Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Night had already fallen, or so the swordsman presumed. Since there were no windows or clocks, he wasn’t truly sure himself. However, his body was growing restless and with a single yawned, it was all he needed to confirm the time. Silas was sitting on his bed with his pants completely removed and hanging on the chair in the corner of the room. In his hand was his sword, which he brought it up to his face. He grabbed the handle and he unsheathed it from its leather scabbard.
It was a large broadsword, having a hilt made of silver with images of vines and an eye in the middle. Leather wrappings encased around the handle and strange blocky letter were engraved on the lower part of the blade. However, when the blade was fully unsheathed, the sword was cut in the middle with the end removed and only sharp edges remained. Even the words were cut halfway and was barely readable with Silas trying to decipher its message.
In the court of the king? What does that even mean? Ever since he obtained the sword, that phrase was all he could read and without the other half of the sword, he was unable to understand the rest of the saying.
What was he to do? There was only one thing to do.
“Alright. tell me what you know.”
He laid still. His eyes darting at the door and back before sighing in relief. He didn’t want anyone to barge in for the time being and wanted to be sure he was undisturbed for what he was about to do. His eyes closed. Completely engrossed in the darkness. light flashed, and images appeared in his head. he was alone, standing on a mountain as he gazed out into the scenery. The clouds moved rapidly in every direction. The mountains whistled; mist festering from the caves all around with the beaks covered in snow. This was the same vision Silas has been having ever since he came into position of the broken sword and it would always end in the same scenario. Silas turned around and was face-to-face with an ominous cave mouth in the form of a demon’s face with holes, stalagmites, and stalactites resembling glaring eyes and jagged fangs. He was about to step right in, but everything then ended in a flash.
Silas’s eyes snapped open.
“Dammit. I was so close,” he muttered. He pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned.
What he needed from the sword was right in front of him, but every time Silas is in such a state of mind, the answers would continue to allude him. he would have to try again but at another time. a knock appeared at the door and it was too light to be from the old man. Silas got up and went to go check. When he opened it, he was not too surprised at who was behind the door.
“Good evening, Mr. Dunkirk. May I come in?”
Standing right before the swordsman was Anya who was dressed in a translucent attire. Silas was even taken aback by the view of the nipples of her perky breasts coming into erect. Taking a step aside, Silas gestured a hand and smiled nervously.
“S-sure. Come right in,” said Silas. Beads of sweat falling from his brow.
The young woman walked in and plopped onto the edge of the bed while Silas did the same. This was the first time that he had ever been alone with a woman and wasn’t sure how to proceed with such a transaction. He wasn’t sure what to do when Anya placed a hand on his leg, caressing her fingers as she made her way to his crotch. However, Silas stopped her, which made her gasped as he gripped her wrist.
“How old are you?” he questioned.
She responded straightforwardly. “I am 18-years-old. What about you?”
“I am 25-years-old.”
He took a deep breath as his brows narrowed.
“Tell me, Anya. Your grandfather told you what you must do but are you okay with this yourself.” Anya looked at him with confusion. She was young, and he was beginning to have second thoughts. the weight of the situation was raining down on his very shoulders. “You don’t have to force yourself to do it if you don’t want to. we’ll lie and just tell grandfather the deed is done.” He was hoping she would be happy with such a proposition that would ease the two of them.
However, she rejected and shook her head. “No. I want to do it. it is my grandfather’s wish and me having a child would make him happy.”
This was starting to feel like déjà vu.Silas sighed as he pursed his lips. He was unaware that had already removed her dress and was lying on her back with her legs spread open. Her gazed turned and her arms stretched out as her cheeks burned a red hue. “Please, take me. you can touch me however you like.”
Silas watched her perturbed. He wanted to decline and wanted to tell her to go back to her room. However, he complied and removed his cotton shirt. There was no way of avoiding this encounter and there was no way to change the young Anya’s mind. He approached the young woman but stopped in hesitation. Silas struggled to move forward as if something was holding him back. He bit his lower lip so hard that he broke the skin as blood began trickling down to his chin before wiping it off with the back of his hand. He overcame the weight of his conscience as the thought of leaving the Axiom Desert pushed it away. He leered forward and embraced her with a gentle kiss to her neck. The softness of her bronze skin brought shivers. He started to moved. He stopped as the deed was done as Silas and Anya remain in the same place. In the end, it worked out all right and all Silas had to do was stay until morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morning had arrived, and it was time for the swordsman to leave. After getting dressed, he got everything in order as he crept down the staircase and followed the old man to the front door. Putting his shoes on, he listened as the old man gave him the directions.
“So, you know where to go, right?”
“Go up north for about seven paces before turning right. Once I walk for about thirteen feet, I’ll find a pathway through the mountains that will take me out of the desert and strain to the plains,” Silas confirmed. He grimaced with his eyes raised. He was about to walk out the door. However, he turned his gaze at the stairs as a glimmer of guilt appeared in his eyes. “What are you going to tell Anya after I had left?”
“Do not worry, swordsman. The deed is done, and she will understand. My granddaughter is strong and will survive a broken heart.” Although that was not enough to reassure him, Silas accepted it and went on his way.
The old man closed the door behind him and breathed heavily until he jumped at the sound of his Anya running down the stairs to see her grandfather at the front door.
“Is he really gone?”
“Yes. He is.”
“Will he ever come back?”
Elmund shook his head. “I don’t think so. He had fulfilled his purpose and is on his way to god knows where.” The sheer bluntness of his words rung into the young woman’s ears as she wept.
Anya was saddened as she fell back and sat on the steps. She gripped her chest, feeling her heart twinge in pain as if someone was crushing it. She hated the feeling of abandonment from watching her people leaving the area to her parents’ death. While she knew Silas wasn’t going to stay for long, but she assumed he would have stayed and say goodbye to her in person. However, that was mostly wishful thinking on her part.
Her hand traced down to her stomach. She was expecting life to be growing inside of her, but she would have to wait and see. The thought of it brought her out of her anguish and the feeling of joy made her face lit up. Elmund was elated to see his granddaughter’s spirits up. Sadly, such a sensation of happiness would not last for long as all good things must come to an end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Silas walked for about half a mile away. The sandstorm was over, but the intense heat of the sun remained. He followed the old man’s instructions thoroughly while his eyes were obstructed by the sweat that fell from his head. he looked over his shoulder and spotted the house in the distance. He frowned as a feeling of guilt and shame washed over him. he was officially a man, having slept with a woman just to get information on how to get out of a godforsaken space. Worse of it all, she may be carrying his child and it just pained him. pinching the bridge of his nose, he took a deep breath and brushed all off. Can’t think of that, right now. You have other obligations that matter. Besides, you’re just a stud used for breeding. I doubt they want you in your child’s life.
He looked up and his eyes widened in fear. A dark figure loomed in the distant and it was approaching the cottage at a practical pace. One would assume that was merely a mirage but that was not the case.
Oh no. he’s already here. He turned around and quickly entered the pathway through the small mountain. His body trembled. Thoughts of guilt fluttered in his mind as he grimaced. Please, God. If you are truly up there. protect them from the evil that approaches. The shadow was only after him, hunting him down since he came to the Axiom Desert. So, he hoped that it would ignore the house and continue hunting him, but such hope is empty, and fate is always predetermined to those who cross certain paths.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back at the cottage, Elmund and Anya heard a loud thud echoed against the door three times. No. it can’t be him. Elmund assumed it was Silas but once he opened the door, his jaw nearly reached the floor as a hulking figure towered over him.
It looked like a man that stood about eight feet in height and hunching over with large brooding shoulders and hands. He was adorned in rags from head to toe with a hat wide enough to shield him from the sun while his face and hands was covered in bandages with his glowing blue eyes glaring down at the old man.
Elmund was terrified. Death was at his door and terror washed all over the old man. Elmund new the creature meant harm as a dark aura festered from his body. He turned to Anya who had the same look on her face as he did before he looked back at the creature. He slowly stepped back and turned, preparing to sprint away and grab Anya, so to bring her to safety but it was too late.
“Anya! Run!”
The creature was quick. With lightning speed, he reached with his hand entangling the old man’s head as his fingers wrapped around and crushed it with ease. Blood splattered all around with an eye flying onto the floor. Anya screamed at the top of her lungs. Her grandfather’s headless body laying lifeless on the floor. the creature’s eyes were now on the young woman and approached her, taking about three steps across the hardwood floor as he got closer. Anya was frozen still. Her heart pounding rapidly while watching the monster coming to her. she managed to break free and regain her strength as she dashed up the stairs and into her room, sliding under her bed and hid. She tried her best to stay quiet while silently praying to the god of her family for protection. With her ear against the floorboards, she could hear the creature moving. It wasn’t doing much. It was just pacing back and forth under her.
It wasn’t coming up after her.
Anya was a little relieved. All she had to do was wait and the creature would grow tired and leave her house, thinking she would be spared by the same fate as her grandfather. Tears began to fall as she grimaced.I need to get out of here. Anya could no longer live in her home and must leave once the monster was gone. She even thought that it was time to search for her family out in the Axiom Desert and raise her child in their settlement. Sadly, that was just wishful thinking.
The floor under her began to tremble. Anya perked up and was startled as she attempted to get away. appearing out of the wood was a pair of hands, grabbing the young woman by the arms and dragging her into the floorboard with the wailing of her screams following her but was shrouded by the ravenous roars of the monster. The cracks surrounding the hole grew larger and spread outward from Anya’s room and throughout the second floor, causing it to collapse and consume the entire home while burying the remains into the sand. All that remained was debris with pieces of wood piling up as the winds of the sand beginning to set in. suddenly, the wood began to move and pushing out was the creature as it staggered out, appearing indifferent to the ruination it descended as it slowly followed the same direction as the swordsman. In his hand, Anya laid lifeless and the creature merely tossed her into the sand, watching her be consumed as she quickly sank.
For the first time in a hundred years, blood was spilt on the land and the house that once stood was no more. The creature continued pursuing its prey. Hunting. Hungering for more blood and seeking what rightfully belongs to him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back in the caves, Silas walked through the wet stone floors, which was difficult as it was like walking on ice in certain parts. He made sure to watch his step, slipping a few times while carefully holding his position without falling. He sighed and trailed a hand against his face. That was the fifth time in under 30 minutes. Don’t want to wind up with a cracked skull. If I pass out, that…thing will get the jump on me.
Silas looked over his shoulder. He saw how far away he was from the entrance—about 15 feet away from when he went in—but that made him only even more nervous for there were chances that the monster was getting closer. So, he picked himself up and proceeded towards the exit. During his walk, he noticed the beauty of the cave. He watched the stalactites glistening from the waters that dripped from its tips. He looked to his left, admiring the large pool of water that flowed, collecting and forming the cavern on top of it for centuries. suddenly, he heard a crack and looked down to see a small wooden horse under his foot.
What the hell? Why is there a toy in a cave?Silas’s brow arched He bent down to pick it up, examining every part as well as the large crack on the abdomen. Many people travel through the caves to enter the plains. so, it would not be much of a surprise to find some curios lying around. his eyes widened, and he gasped. Wait. Haven’t I seen something like this before?Silas trailed a hand across the wooden frame with a sensation of familiarity surging through his mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Memories started to flood in. The walls of the cave transformed from stone to wood around him as the space became smaller. Several bunkbeds filled the spaces. He turned and saw his reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall, seeing himself at twelve years of age. In one hand, he was holding a wooden horse that was in the worse conditions compared to the other one, missing one leg with the wooden body decaying from years of neglect. In the other was a photograph of a couple holding a newborn child. It was torn on the corners with three holes burned on the front. Silas sighed as his heart grew heavier in his chest. “I guess, it’s just you and me in this world, huh, Sabastian.” They were the only ones in the room. All the beds were empty and barely made. The boy sighed. He caressed the horse gingerly as his eyes watered.
Suddenly, at the front of the room, the door opened fast. Silas jumped and quickly hid the horse and the picture under his raggedy pillow. Standing at the doorway was a tall figure of a man with his hands on his hips and a wide grin on his face.
“Hey! New kid! What are you still doing in bed?! The others are waiting for you in the courtyard!” the figure pointed behind him. his tone sounding loud but friendly. Silas leaped out of bed and followed the figure out the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Silas found himself back in the cave. He was farther than he originally was as he saw that the cave’s surroundings were completely different than before. the wooden horse was still in his hand and he placed it in his backpack. No time for reminiscence. Gotta keep moving. Looking at the end, he saw a light. A smile formed in the corners of his face as he dashed, not even caring about tripping over and falling onto his face.
Out of the cave, Silas found himself on a hill. With his boots planted on the greenish-brown, he gazed out and was mesmerized by the beautiful fertile horizon that stretched for miles on end before stopping at the tall mountains. He looked down and spotted a town in the distance, and he did not hesitate to dash down the hill and straight towards it. Thank God. Civilization. I’ll be able to restock on supplies before I continue moving. He wanted to restock at the old man’s house. However, seeing as they did not have much, he did not want to give them that much of a burden. Unbeknownst to the swordsman, danger was lurking, especially in such a quiet town.
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
*cracks knuckles*
Here I am, as promised! I have a bit of spare time, so I might as well throw in a review before I head on over to dinner and such. I’mma keep things short-ish and focus on the sex scene between Chapters 1 and 2. Partly because that’s the only part I’ve really read, and partly because there’s a lot to talk about.
First, a summary:
This reads like a transparent setup to show someone having sex with a sixteen-year-old girl. And if you don’t find a problem with that, then I’m deeply concerned.
But, before I talk about ethics, I’d like to go into the details of why this scene is so transparent and so disturbing. It boils down to the personalities of Anya and Silas, and how you try to apply consent when and where it doesn’t belong. Because yeah, this is not consensual. Anya is driven into this by the desire to raise children for her creepy grandfather, and Silas agrees out of desperation (lol because that’s really what you want to think about your protagonist – he’ll do anything for a way out). Consent is when two partners want to have sex, communicate with each other, and establish boundaries that can and do shift as the partners’ moods change. As soon as Anya undresses and he gives the thumbs up, though, they throw all of that to the wind. And, if they were both adults who were well-acquainted with sexual relationships, sure, that’d be fine. But it doesn’t make sense here – Silas shows too many concerns, and Anya is sixteen.
Yeah, Anya is the most unrealistic sixteen-year-old girl I have ever seen. She’s written like a sex object. Her dresses and outfits either show off her “curves” or her “curves” and everything else. She doesn’t wear what sixteen-year-old girls wear, she doesn’t talk like sixteen-year-old girls talk, and it seems very obvious who she was written for. And I’m reasonably sure she’s a virgin, unless her grandfather is creepier than I thought and has been setting her up with whoever wanders through this post-apoc nightmare (in which case, screw him). Even if she isn’t a virgin, I’d expect her to be apprehensive about this. Becoming pregnant and giving birth to a child isn’t some magical, beautiful process. It is ugly, gross, painful, and – depending on the person – extremely gratifying for like 1% of that time. Unless Anya’s had it beat into her head that she needs to raise children and that it will be an amazing experience – and, if so, her grandfather is a monster – I would expect her to be hesitant, insecure, and fumbling. Heck, I’m not even sure why she agrees to this at all. With almost all the people she used to know gone, I’d imagine she’d be jaded, tired, and disinterested in having sex with someone twice her age.
Repeat: Silas is almost twice her age.
And lol I cannot relate to Silas at all. He’s supposed to be the protagonist, right? In that sex scene, he goes from “maybe it violates my ethics to sleep with a teenage girl” to “haha she said yes, might as well” in the drop of a hat. His ethics are only meaningful to him when they don’t involve sleeping with someone. I really don’t care if he’s “desperate,” or if Anya, for whatever reason, is super eager about this. He’s either a coward or a rapist. And if that seems too harsh, that’s just how I’m reading it. Our protagonist is a swordsman. He can cut down an old man and his granddaughter with ease. There is no “well, he was pushed into it and she wanted it, so whatever.” He has a choice – have sex with Anya or leave. Anya doesn’t have a choice – her grandfather wants her to have a sex with a stranger and, by god, that’s what she’s going to do. Enthusiastic as Anya is (which, like I said, is unrealistic), the person making the choice here is Silas. So, I’m going to flip the table a little here. Does she want this, or does he want this?
The worst part is that you could’ve executed this all so much better. I wouldn’t mind if Silas was a desperate coward; flawed protagonists are fun as heck. I would tolerate Anya’s personality and clothing if I knew it was her grandfather’s doing, and if you pointed out just how creepy and fake and gross it all is. But nope. Silas is the hero, Anya is pregnant, creepy grandpa did nothing wrong, and the whole thing is depicted as a much more amazing and rewarding experience than it has any right to be. And it’s disgusting. Why should Anya be surprised that Silas slips away? Did she really expect anything else from the stranger she just had a one-night stand with? Why does she, a sixteen-year-old girl, for no obvious reason, spout about the beauty of conception and weep that Silas is gone?
That brings me back to something I said earlier; you just drove most of your audience away. The only thing keeping from forgetting that I ever read this is the obligation to tell you how wrong this is. The only people who’d still be reading at this point? I think you can read between the lines for me. I would have loved to read a much different story. Maybe Anya is sick of her grandfather’s nonsense. Maybe Silas convinces her just how gross her situation is. Maybe she works with Silas to break out and escape to somewhere better. There are so many things you could’ve done to a. prevent such a nonconsensual sex scene, and b. make Silas into a hero. That you don’t, and you don’t show any obvious problems with the setup and aftermath of the sex scene, makes it hard for me to believe that you didn’t full well know what you were writing. And that bothers me.
The end of Chapter 1? Straight-up porn. Don’t try to hide behind “fantasy with sexual situations” or something like that. I write fantasy with sexual situations – I blur the lines, fade to black, use euphemisms, etc. This is as blatant as it is explicit. And I think you need to rethink what you’re writing, because it’s going to get a lot of people wondering what it says about you.
-Silver
You do realize that the age of sixteen is the legal age of marriage, not only in the United States, but in certain regions of the world. second, this is fantasy with sexual situations as books like George R. R. Martin's Game of Thrones and Stephen King's Dark Tower does stuff like this all. the. time.
If you actually read the chapter, you would have known that Edmund is not a creepy old man but a desperate grandfather wanting to continue the bloodline as they are the only Hinn left in the area and the Axiom Desert is hectic. Sure. Silas would have cut him down with a BROKEN sword but he complied as Elmund knows how to get out of the inhospitable desert and had no choice in the matter. also, yes, it was consensual and Anya being sad is mostly out of trauma from abandonment as EVERY member of their tribe is no longer around and was sad that he did not say goodbye. that is the most realistic part of the story as people will do anything out of desperation out of survival. also, if you actually read the second chapter, you would realize that there was a monster chasing Silas that killed the entire family in cold blood.
While everyone is entitled to their opinion, but all I read is someone who just skimmed through the chapters and took everything out of context just to bash me with "man twice his age has sex with sixteen year old is a no-no" and demand that I do what you say, which I'm not going to as I can tell that you didn't even read the entire chapter.
Also, your assumption that I have chased away my audience is completely inaccurate as there are people reading this story and appreciating the dark and humanistic elements of the story. the way you read Silas is myopic and based on innocent idealism itself as anyone in Silas's shoes would do the same thing as the world is full of chance and anarchy while what you are demanding is a neater and nicer depiction of sex. what do you want me to do? write this as a story of rainbows and unicorns? I am not going to do that.
lol "but you didn't read the chapter!!!!!" is the oldest excuse in the book. And my response is the same - it is a disturbing sex scene and Anya is a sex object. Laws mean nothing on ethics, I don't care if some famous writer does or does not do some thing (and if they do, they either do it better, or screw them), and desperate and creepy are not mutually exclusive. Elmund's desperate? Sure, I can see that. But lol, Anya sure isn't sad when she goes down on Silas, and that one man could have such a profound impact on her after a one-night stand isn't realistic. And yeah, desperate people do anything to survive, but if you think it makes me have any respect for Silas, you are sorely mistaken. Also, if you think anyone would have sex with a sixteen year old in that situation, I am again very concerned.
Gritty doesn't mean profound. Silas is a desperate coward; that in itself isn't necessarily bad, like I already said. And honestly? The problem with your sex scene is that it is, in fact, rainbows and unicorns. There is no fumbling, there is no fear, just two people throwing caution to the wind and having amazing sex. Which isn't how reality works. That's why I hate Silas - he's rewarded with good sex and a way out. And Anya will likely never show up again, except for more sex. Because lol pregnancy at sixteen? Totally fine, no problem whatsoever.
Lastly, you're talking to an existentialist. I don't believe in morality as a consistent concept. I *do* believe a sixteen-year-old girl forced into sex/pregnancy is a violation of her self, and that glorifying it is screwed up. Why are you promoting any of this?
tl;Dr: sex ain't pretty. But if you tell me this is consensual, I expect consensual. And this is too unrealistic to be consensual. Stop fetishising teenagers.
P.S.: I could read every single word in every draft you ever wrote, and you would say I'm taking it out of context. I. don't. care. I should be able to read the scene itself and get at least a general impression about it. If not, that's the writer's fault.
News flash. I'm also an existentialist and a consequentialist that believes morality is relative and that actions have outcomes. Silas isn't rewarded for sex if you actually read the story as Anya and Elmund were brutally killed in the second chapter and Silas feels guilty for abandoning Anya and would later feel guilty about being the cause of their deaths. If I was going to make Anya a main character, then I wouldn't have killed her off in the second chapter. Me promoting it is YOUR opinion, which is still shortsighted and idiotic as you're focus more on the sex scene than ANYTHING ELSE in the story. You might not like it but everyone has a different perspective and understand it better than you do like Zoom who can recognize realism than you do. of course, there wasn't going to be fumbling or fear for before they even get down to it, there was concern as Silas asked if she was okay with it but have come to accept it. Frankly, if you hated the story, then you shouldn't have reviewed it in the first place
Honestly, i don't think you came on this chapter to give an actual review. I think you just wrote this whole review as a means to troll this story and get me to conform to your standards, which I'm not going and just going to have to wait what other people think of it.
p.s. if you post a response, then you are just proving my point on what a troll you really are.
Lol "you just hate this story!!!!" is the second-oldest excuse in the book. And yeah, I do hate this. Silas should feel guilt about the situation he was caught up in. Silas should feel guilt that he had sex with a sixteen year old, or feel guilt that her grandfather was pushing her into that situation, or feel guilt about any part of that. Sure, he should feel guilt when they die, and I'll give you credit for that. But there really isn't any repercussions or emotional dilemmas over the sex itself, and lol of course Anya dies.
And guess what? It's okay to hate things. I don't want to spend my life chasing everything that makes me happy. Sometimes I do want to settle down and write about how much something sucks. It's cathartic, it forces me to think, and maybe, if I'm really lucky, it'll make you think.
Also, I love how disagreeing with you makes me unrealistic. Zoom gave you praise for your "gritty" and "dark" story, so he deserves a medal. But I don't like what I'm reading, so I'm "shortsighted and idiotic." Great job insulting me, by the way. But yeah, everyone has a different perspective than me, but there's at least two people who liked my review, so that's two other perspectives to keep in mind. And guess what? I don't care what happens after that sex scene. A lot of people are going to go "what on earth" and stop reading after that sex scene. Because it is socially uncomfortable to read about underaged sex with a much older dude. Go look at Vladimir Nabokov. Like it or not, you are a part of society. I'm stealing from Simone de Beauvoir here, but you have to play the game to some extent. You can find loopholes and exceptions, but glorifying sex with a sixteen-year-old is not one of them. Especially if you can't realize that sex is messy and gross and fumbling and disgusting through and through. That's how it is everywhere except porn, which the end of Chapter 1 just so happens to be.
"You're just trying to force your opinions on me!!!!" is the third-oldest trick in the book. I'm telling you your writing sucks and you're fetishising teenagers. Do whatever you want with that.
Oh lol that's cute. Yes, go run on back to your yes men and wonder why you keep having this conversation every week/month. Surely it's all their fault. How dare they mock you. It's not as though they're making a point about you fetishishing teens.
You realize women don't spend all their time thinking about their boobs or their "curves," right?
Bahaha you won't even respond to me.
Alright, I'll make this my last comment - this is child pornography, stop being a creep.
It isn't the review that makes you shortsighted and idiotic but how you obsessed with something as trivial as sex and what makes you unrealistic is that you're using a feministic perspective of it, which is based on postmodern ideas and the idea that anything you feel is factual when it isn't. the consensual age of a woman is sixteen and anyone who knows that would be understandable. At least I didn't make her any younger. You know what is even more pathetic is that you are still keeping up with the argument and still focusing on the sex scene more than ANYTHING ELSE in the story. Also, Simone de Beauvoir's postmodern philosophy dismisses the concept of essence and projects that everything is a byproduct of society, rejecting the ideas of naturalism and biology. Read the works of Haruki Murakami's 1Q84 as it is filled with graphic sex and existential remarks on human nature and moral relativism in a dystopian society.
Not everyone is a byproduct of society as most aspects of humanity are determined by nature as human beings are driven by the Will to Power, by ambition and strife, which is from Nietzsche. We don't choose to be born, we do what we can to survive, and then we just die. Read Sartre.
You do know that there are some women who actually care about their boobs and curse, right?
Also, I've actually read Lolita and the girl in the story was 14 not 16.
lol you really think that makes a different, don't you. also keep in mind dolores is pregnant by 17 and dies not long after. pregnancy being the key word here.
oh no, I'm a feminist, sound the alarm!
*the feminist alarm sounds*
I'm not "obsessed with sex", I'm repulsed by the grotesque topics of rape and child pornography. If you would actually talk with women, you would find out that the consensual age isn't necessarily sixteen, or even eighteen, depending on the place. I also like that your argument is "oh but she's not pre-pubescent," which is something I've heard from at least a couple pedophiles. Not to say you are one, but you really need to stop copying their logic. And yeah, I bet Haruki Murakami is still a much better writer than you.
Lol no, Nietzsche was a sexist moron who failed to account for the subconscious biases and motives that drive everyone. We are all products of our society; ambition and strife are merely social elements and functions. Their goals are, respectively, to achieve social success or outlast social enemies. You are not an ubermensch, stop pretending to be one, it does not automatically place you above the rest of humanity.
Aaaaand lol I bet you've never written a woman in your life who hasn't talked about her boobs and curves.
Also apparently feminism is when you argue that 16-year-olds can't properly consent to sex with much older men? Good to know.
yes and so were some of the female characters in Song of Ice and Fire and A Storm of Swords. Look how that turned out, especially in the Red Wedding.
I'm really not sure what you're referencing here.
Also please stop name-dropping the French existentialists, I'm not going to sit there and nod my head. Nonconsensual sex is a violation of individual freedom, which is an affront to authenticity and the personal freedom at the heart of existentialism. And you cannot define consent for women, as you've clearly demonstrated in your writing, or make pedantic arguments about age and consent, without demonstrating that you have been writing nonconsensual sex. Because lol, when you decide what consent is, you're not practicing consent.
In The Ethics of Ambiguity, Simone de Beauvoir argues that in the absence of god or any guiding figure, we are left to deal with the cards we have. Apparently you decided to use those cards to write child pornography. Go figure.
You know that's not what I meant about feminism and you're purposely taking everything out of context just to spite me. listen. I would actually walk from this and just find some common ground and would take your advise but you keep taking everything I say out of context just to stir up trouble and you constantly call me a creep despite the fact that I'm from North Carolina and that's the age of consent in my state.
A Game of Thrones (also called A Song of Ice and Fire) and A Storm of Swords was from the Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) series, which takes place in a darker fantasy world based on Medieval Europe filled with bigotry, illiteracy, death, war, rape, and everything you would expect from the Middle Ages.
I don't really see how that's relevant to your argument, since I don't think GoT glorifies assault and tries to smooth over rape by saying "well, she wanted it, so whatever."
If I'm taking things out of context, maybe you just suck at context. I can't understand the giant tangle of ideas and thoughts and profound revelations on underaged sex that you have. If you want to make me understand, just write it out. That's what writing is for. Pull your head out of your butt and stop pretending I'm a troll because it makes you more comfortable about your writing. Am I taking shots at you? Yes. Do I still have arguments? Yes. If I'm a troll, so are you.
And lol, speaking from experience, North Carolina really needs to work on that age of consent thing.
here you are accusing me of pedophilia when you don't even know me. if you did, you would know that I detest pedophiles, seeing them as one of the stains of humanity. pedophilia refers to the sexual attraction of kids below the age of 13 and the idea of men, or women, going after little kids is horrifying and people like that should be beaten with a led pipe. You telling em to stop name-dropping French Existentialists when here you are referencing Simone de Beauvoir and her rejection of essence and biology on gender.
But I'm going to bed, so I can't be around to listen to your rehashed argument number one million. I look forward to waking up in the morning and hear that you're calling yourself the winner because I'm a troll postmodernist existentialist feminist or whatever.
That's because, in Game of Thrones, there were girls who were pregnant at 16 to 17 since that was common in the Middle Ages.
Okay. this is seriously going no where and I can tell this has nothing to do with the story but has become more of a dick measuring contest to see who is right or wrong. I would have gladly taken your advise but keep bashing me and accusing me of pedophilia and fetishizing teenage girls.
Then stop sexualizing people who aren't old enough to practice measured, appropriate consent, and I'll stop hitting you with my lead pipe. Consent is a tricky topic, and pretending that there are clear lines at 13 an 16 fails to comprehend abuse of power and manipulation. And I've been in that situation, so I think I know a lot more than you ever will.
Haha the end of the last chapter and the start of the next one.
You basically assured nobody but a certain kind of reader (one you probably don't want) is going to want to keep reading.
A more concrete review coming tonight or tomorrow.
Kman ^_^
The way you have closed this scene is kinda confusing. The rapid change of emotions didn’t feel natural to me, going from anguish to joy so quickly? Perhaps this is another characteristic of Hinn people.
I think the reason this was so jarring is mostly because the first parts about her heart being crushed etc seem melodramatic, where as if you instead focused on her introspection, such as her feelings of abandonment, you could then transition into how the baby alleviates these feelings, which would feel more cohesive. Introspection is always more powerful than physical reactions, because the latter do little to enhance characterisation and normally feel impersonal to the reader. Many people would feel their heart twinging in this situation, but only Anya would understand the pain of living in isolation and being abandoned by a man she had just spent the night with. Her perspective is unique so you should utilise it more here.
I really don’t think someone would think this right after their relative is murdered in front of them. She would surely be more concerned with her own safety?
***
Overall comments:
I didn’t quite enjoy this one as much as the previous chapter.
It feels almost as if chapter 2 has undone everything I read in chapter 1? You know when you read a story and it turns out everything was a dream, and you feel unfulfilled, as if the story didn’t mean anything all along. Well, this has the same effect. I now feel like we could discard chapter 1 and nothing would really change, except for Silas losing his virginity.
Another concern is the use of a flashback, I’m not sure what purpose this particular childhood memory serves to the current story? It didn’t go on long enough for us to learn anything new about Silas, so I guess I just didn’t see the point of it. Unless the toy horse has significant meaning, but it doesn’t feel like that’s the case, more that it was just used to transition from present day to the flashback.
The dark creature was so creepy, especially the description of it, gotta give you props for that. When it didn’t chase Anya up the stairs, I felt really nervous waiting for something to happen, and then out of nowhere it tears through the floorboards and pulls her through, so scary haha. I did get a bit confused when the creature decapitated Elmund, though, so you should rework that part and make it clearer.
Even though I’m not happy that you’ve undone chapter 1, I really enjoy this feeling that anything can happen. Just when I settle into the scene you find a way to turn things on its head, which is really exciting. It’s good that you’re willing to mix things up at the drop of the hat, so long as it feels right for the story and has meaning behind it. If you keep this up then I’m worried it will start to feel like these events are happening at random with no real purpose.
Also another thing that I think it missing in this chapter is character development for Silas. He just lost his virginity and thinks he’s leaving behind a pregnant teenager. Is that not playing on this mind? I really wanted to read more about his inner conflict, how he feels guilt for leaving Anya but at the same time is willing to sacrifice her for his mission.
Well, I wonder what happens in the town. I feel like nowhere he goes will be safe, and Silas will leave a trail of bodies throughout his entire journey.
-Zoom
how did I undo chapter 1?
Sorry if I was unclear about that.
I was referring to how chapter 1 sets up Anya and Elmund's backstory and their individual storyline, how they live purposely isolated due to the sentimental value of their house and their determination not to leave it, and how they're therefore struggling to continue on their family line and so bargain with Silas for his "services". But then immediately afterwards both characters are killed, and so most of what happened didn't amount to anything meaningful in the story. I feel like I've grown attached to these characters and invested myself in them, just for them to die, that's why it seems unfulfilling.
okay, now I got it. that was kind of the whole point. kind of deconstructs the "happily ever after" feeling like you get when George R. R. Martin kills off your favorite characters in a story.
Also, I looked back and should have added more about if he feels guilty or shameful about leaving Anya. he does but feels that he was nothing but a stud to them and them continuing their family's bloodline and doubted that they wanted him in the child's life, even with a monster hunting him down. he did not have intentions to sacrifice them, mostly because he thought the creature would ignore them. that will come up in future chapters.
as for the flashback, it was the give some insight on Silas's life and why the horse is symbolic. I fixed it up a little to give better insight and there's also a burnt photograph of his parents to explore his cynicism and semi-lone wolf nature.