Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
The army fights for the country
the soldier fights for his home.
The king fights for his family tree
and
the father fights for his son
*
The best of us fight for all countries
and for any cause.
Attempting to aid all parties,
Without cowrdice or flaws
*
We
fight proudly too.
with all our might
For everything that was true
but never came to light
"You
must be noble people then,"
a filthy beggar spoke,
"Gold will be appropiate for your poor men.
It will buy you some oblivion to smoke!"
We
hardly need any gold
We have no country or a place to call home
We are the remains of a broken time,
a hungry world.
*
Hopes
and dreams? Oh we wouldn't dare
We have no tommorow on sight.
It is our burden to bare,
our duty to make things right.
“You
are brave people then!
a civilian cried
“Your bodies might bend
but honnor will be by your side!”
*
What is the honor for?
War can not be won by manship
We are only men, knocking on death's door,
because
life is not a cause to worship,
not
anymore.
*
To
try it, would be the greatest defeat.
There never was glory in killing
And in dying alone on the street,
not one worthy feeling.
*
We
only have our unfortunate fate to blame,
May the years show mercy upon us
We were cursed to always be brave
May the doormen let our peccant souls pass
*
“It seems you are a loyal force”
a peasent said
“You need pleasure, bars and whores,
They shall keep your guilt fed!”
*
Pleasure
we can feel not anymore
Only sorrow for the graves we make
We are guilty of living in times of war
But we always moarn the men we take
*
We
drink in their names at night,
But never pray
We have no God or fright
nor a price we can afford to pay
*
May
the years show mercy upon our human race
As we rest under our beloved ground,
on death's cold embrace,
Let our sacrifice be profound.
.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hi, it’s Princess here to review your poem! Please don’t be offended or feel you have to change anything if you don’t want to - everything I say in this review is simply my opinion.
To begin, I’d like to say this is a really good poem with a really serious theme and you have shown that theme well throughout the poem. About the length of the poem - although it is quite long, none of it is fluff or nonsense. Good job on that.
The first stanza is really good. It’s a really interesting way to start a poem, and you certainly made it work.
The second stanza is also very good and I have no comments on it.
“with all our might” - I think this would sound better with an extra word is in, maybe “for all of our might”.
The fourth stanza was good, but parts of it didn’t make sense, such as “your poor men”. But I liked the concept of speech in it!
The fifth stanza was also very effective and worked well, but I was confused by “a hungry world”.
The sixth stanza was good and I have no comment on it.
In the seventh stanza, I was confused by the last two lines. What do you mean by “your bodies might bend”?
I liked the phrase “knocking on death’s door” in the eighth stanza. I also liked the added on line at the end.
I didn’t really understand the first line of the ninth stanza but the rest of it was really good.
In the tenth stanza, I was quite confused by the last line.
I really liked the eleventh and twelfth stanzas and I have no comments on them.
In the thirteenth stanza, what do you mean by “no God or fright”?
I really like the fourteenth stanza, especially the last line, “Let our sacrifice be profound.” This closed the poem really well.
Overall, I think that with a bit of development and a few edits, this poem would reach its full potential and be an amazing poem. Once again, please don’t be offended or feel you have to do anything in this review as it is all just my opinion. I hope this was helpful and have a good day!
Its a good poem, I love the first part about soldiers and fathers, son. The topic is very cool, I love what you did it on. I feel like its a little long though, and its mostly the depressing parts of war. Maybe try to put positive things
unless its all about the harsh things.
when I saw the title I really wanted to read it but at first I was like no, but when I saw you had no comment or review on it I felt I should.
Keep up the good work!!
Thank you for your comments.
I don't believe there is anything positive about war. Otherwise I would have included it.
Well I depends, there can be good things about war even know its a bad thing. Like the outcome of it if you win or not. They learn stuff very useful in life, they can fight, and there leadership goes up a ton. Yes there is a lot of blood and violence in it but you also have to remember what they fight for. If they accomplish there goal to protect there love ones. War is a consistent thing in life but I feel we do it to try to stop other wars from happening. There will always be violence, and hate in the world, no one will be able to change that. May I ask you a question??? Have you ever gone to basic or went to a military school, or joined the army at all??? You do not have to answer if you do not want to.
Well that is a romantic notion. However I wanted to capture the harsh realistic part of war. I really stand by what I wrote, there is nothing good into war. I understand what you mean though. At times it is a necessary evil, but still evil.
And to answer your question, it is obligatory in my country.
Thanks for your comments!
Okay, no problem
Ohhhhh... makes more sense. I do agree on most of what you put though in this poem. It's really good, have a nice day.