A letter to S (to those who are afraid to fight their fears)

So I decided not to hesitate with posting all of my works including first drafts. So here it is, hope you guys enjoy it. I would love to hear your suggestions. Blah XD

Hello,

I’m sorry that it took me so long to answer.

Yeah, Mark is still acting crazy. He hasn’t attacked me since then, though. I told him everything we both knew that I had to. Everything. Don’t hesitate, S. You should do it too. I’m right there with ya.

Don’t be foolish, I couldn’t had done it if the faith (as far as I can see) hadn’t showed me how to do it successfully. Again.

Three days ago (when the letter arrives, it’ll probably be six days), I was in this coffee place I normally go to, and the waiter (that usually doesn’t show any emotion at all, except for being annoyed by the people) was looking all excited about something on the TV as he was manically trying to find the sports channel. It was about a guy who was just about to jump off a capsule which was 39 kilometers up in the space. Felix Baumgartner, have you heard of him? I got interested so I searched for information. Incredible guy.

So I got all excited and watched him preparing to jump. For about an hour and a half he was getting up there and when he finally arrived at that certain height - he did it. Without no trace of hesitation in his movements nor his voice. Without a simple praying to God. He just did it. But literally, just stepped outside in the abyss. Amazing, huh?

I could tell that the half of the world was shaking nervously to see if he was going to even survive the jump. Including me, but he didn’t even show the smallest bit of nervousness nor fear.

He landed successfully and I was feeling very proud, I guess. Even though my friends were looking at me kind of strange because I was so overwhelmed, it was expected from me (I’m always that one friend who gets so excited for those kind of stuff)  except for one thing. I was feeling angry. I was expecting fear. Anxiety. Reluctance. Even a small unplanned movement that would reveal that he was not calm at all. I was expecting something that would make me realize that he did what I wanted him to do – that he managed to defeat his fears.

The other day, Mark was waiting for me when I was coming home from school. I got scared and I didn’t know what to do. I remember clearly that the car was parked underneath a streetlamp and the light was very strong that it was hard to look at. I wasn’t able to see him at all. I couldn’t remember when was the last time I felt that weird, but I remembered Baumgartner being, from the point I saw him, not scared at all. That guy jumped off the edge of the space, dammit. He could’ve died. That’s what occupied my mind when I was looking at his black Audi. I was feeling so sick.

As simple as he stepped outside of that capsule, I stepped outside of mine. The world wasn’t looking at me but I knew that Mark was, so I was forced to fake the calmness. And I did it – I opened that fucking shiny brand new black door.

He was angry at me. He yelled for almost fifteen minutes. And I was feeling so damn proud, S.

I know how you feel. But imagine what you will be able to do once you get rid of that fear. Once you find the courage to jump off that freaking capsule of yours that is keeping you chained. You will fly and then land, and then you will be safe and no one could say you are not worth it. Dammit S, you will FLY. Do it. I’m right there with ya.

Write soon,

Martha