The Mystery of the Barley Villa

by krishaadi0406

Published July 19, 2016

E - Everyone

In Mystery my life

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    THE MYSTERY OF THE DAK BUNGALOW........

This mystery is an apparent startup .

Characters_Jahaan,Krisha,Shikar,Ragini,Ranveer,Muskan, a younger detective Mr. Sanskaar Khana.

Plot_ A village of commonly known as bèed. 

Mystery_A jungle and  hilly mountains. In the mountain set behind is a dense forest known. In the middle of this forest is an old bungalow. The bungalow is known to be haunted. The detective Sanskaar Khanna take up the initiative of solving the mystery. Sanskaar is joined by 6 young charms . A lot of problem arrives in their way some are made purposely. But in the end the mystery is solved. 

Intro_Jahaan,Krisha,Shikhar,Ragini,Ranveer,Muskaan young guys studing in the colleges. Mr. Sanskaar Khanna is a young detective of New York  Detective Agency. He is 30 years old. Young and charming , handsome and goodlooking, but least interested in marriage and girls.

Guys this is just intro about the mystery. Your votes and points wouls help me further to complete this.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Gymnast2801
Review
Gymnast2801 wrote a review Review · Oct 30, 2016

Hi there krishaadi0460, it's Gymnast2801 here with a review for our awesome team, The Black Cat Squad!

Ooo, this is a really cool idea! I like how it's a mystery--those are always awesome! Here are a few questions to get your mind spinning on the plot:

1) Who are the villains? What is their purpose and why/how did they become so bad?
2) In the end, what happens? Are the villains defeated? Does anyone die or have to make any sacrifices for the good of the group?
3) What does this bungalow look like? Anything distinguishing about it? Is it old, rundown, or new, and beautiful?
4) How did your main character come to this bungalow and the story that it is haunted?
5) What is motivating both good and bad charcaters to do what they believe is right/what they want to do?

These are just questions to get your mind going! If you need help, I'm always happy to lend a hand and I really enjoy story planning! I think this is a great idea with Lost of potential!

Keep up the great ideas!
-Gymnast2801 for The Black Cat Squad!
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/im ... 60k129.jpg

This was just an introduction of the mystery. Well you could read out its first chapter on my wall- THE STARTUP. And congraluations to you for your awsome three stars....!!!

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JennyImStory
Review
JennyImStory wrote a review Review · Jul 19, 2016

This is a cool concept! Like a Choose your own adventure game but better! I'm excited to see just how your characters even get to the haunted bungalow.
I have a lot of questions about this too. You explained detective Sanskaar but the other six characters are still unknown, do you have plans for their personalities or is that one of the things the readers get to choose? They seem like blank slates at the moment. Which is fine but the fact that there are SIX of them means they need to be really diverse so that the readers don't get them mixed up. But don't go and make them all stereotypes, I'm just saying they need different interests and background to shape their voices and personality.
Also that little blurb about Sanskaar being good looking and all that is fine, but is he a good detective? This is a mystery after all, and so I don't understand why talking about his disinterest in marriage comes in. If it DOES play a big part in the story that's great! And you can ignore what I'm saying here. But you focused on the fact that this IS a mystery, so it just confused me.
Other then those pointless little nitpicks I though the concept of this was really, really cool! I can't wait to see your writing!

Thanks a lot....!!!!! Your useful advice has helpes me a lot . According to ur guidance i will continue my mystery very early. Again thanks a lot!!!!

User avatar
Junel
Review
Junel wrote a review Review · Jul 19, 2016

Hey, so this seems interesting and I can't wait to actually read the story. First of all though I think you have plot mixed with setting. The plot of the story is basically what you put for mystery. The setting is the place in which the mystery takes place. Otherwise it seems like you have a good idea about how your writing and how this story is going to turn out.

Good Luck and Keep Writing

Sláinte -Junel

Thanks junel i wish that i will come true on ur advices and guidance

Junel replied · Jul 20, 2016

Always happy to help a fellow writer.

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krishaadi0406 Comment
krishaadi0406 commented Comment · Jul 19, 2016



The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
— Aristotle