The wood was being painted by the hot warm sun which spread all across the golden corn fields. But something bad was brewing you could feel it in the air and you could see it in the bloody grass, There was the bleeding farmer lying on the grass with a carrot shoved deeply into his scrotum. He said to me "help me" i said "who did this" he replied with "It was Pedro the crack dealing rabbit". I said "why did he shove this carrot into your scrotum" then the farmer said " I owed him money, lots of it". I stood staring at the bleeding scrotum for masturbating purposes but suddenly a bullet hit the almost dead farmer sending his brains all over my freshly persil cleaned white shirt. I quickly turned around and i saw a red bandanna and a lot of white fluff then i noticed he had long white ears he came closer and he said "Yo blud what you doing on my yard fam" i said "well i was going for a walk and noticed a farmer had some how got a carrot shoved in his scrotum this bedallzed me". Then the rabbit said " You think your bad blud" i said " I think your mum is bad hahah" Then the rabbit picked up a dirty blade and shoved it in my eye"
The end.....for now
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this one is clearly meant solely for laughs because I for one do not see any kind of properly cohesive story here. It looks like you've simply exaggerated several things just for laughs and that's fine although personally this type of humor doesn't quite agree with me.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well um....I guess you probably don't expect too much of a serious plot critique here because this definitely seems like something that was written purely as a joke and not intended to be a serious story. And in that regard I have to say this is a strange way to go about it. Its not really all that funny at least to the sense of humor that I have so maybe that's why I feel like this really doesn't mean anything so if that's the case sorry.
So putting all of that aside and focusing purely on the story itself, its not very well structured. When someone new speaks you always must start a new paragraph and so this should be at least four or five separate paragraphs which would really help out in reading 'cause at the moment the big old one paragraph blob technique has been utilized and that is not too great. And I think that's about all there is to it. Its a really short piece so a short review.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall well I don't really have anything to say here. Fix up the formatting a little to makes things easier to read and be careful with the punctuation when writing dialogue.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
............
Okay bud, first of all, you need to have two reviews before you post a story. It's a 2:1 ratio. Second of all, you need to use proper grammar and spelling. No chat speak. You need to capitalize all of your I's also. Last, thing, you need to paragraph your dialogue. That way we will know who is speaking.
I want to review this, but i need to know something first, is this a piss take?