it? I found it distracting and unnecessary for you to use "ye" and "thou" and "thy" in this poem. I don't understand why you couldn't just use regular, modern English. Especially because I'm pretty sure that they would have used different larger words, as well. Change it all to modern English for the benefit of the poem.

Ellipses, if you're going to use them, have three dots in them, not two. Also, I suggest you don't use them. It's used to signify trailing off, and it weakens the poem.

Focus on something concrete. You're all off in the abstract world right now, talking about Pain and Soul and Hurt. But you should focus on something that everyone can relate to, and connect that thing to the feelings you're trying to convey. For instance, the growth of a tree. How can a growing tree relate to what you're trying to get across?

While you had good intentions in this poem, it needs a lot of work, and probably a narrowing of subject. I hope that this review proves useful to you. Happy writing, and happy review day!

hmmmmmmmmmm ok time to put on my reviewing cap*puts it on*
that better now i love this poem mainly because yes it speaks the truth of what everyone felt many times but the style is like Shakespearean i haven't seen much people on here yet to you thy style and it bring out the uniqueness and not manny people bother with Shakespeare out of class.the details you put in there is good.so like i tell everyone else keep writing and i will love seeing you aswell grow in talent

Hello~
I'm Desdemona and I'm here to review your work.

I noticed you're new here, welcome aboard!!! I'm thrilled to be giving you your first review <3

Poetry with a "ye olde poet" feel about it has always been one of my favourites. I'm assuming that's what you tried to recreate here.

Mmm, we have some stuff we have to sort out before you post more poems though.

Your title:
Your title caught my attention, both because it's an intriguing subject, the irony of life, and because it was wrongly written.

I'd suggest changing it with "The Irony of Life" or "Life's Irony" though I couldn't see much irony in this.

When we say irony, we refer to "the expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect." as said by the Google dictionary thingamajig.

However, this is not what you attempted here. Your poetry is not ironic. Irony is subtle and usually funny, while this piece is one of the saddest and most straightforward ones I've read for a good while.

Misleading title aside, we've the usual grammar mistakes and wrong word choices I always deal with.

"The moment ye start considering somebody thine, you're are classed a stranger"
Two points, you used ye, and you're in the same sentence. You also wrote you're are, which basically means you are are.

"Just an aspiration for it to cease" An aspiration is an ambition, like wanting to get into medical school, or scoring an a in a math test. This is not an aspiration, this is simply a desire.

"For it would be demise of all the worthless expectations that are never meant to be accomplished,"

This sentence is too long and breaks the mood of the poetry.

Also, demise is a noun, it would be THE demise of.

"End of the pain that follows" Follows what?

"Collapse of the shielding walls that bound thy soul" You don't have to say shileding walls, walls are already meant for shielding.

"And cease of thy throbbing.."

I don't throb. My heart does.

Sigh. The way this poetry was written does not suit the mood conveyed by the piece.

However, don't give up. If you proofread your writing and take your time with writing prose instead of hastily making up things, I daresay you'll be really good.