I gave it to my friend ( a serious, book buff & feelings hurter) hehehe - so i have done my best to fix my terrible punctuation. Please, please. read this chapter and tell me, honestly, what you think.
Chapter two
A soft breeze, cool and fragrant swept against her face. The pleasant sound of fabric nearby tussleling and flapping in the breeze. Spoiled by the offensive screech of a sea bird beyond the pleasant sounding fabric in the wind. She put her hand to her forehead, finding the wound on her brow; stitched up tightly with cotton.
She touched it lightly with her finger. Springing up and opened her eyes wide with a deep gasp.
“AAAAHH SHIT!” she exclaimed as a stinging pang of pain thumped against her forehead. Sitting up, she found herself in a comfortable room with yellow silk wallpaper and a large mirror directly in front of her. The bed was large, and her bloodstains spoilt the fine silk and linen sheets. She turned to her right to where the breeze was coming from, to find a window with chiffon curtains tumbling in the sea air.
She looked out of the wide open window, onto the sea ahead. The high mid-day sun glazed the sea with golden light, so that it appeared to be like a handful of jewels, lambent with dazzling blues and yellows. The sky above was azure blue, with wisps of pale clouds like brush strokes on canvas.
The mixed scents of salt air and lavender from the fields, which skirted the cliff over looking the sea. Sent her into another world far removed from what she assumed was the night before.
“So I see you’re awake! Good, I was awful concerned that you might have done your head a mischief and nobility or no I’ll not tend to a vegetable” Said a large matronly looking woman. Dressed in a blue dress with a white lace apron over it. She stood for a moment with a jug of water and towel in hand, her face contorted and fought with herself before she finally broke into fits of laughter. “Begging your pardon miss, one has to make light where one can. But sincerely I am thankful that you seem to be well enough” The large woman placed the jug of water onto a small table next the bed and hung the towel over the side of it. “Now. Is there anything you’ll be wanting? Miss.?” Her eyebrows raised high in query.
“Sora, my name is Sora”
“Well I am Miss Winpol and I am head of house keeping here at the Master, Lord Olan’s estate and it is a pleasure to meet you,” Replied the housekeeper. “Even if it could have been in more favourable situation” she let out an awkward hum.
“About the situation. Miss Winpol? What happened? And where exactly is the Lord Olan’s estate?” Sora enquired.
Miss Winpol grimaced slightly as she searched for a way to explain.
” The estate is…well, I’d say it is in Dercia of course just outside of Derc city…aaand” she searched for the words but they did not come. “ well your nobility! You should know these things! OH! Nearly forgot.” Miss Winpol spun on her heel and darted out of the door.
Sora was left in sitting in the bed; gazing out of the sun light window once more. Nobility? What made her nobility? Sora clenched her fists, screwing up the bed sheets as she struggled with her memory but nothing would come except for the scene of the wreckage.
“Here” Miss Winpol sang in a whimsical chime, as she hurried back into the room. She stopped for a moment at the door panting. Waiting for her breath to return to her. “Now” She said reaching into her apron pocket, her speech staggered with breathlessness. “I had to take this off you, just in case it went walk-abouts while you slept, having something like this stolen doesn’t even bare thinking about.” she let out another nervous little hum as she walked toward the bed.
She paused again, and looked admiringly into her cupped hands – as if giving her last goodbyes to a long loved child, and then reluctantly she began to loosen her hands. Slowly an elegantly linked gold chain began to sinuate, from between the partition of Miss Winpol’s cupped hands.
A faint feeling of disappointment began to creep over Sora as the chain halted it’s decent. She looked up at Miss Winpol.
She rolled her eyes, before delicately placing the chain on Sora’s lap with a weighty and final thump, as the medallion of the chain appeared from the housemaid’s jealous hands. It was a delicately crafted snake knotted in itself, with innumerable thrilling gems for its scales, as well as an arcane looking symbol, clutched within the snake’s mouth.
“Gave it a bit of a polish, it had some right unspeakable rubbish on it when we found you” Miss Winpol let out a melodramatic shudder.
“Thank you” replied Sora vacantly; focusing on the stunning jewel, that sat serenely on her lap as the mid-day sun from the window. Working the same magic on it, as it had the sea.
Is this mine? Does this make me noble? Sora searched the jewel fascinated by it’s form.
“Everything is in order miss, if there is something wrong with it I assure you it must have been from the crash – I didn’t do anything to it but clean it” Miss Winpol interjected hurriedly, she nervously began to wring her hands.
“No! Not…at all” Sora looked up at Miss Winpol, and assessed her for a moment. “What does this symbol mean?” she asked, caressing the insignia with her thumb.
“Not a clue, but I’m sure the Master Olan will know,” She said with confidence “He is a very clever man” She continued with pride.
“When will the master be back?”
“Soon, I dare say. He was very concerned for your safety he was. But sadly he had business in town” Miss Winpol had put her fat little hand against her lips as she tried to remember something, the effort of this was written on her face. “No, it’s gone…but anyway it mustn’t have been important eh?” She let out a little chuckle before calming herself down in a deliberate fashion. “So can I get anything for you? You can wait in this room, until the master returns or you can walk around the estate.”
Sora gave the housemaid a smile of thanks, as she gingerly began to place the medallion around her neck. A feeling of uncertainty came into her mind as she fiddled with the awkward latch.
But it was hers wasn’t it? She was apparently wearing it when they found her.
It was too late for thought anyway; her hands had decided the medallions fate, before she had finished her train of thought, and it was securely perched against her chest glimmering in the sunlight.
Some time seemed to have passed and Miss Winpol was standing unsurely her hands folded behind her back as she shifted her weight to-and-fro.
“ Well?” Miss Winpol asked sheepishly. “I know! I’ll leave you for a moment, so you can have a wash – if you want to get dressed there are some dresses in the armoire” She pulled an apologetic face. “ Nothing terribly fancy. But wear them if you like, I think they are you size. PLEASE! Feel free to wander around the house, when your ready” She took in a quick gasp of air, as she had exasperated herself by her quick speech. With that, she turned on her heel once more and made her way out of the room with a final click from the door as it closed.
Once again, Sora found herself alone in the lavish if not strange room. Her only memories were of her, being in a single confined area.
She tried not to upset herself by searching for memories, which she clearly did not have. Instead she found herself drawn to the window, the delicate smell was once again with her; only now she could hear the sounds of threshing and hoof on stone.
She longed to explore the lavender fields that faced the scene outside the window, but caution prevented her from fulfilling her desires.
However the housemaid seemed trustworthy enough, and the people of the estate were good enough to save her from the wreckage, and tend to her wounds.
A cold sweat, spilled over her as visions of the night before burst into her mind.
No! She thought, desperately! She was not going to let herself be ruled by the crash. She forced her eyes to dart into the opposite direction. Where here eyes met with the jug and towel that the housemaid had brought for her, which were set next to a basin.
Sora threw the bed sheets away from her, so that she could sit on the edge of the bed. She took hold of the jug and carefully poured the water into the basin. Her bruised arms and shoulders barely managed to hold the hefty jug in place, before she let out a sigh of relief as she set the jug back down.
Mindfully, Sora reached for the bottom of her nightgown and slipped it off, careful not to disturb any of her wounds before discarding it to the foot of the bed.
Sora sat naked at the edge of the bed, the warm light from the window soothed her battered back, and she lost herself in the warmth for a brief moment.
Looking down at the bowl, surprisingly still giving off some steam. She caught a strong bitter smell coming from the water; she examined the basin’s content closer and realized that the water was of a yellow colour. It must be for my wounds, she thought to herself, as she soaked the towel in the hot water, wringing out the excess. Gingerly she placed the soaked towel onto a heavily sewn up wound on her thigh.
“Bastard!” she howled, as the medicated towel met with her traumatized flesh.
Persevering, she held the towel against the wound until she could bare the pain. Giving out only a pathetic whimper.
She re-soaked the towel and set upon leaving her wounds unwashed for the time being, she quickly gave her body a swift cleansing.
She threw the cloth into the basin, as she wondered whether or not she would be able to walk with such a deep gash on her thigh.
Sora examined it for a moment, and then ventured to stand up, putting her weight onto her good leg first. Then the second.
She was only met with the slightest twinge as she began to even out her weight; curious she touched the sewn wound on her thigh, with no feeling what at all in response. Sora concluded that the yellow liquid must be some kind of numbing agent.
Inspired by her small victory she proceeded to the armoire at the end of the room. Finding a small collection of plainly coloured dresses inside.
Her hand hovered over them as she set upon a short, blue dress. It was loosely fitted, so she felt comfortable that it would not disturb her stitches, and leave her haemorrhaging for a second time in less that twenty-four hours.
Sora slowly began to step into the dress, lifting it up onto her shoulders with all the observance of a carpenter.
There was a thin mirror in the reverse side of the armoire door.
Sora gave herself a quick inspection before deeming herself to be fit for an estate full of complete strangers.
Sora spat out a restrained laugh, as the foolishness of her vanity; in spite of the situation began to manifest.
Her hand traced the outline of her neck; the meaning of the medallion still puzzled her. Is this necklace why I’m important? Am I rich? Do I belong to this Olan’s family?
Sora gave a pathetic squeak as she closed the armoire and continued to the bedroom door. Seizing the smooth brass handle and in one fluid motion turned and opened the elegant door.
Sora stepped through the doorway, leaving it wide open. She stood still for a moment in an effort to gain some sense of direction. She was stood at the end of a long corridor that stretched far to her right, with two more corridors that split off from it half way in. The corridor was littered with gold detailed doors, spaced at regular intervals; flanked by walls, that were panelled in dark mature wood that matched the colour of the floor, which to Sora’s surprise did not make a single creak.
There is only one way to go you moron! She thought, making light of her foolishness. With that Sora made her way down the dark windowless corridor, admiring the several portraits of what she assumed were long since dead members of this Olan’s family.
Sora reached a pair of heavy velvet curtains at the end of the long drab corridor. Hesitating for only a moment she curled her fingers around the curtain and with some effort dragged it a side – Sora cringed for a moment as a jolt of pain surged through her shoulder.
I better not over do things, she thought to herself as she continued to part the weighty curtains.
Light broke into the corridor from somewhere past the curtains – with great strain she forced them aside.
Revealing a magnificent circular mezzanine, with five other sets of curtains, all set around the galleried staircase that broke off into two reaching to the lower levels; along with a smaller single staircase that connected the gallery to a level above. The mezzanine was bathed in exquisite daylight, from the glass dome at the centre of the room, the light shone against the smooth pink marble banisters that excelled even the large gold ornaments that furnished the room.
Sora’s feet had become bitterly cold, she tucked her toes in as she looked down to find that the wood from the corridor had been replaced with yet more marble; black and traced with white veins.
She wandered over to the garish pink banister; her bare feet made a loud slapping sound against the stone that resounded through the circular atrium. Sora rested her tattered hand against the cool appeasing stone. And began her decent, down the grand curved steps.
Reaching the bottom of the staircase, Sora was met by a less impressive sight. No marble, only plain pale grey masonry walls with an substantial wooden door directly ahead of her. Simple doors of ancient oak lined the two walls that flanked her; a world away from the fine gold trimming of the story above. The only two fine things in the hallway of the house were the delicate crystal chandeliers that must have spanned greater than Sora from top to toe. And exotic carpets, dyed in rich blues and purples. However faded a little in the middle from the years of traffic.
A strange feeling of repression came over her, so without thinking Sora made for the imposing door in front of her, quickening her step and widening her gate until she stood less than ten paces from the door than now towered over her.
How the hell and I going to manage this? She thought to herself, assessing the mammoth wooden door, standing at 10feet. She moved toward it and traced her fingers around one of the large iron rigs on the door.
It suddenly began to glow a strong iridescent blue and the doors flung open blowing a fierce gust of wind at Sora as they did.
The powerful draft had brought in the familiar smells of lavender and sea air, She stood for a moment in the rich daylight that spilled in through the doorway, she felt the aching throb of her injuries subside in the restorative sunlight. The sun seemed to bring her to life, a joy bubbled up in her stomach. Sora’s mouth stretched into a broad grin before that which had been building up inside her burst! – Sora sprang into the sunlight, racing on and on. Nothing contained her now! Nothing but the open blue expanse above.
Sora bounded ahead, oblivious to the hard stones under food, her eyes closed. The estate house was now far behind her. She stopped to catch her breath, her grin still well set on her face. She considered the impressive house now little more than a white, hand-sized silhouette against the bejewelled ocean behind it. The house’s glass down shimmered in the light, almost indistinguishable from the sea. Two other domes stood beside the glass dome, they instead were set with glazed tiles that bend and warped the light.
She turned on her whirled on the spot, her simple blue dress fanning out with the motion. Sora’s fixed smile dropped, and her eyes widened to the sight of an endless expanse of purple lavender fields. Their scent lingered in the air, the sea now totally eclipsed.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
"...in the breeze was spoiled by the offensive..." if you add the two sentences together, it makes the whole paragraph flow better. In the last sentence, cut the semi-colon.
This could all be one sentence, if you sished. The first part is a little awkward. "The scents of salt-air and lavender from the fields which skirted the cliff and over-looked the sea mixed tastefully and sent her into antoher world far removedf rom what she assumed was the night before." Something like that.
"Well, I am... here at the Master, Lord Olan's, estate... replied...." "...favourable situation," she...."
Slowly, an elegantly-linked gold chain began to sinuate from between...
It was a delicately crafted snake knotted within itself. Innumerable, thrilling gems took place as scales, and an arcane-looking symbol was clutched between the snake's open jaws. (careful witht he usage of commas).
..found you," Miss Winpol
Sora searched the jewel, fascinated by its form.
"Everything is in order, Miss, if there...clean it," Miss Winpol....
"No! Not...at all," Sora....
"Not a clue, but I'm sure that Master Olan will know," she said with confidence. "He is a very clever man," she continuted with pride.
...had business in town," Miss Winpol....
...dresses in the armoire." She pulled an apologetic face..."when you're ready." She took in...
However, the housemaid...wreckage, and to tend to her wounds....
You don't need the comma
Gingerly, she placed the soaked towel...
Sora spat out a restrained laugh as the roolishness of her vanity, in spite of the situation, began to manifest.
Seizing the smooth brass handle, in one fluid motion she turned and opend the elegant door.
There is only one way to go, you moron! she thought, making light of her foolishness. With that, Sora made her way down the dark, windowless corridor....
...cool, appeasing stone, and began her decent downt the grand, curved steps.
A strange feeling of repression came over her. So, without thinking, Sora made... widening her gait until she stood... door that now....
...a strong, iridescent blue....
The powerful draft had brought in the familiar smells of lavender and sea air. She stood for a moment in the rich...doorway. She felt the aching...bring her to life; joy bubbled up in her stomach.
..oblivious to the hard stones under foot...
..The house's glass dome shimmered... glass dome, they, instead, were set...
She whirled around on the spot....
*~*
I liked it, really I did. Except, really watch your paragraph spacing. Also, don't use unnecessary commas. Really really watch that, otherwise it makes it hard to read, and annoying for editors. The richness of the story makes it better, but really watch that.
Hey again Kris!
Anyway, here's my review. Same key as always!
Overall Comments:
I liked this chapter a lot better than your last one. everything is beginning to make sense now. Be careful of your awkward wording. I corrected the spots that I think you should fix. I combined a lot of sentences so I would just copy and paste this into a word document, then delete my comments. Anyway, well done! Keep up the good work! PM me if you have any questions!