I see him every time I walk
Or sit down to make a call
He who follows my every move
And knows exactly what I do.
Sometimes I wonder why he can’t talk
Because we might get along
He might be my only friend
Who understands me better than anyone else.
I know that he is like me
Because he looks the same as me
But why sometimes does he look taller
Or sometimes even shorter?
Sometimes I don’t see him at all
And wonder why he leaves me alone
Where does he go when he is not here?
Trying to scare me in the mirror?
You might wonder who this person is
And I’m sure you know you he is
He’s the shadow who’s shy to talk to us
Because he’s busy stalking us!
-Written by Kristina Galea
All Rights Reserved (c)
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,693 Reviews
Here to review again!
This is interesting. At first I thought it was going to take a deep but sad turn with the shadow seeming to be the only one the narrator can identify with, her only friend. Then it just seemed to be describing the shadow with no end point to the description, it just sort of was. And then at the end it got sort of joking and there was stalking mentioned. So with all this mixed together I'm not sure what the actual purpose/direction of this was so that should be made more clear.
Like I said above, I like the direction this was heading. It's a solid concept and I think the poem should move forward with this theme in mind.
Generally, I thought this was about shadows, which doesn't make too much sense with this line. Mirrors are for reflections which are also a projection of ourselves, but the mirror line just doesn't ft in the poem as well as another line could. Like saying your afraid to step on him?
This is a bit awkward and could be phrased more clearly.
Basically what I mentioned in the beginning about it being all jumpy. Again, not a bad start, but I think it should be refined and centered around a more specific idea. Okay bye!
Thanks!!!
Willow C. here, keep in mind that reviewing is not my super-power so...
I apologize in advance for my personality.
Anywho, the title: Eh.... It's got the two of the major components of a good title, briefdom, and relevance. Of course the last component is probably the most important. Interesting! Sure this is a good title, but way over done. I'm sure there are at least ten of these on the site alone. You could stick with this or try your luck at the other options. Try something humorous, deep, over the top. The title is the main expression point for a piece, so don't feel pressured by this, because the right title can just come to you.
Next the ending stanza. If it were on a cooking show, it'd be Chopped. The point of this poem was to allow time for to figure who the other you is. The ending ruins it. Have you ever read Mushrooms, by Sylvia Plath? The poem never reveals the true identity of the topic, and without the title you might never be able to figure out what it is. I figured out who your you is easily in the middle, but the fun is in the mystery, no?
Lastly, last two lines of the second stanza. Doesn't fit right. You see the line is like the comma of poetry. The line creates a seperation when you read it allowed. If
A poem
Looked like
This then
You might
Get annoyed
Hearing it
Read aloud.
See?
Anywho, BYE!
~Willow C.
Hey there. Nice poem. Review for ya.
I really liked the idea that you were trying to get out there with this poem. I thought it was fantastic. I enjoyed the free verse with this one as opposed to rhyme because I feel like free verse allows you to be more introspective and a little more feeling-based than rhyme does, as having to rhyme words can sometimes limit you to saying only what works, and not what you actually want to say. Other than the small adjustment that's already been suggested about the second to last line, I thought this was very well-written. Two thumbs up!
Nice job.
-GL24
Thanks for your review
Np. Hmu if u need any others!
I think this is great! I only noticed one thing I'd change; "who's shy to talk to us" would sound better (in my opinion) if it were "who's too shy to talk to us." I loved how little by little you begin to understand this person is one and the same as the narrator! It's good fun, something I can relate to, and well written. Thank you for sharing!
Thankyou sooo much Liaya for your feedback!