Today
I wrap my dark coat
tighter around me as
the A+, long lashes, and white smile are buried.
Tarnished with a white scar of
a branch ripping open her
arm as she fell seventeen
feet out of a tree
that for ten years
was the only difference
in our reflections. Hours and hours
the heartbeat taunted me.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
until it blended in with
the ringing in my ears. The sobs of the mother.
The clench of a jaw of the father.
The whimpering of the friends.
The sniffling of the classmates.
My still silhouette on the hill
watching their backs from a distance,
throat squeezing itself shut.
No breath to trigger a cry,
tears streaming in a thin line
down my cheeks, over my jaw, down my neck,
soaking the collar of my dark jacket. One eye mascaraed,
bristles in my hand
I saw the gleam of headlights fade from the window
out of the reflection
in the mirror.
The impatience of the
C cup, clean cuticles, plump lips
running the stop sign.
Blood from her temple running in a thin line
down her cheeks, over her jaw, down her neck
over her shoulder, down her arm
over the scar healed white
now stained
red.
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Oh! Thanks for pointing out the spelling error, I'll go fix it in a second
And also,I think I will change it to tarnished, I never thought of using that word but I like it a lot, so I'll go change that too.
I think part of the reason why It's confusing is that I can't get it in more than one stanza. On my word document not only are there 4 stanzas, but every other one is indented so that it goes : funeral, hospital, funeral, when the actual crash occured. However, I wasn't able to figure out how to do that here, so any tips on doing that would be really helpful!
If there's anything else that's confusing just let me know and thanks for the feedback!
I think your poem is a little confusing in its current state. While reading it I also noticed a mistake
I think you mean "The heartbeat taunted me."This entire thing confused me.
Instead of saying buried twice in the poem,how about you say something like " Tarnished with the white scar of a branch ripping open her arm, as she fell seventeen feet out of a tree."
I am not sure about the comma. I hope that helps. Have a great night. Fiction
Hey guys, I was wondering if you could help me.
In my poem, there's supposed to be four stanzas. In between the lines, "in our reflections" and "hours and hours" is supposed to be a break, in between "with a ringing in my ears." and "the sobs of the mother" there's supposed to be a break and inbetween "soakng the collar of my dark jacket." and "one eye mascaraed" there's supposed to be a break.
When I wrote it out there were the spaces between stanzas, and in the preview too, but when I submitted it they disappeared. Can anyone tell me if/how I can I make those breaks show up in the final product? Thank you!