Killing inside

I love this, but it was really short, and the ending had nothing to do with the rest of it. It didn't rhyme at all so it bothered me. I think that if you fix that it would be perfect.

Hey there!

I'm just going to reiterate what everyone's said, really, and just point out the lack of emotion you have going through this poem. You have the idea, and you make some points about the subject, but you never expand on those points. You don't, in a way, delve any deeper than the surface throughout the course of your poem. So that's what you want to do, really. Get into the emotions of the topic and really connect.

~Amy

Hey Kookie!

First of all, the title looks quite awful! You may want to edit it so that it's in proper English. Because, really, that's the cool thing to do.

Now, as far as the poem goes, it seems largely full of statements... and that's it. All the statements are... well... stated, and then you move on before you can explain why those statements are real and what makes those statements so important to you. Poetry is more about stating the obvious... poetry is about using a poem to turn our words into a kaleidoscope in which we can see all of humanity shift and change with every word. So don't be afraid of putting emotion and describing things! That will make your story that much better in the long run.

Well, this wasn't to bad, the subject is a little over done, but it's not the most horrible poem on the face of the earth. But I understand needing to release feelings and I find for me, writing is the best way to do it, and I must pat you on the back for being able to release without having the poem turn into a huge "Woe as me" fest. I agree about adding in the "I" and "Really" as Heart said before me, and I also agree with Empress about originality. What you got here is a good little poem, but next time maybe try for something a little more original, yeah?

It was really, really depressing. With not all that much insight. I understand that you want a creative release but you know what goes hand-in-hand with creativity? Individuality, and though this portrays sorrow, I don't think it really feels like you. Write about things you know, with words your enamored with-- cotton balls and tomato soup, fish heads and dog tail's, whatever sparks your creativity. I urge you to try something else-- this wasn't a bad little poem, but with a little more of your own memories or thoughts it could be so much more.
Sorry if this sounded harsh. Hope it helped a little.
Empress

I liked this alot, especially the ending.

But I do have a few suggestions to help with the rhythm. For example, on the second line, I would insert something like "really" or something right before "care" to make it flow a little better.

Also, on the third line, maybe you could put "I" right before "can't" to avoid confusion. Same for the next two lines. And on the seventh line, you don't really need to put a hyphen.

And just one more thing. on the last two lines, you rhyme them with "trend" and "end". and it kinda sounds like you're just trying to make them rhyme without putting any meaning into the words. Your use of trend leaves the reader feeling a bit confused, since you did not elaborate. Sure, we know that it is a lonely trend, but what kind of trend is it? The trend of listening to his lies? It can be tricky, but try not to let the rhyme eat up the meaning of the poem

That's about it, and overall, you did a really, really good job =)

Keep writing!
-ash