Published December 4, 2008
The lonely child hides tonight,
in blankets and tears,
The forgotten child leaves tonight,
running from troubles and fears,
The beaten child cries tonight,
scared and sore with pain
The bullied child sleeps tonight,
safe in her own domain,
[this is as far as I got, so its still not finished.]
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141,617 Literary Works • 675,171 Reviews
Hey kloka! Since this piece is unfinished, it's a little hard to review. But here I go.
I like the concept that you have here, and I think you could do a lot with it when you finish the poem. You have a great start! The only thing I did not like is how quickly you skip from child to child-I want to know more about each one, like their emotions. Do they blame themselves, or are they angry? Why have these things happened? What happens next?
Again-I like the concept. Please finish it.