Published May 28, 2011
How do you know how he feels?
How do you know it’s real?
How do you know it’s going to work?
How do you know when to be scared or happy, feel protected or alone?
How do you know?
How do I know?
I know from love he shows me to caring about the littlest things,
I know from seeing the expression on his face when he says I love you, to when we first broke up.
I know from when we’re hugging to feel protected, to when he says I love you more than anything in the whole world, to be happy and to feel scared because I don’t want to hurt him again
I know everything up until the last question …….
How do I know it’s going to work?
That’s the thing……. I don’t!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,433 Literary Works • 674,412 Reviews
I liked the question and answer concept that you have here! It is unique and interesting. I think you started off your poem very nice. The flow was nice, and your questions were short and precise. I do think that this line was too long and broke up the nice flow you had going on:
It seemed like you tried to squish too many words into one line. I think you should try to rephrase this question so that it is roughly the same length as the rest, or maybe even just get rid of it. The other questions on their own seem like they would be fine to me.I also think you should add this in:
I think it flows nicer.
Now the rest of the poem was a disappointment to me. It was like you just completely forgot about your rhythm.
These lines here are way too long. The flow is interupted and it takes away from what you were trying to say. I really like the ideas you have here, you just have to word them differently. Dont' worry if you have to break one sentence down into three of four lines. As long as it flows nicely, the reader will be fine (;
Anyways, I think you had a really great idea and start! This does need a little work, but with some revising I think this could really be lovely
Awww, this is sweet. I like how you captured the confidence of a girl in love, and how sure she is that everything will work out. Because it's true, we really don't know, we can just kind of hope. So good job! Keep writing.
Sparkles,
Sierra
Well, I have a couple suggestions to make. You could set it up differently, making it easier to keep track of the questions and answers. What I mean by this:
Even so, though, this seems like the bare bones of a poem. Try to show, not tell, because you're telling us everything and showing us nothing. I'm thinking one stanza for each question. And also, change the order of the questions so that the last question is the question you said it was. I would also suggest taking away the "How do you know?" and the "How do you know it's real?" because the latter is essentially the same thing as "How do you know how he feels?"
Anyway, I hope I helped!
>>Annie<<
Nice poem.
The whole thing is pretty great, I can feel the emotion in it but it's (sadly) not that strong. Also, the flow is off - a lot. You need to shorten a lot of your sentences, especially in the last stanza. Also I think you should look through it for any grammatical errors, ok?
Other than all that you're good.
Keep writing,
Alzora
Hello there. :3
Well, you have a lot of questions, there. Your poem started off with a good rhyme and flow and I expected it be one of those good flowy and rhymy poems but unfortunately in a few lines, everything went wrong and the flow did not recover.
Nitpicks:
So many questions! >.< Well, the flow was good until the first two lines but it went off and never came back again in this stanza. You should add “if” in the second line, like: “How do you know if it’s real?” This would sound a bit netter. The second last line was the one to break the flow and ruin it all. It is too long to keep up the flow of the poem. You should have broken it into multiple lines to make the stanza into flow. It just does not do justice to the flow which you wanted in you poem.
OK! I thought that you would come back with a good flow in this stanza but you didn’t. There is no flow or rhythm to this stanza at all. And the lines so so long! They need to be shortened. I am not saying that you should change the wordings of the line and stuff. What I am saying is that, you should break the lines in to different lines. Like the fourth line. It is huge. Why would keep such a enormous line in a poem? Break it! Neither does it look good nor does it sound good. Reading a line so big, the reader will forget everything about the previous line. Why do you use ellipsis? Any particular reason to it? If not then remove it. It annoys while reading.
I hope my review helps. If you have any queries just let me know.
Keep writing.
An interesting way to make a poem, a question and answer type thingy, it was new, and kind of cool. But the subject matter wasnt all that captivating and my the middle of the second stanza I didnt really want to finish, it could have been a whole lot better worded in that stanza, but overall a valiant effort, not entirely bad, but not quite a masterpiece. I enjoy this type of poetry you seem to have initiated, Keep Writing!
Oh this was fun. It was, regardless of the last two lines, a very confident poem. I actually feel the exact same way right now. In real life. It's a poem easily related to. You are so good at this!!! A few grammatical critiques, though:
This didn't make a ton of sense. I understand what you meant, but I think you could definitely word it better.
??? You broke? I think you mean spoke.
Hmmm. Perhaps "I know to feel protected when we hug, and I am happy when he says "I love you more than anything in the whole world", and I am scared because I am afraid of hurting him again."
Everything else was wasabi sauce....awesome. Great job!