As I walk through this house of shadows;
I feel terror in the air.
Broken hearts and tortured spirits,
Lives filled with despair.
I hear them softly calling,
Knowing that they can't get away.
They stared at the barred windows,
And dreamt of leaving this place.
The scars upon their bloody backs,
Kept them working all day long.
Breaking bones and losing hope,
As they heard the jailer's song.
Their souls were left here to haunt us,
As their children were left to die,
If you listen close you can hear,
The slaves' broken cry.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I also enjoyed this poem and thought this was well written. However, I have one nitpick:
For some reason this stanza doesn't seem to have the right rhythm to me. I think that maybe you should change that.
Besides that, I fully enjoyed this poem and I really hope I get to read more of your work in the future.
Keep writing,
Jane
This poem is good. I like how short it is compared to many others that drag out the effects of slavery. Not to say those are bad ideas, I just prefer to have to think more about it when the poem gives us less than everything. This poem does that, and doing that will take you far. Keep writing.
I thought this was really good; you did a nice job portaying emotion and overall the rhythm and flow worked very well. I think this could almost be classified as narrative poetry, but either way it was a well-written poem and I don't have much at all to critisize.
Keep writing,
~the StoryWeaver
I love this. I like all your punctuation. All the emotions were great. I liked the ending, and the flow was awesome. I read it out loud and everything was smooth. It is a good thing I didn't list any problems!
A. S.
Very well spoken. It says plenty about your thoughts on slavery. I like the idea of this poem.