The Rain Comes Down

Heya Kook!

First and foremost, always remember to spell-check your work before submitting it. Not only it's annoying to read something that has a lot of typos, it also gives the readers an impression the author isn't really even serious about the work, plus at parts things might be difficult to understand if they're misspelled badly. Obviously, you can't trust spell-check wholly, as it only marks the words that don't exist in English language, but this makes it even more important to read your work at least once through before posting it on the forums.

The lyrics themselves, I felt, were quite basic. I've heard a lot of songs and read a lot of lyrics with same themes, and at some point they stop being interesting to me, since I've seen it so many times before. This of course makes sense, because all the people live in the same world and go through the same emotions, so it's impossible to avoid hearing the same stuff more than once. But this is where the difference between a writer and an ordinary person lies: a writer, despite feeling the exact same sadness as the ordinary person, can make this emotion sound like he's the first person in the world to go through it. He can make it sound new, unique, surprising, anything he wants, because he has all the existing words and knows how to use them. Whereas the ordinary person just has to stick with "I'm sad and lonely. I have no one to love."

But, this is a song, and lyrics are just one side of the coin. There's also the music aspect, and it's often what gets more attention, at least when you hear a song first time. And it's a lot different reading just the lyrics like here instead of hearing the song with music.

I hope I have given you something to think about You can PM me anytime!


Demeter
x

hey there,
well, I liked the rythm of your song but there were ALOT of typos.
I'm no sure if it was on purpose but when you post something, try to spell things correctly to make it easier for others to read! Here's the typos I noticed, although possibly they don't fit with the tune/rythm in your head so then just ignore them

The real me I hide
No one sees inside
past the mask I wear,
I really couldn't care. (maybe swap the words around?)


To trust is to be hurt, (I love this line!)
no one sees I'm weak
No one sees my fear
No one sees my tears


CHORUS:


But when the rain comes down
to wash my tears away,
when the rain comes down
I cry myself to pieces.


I'm locked up inside,
behind all the lies;
I can't open up
I can't be broken twice


I have lost myself,
afraid to be who I am
I'm noone now
The real me is lost in this web of lies (im not sure whether this goes with your rythm , but in my head it clashes with the rest a bit...maybe make it shorter?)


CHORUS x2


Then I gotta pick me up
and move on like it's nothin'
'cause I ain't got no one
no shoulder left to cry on.