This poem first appears in Heart and Mind Zine, June 2016 issue.
I didn’t expect to see you
In this quite a crowded place
Where everyone I meet
Hugs and sleeps with rats and crumbs around.
Well, I immediately recognize you
Like you will recognize any blue-blooded fellow
Who was once biting a silver spoon
But by any means, was biting her nails beside the streets.
I remember you seated in your throne
Of rocks in the mountains, and water cascading between them.
Where was that royalty that I saw before?
Seems to be here with me
With spare coins in cans.
EXPLANATORY NOTES
*Iligan (also known as the City of Majestic Waterfalls, formerly the Industrial City of the South) is one of the cities in Philippines located in the Northern part of Mindanao. The city is well-known for Maria Cristina Falls, the major source of electricity in Mindanao, Tinago Falls (Hidden Falls), and it's delicious Lechon.
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Hey there! I saw this in the Green Room, so I figured I'd come and review it.
I've been to the Philippines, though I've never been to Iligan, so I found this poem quite interesting. I could really picture the scene here. Overall, I think this is a very powerful poem in subject matter and overall imagery, but you could reword some of your lines to make it flow better.
You don't need the 'a'.
It's unclear what 'you' you're referring to here. 'You' in the second line seems to be referring to a general, all-encompassing 'you', which isn't a good idea when you're referring to a specific person throughout the rest of the poem.
I'd recommend changing 'once biting' to 'once bit' to make it feel more immediate. Your last line also doesn't make much sense - "by any means" means that the person tried really hard to get there, which I don't think is the case. I think "but now" is more along the lines of what you mean. Overall, however, I'd recommend reworking this stanza entirely to make it feel more immediate. Don't write it like you're speaking - things like "Well," tend to detract from the flow. Instead, add a few more sensory details to the woman biting her nails in the street. What else is going on around her?
You don't need the comma, and "and" should be "with."
Should be "Where is," but overall, I think the line is rather weak because you're just asking a direct question.
I really like your last two lines - they convey the tone very clearly and wrap up your poem well. Anyway, I hope this helped a bit!
A good day to you, yo! I'm not from Iligan, but I am a native of the Philippines, so this poem immediately caught my eye in the Green Room. Anywho, the imagery on display here was strong, bringing forth some pretty detailed mental pictures to the read. Aside from that, the dichotomy between the impoverished cityscape and the beautiful waterfalls, while only briefly glimpsed at, was an interesting addition. I kind of wish there were more lines expanding upon it, but that might have messed with the way the storytelling flowed, so I understand why you decided against. Overall, this was a great piece.