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Young Writers Society



The Heiur Blade (Part 6&7)

by kjr5horses


Chapter 6- Too Late

Ari plunged her blade deep into the beast, but as soon as she retrieved her blade the animal vanished into the air.

What is this?

She quickly looked around and saw Teyh laying on the ground, the dark beast had him pinned to the earth its venom pooled on top of Teyh. The creature plunged its fangs into Teyh.

NOOOOOOO!

Teyh felt the beasts fangs plunge into him. Everything around him started to blur, everything started to mix into a flood of colors. He tried to get up but the venom was too quick it had already paralyzed him. Everything around him went dark.

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Dustan forced his blade into the animal’s side but he did not get a chance to pull his weapon out of the animal before it vanished. His sword was left lying on the ground. He quickly picked it up and turned to where Ari was. Teyh was pinned to the ground with the beast on top of him, its fangs deep into him.

Dustan ran over to Teyh. The beast refused to let him go. When Ari and Dustan approached it released more venom into Teyh.

“What do we do?” Ari yelled, the beast growled releasing a flood of venom into Teyh.

If we wait he is dead, if we do something he dead!

Dustan ran towards the beast, and grasped the black creature around its neck, ripping it from Teyh. It growled and let out a terrible screech, Dustan pulled the animal onto its back, and he retrieved the emerald dagger from around his waist and plunged it into the beast. It vanished almost immediately.

Without thinking he ran up to Teyh and picked him up and tied him down onto his horse. His back and neck were bleeding badly and the red venom was still collected in the wounds.

Ari covered his wounds quickly and grabbed Gaeso’s reigns, they quickly rode off towards Iyun. But Dustan knew that they would never make it in time to save Teyh.

Chapter 7- Dead or Alive

Faizah walked toward the dungeons.

Where is she?

He did not trust his daughter, he had a feeling that she was up to something. Soroush had even reported her going into the dungeons at night with her pathetic servant. He reached the dark staircase welcoming the darkness.

Footsteps were coming towards him, and finally a light barely lit their surroundings. Gasparina and her servant Mosi were standing in front of him.

“Where have you been?”

Faizah looked down at Mosi; hate filled his cold gray eyes. He longed for the day that his daughter’s servant did something to offend him, but in the years that he had been a servant to his daughter nothing had ever given him reason to torture or even exterminate the worthless servant.

“Oh father you know better.” She smiled slightly, “I was just making sure that our guests were comfortable.” she forced herself to continue smiling.

She is lying I can feel it.

Faizah smiled, “You are becoming more like me every day. Perhaps it is time for you to join me in one of the chambers next time” He chuckled.

Gasparina struggled to conceal her true emotions from her father.

She is trying to hide her emotions, but she can hide nothing from me.

Faizah finally walked passed them and was consumed by the darkness of the staircase.

Gasparina waited until she could no longer see her father’s slick figure, before she motioned for Mosi to appear from the shadows, he was still hiding the young boy under his cloak.

“Ready Mosi?” she asked looking at the starving boy.

Mosi nodded and hid the child under his long flowing cloak, as they made their way to the hidden tunnels.

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They galloped through the streets of Iyun, Ari propped Teyh up on last time before they stopped. Dustan dismounted, handing the reigns to Ari.

“Stay here I will right back!” He yelled as he ran into a small cottage, that was squeezed between two a tavern and a food supplier.

It seemed like hours before Dustan returned. He ran up and pulled Teyh off of Gaeso and onto his back running back into the house. Ari swiftly dismounted and tied the horses to a nearby post, running in after Dustan.

The room was dark and poorly lit Teyh was lying on a small table, Dustan stood in the far corner watching an old man closely as he worked on Teyh’s wounds. Ari walked over to Dustan, and watched the man work swiftly on Teyh. He took different instruments, plants and herbs among other things, and quickly used them all on his wounds. He filled vial after vial with the crimson venom. Until suddenly the man stopped.

“Why have you stopped?” Ari asked distressed.

The man did not answer; instead he bound Teyh’s wounds with a white cloth. Ari rushed over to Teyh, helping the old man roll him over, she felt for a pulse.

He’s alive!

“He is lucky he is still alive. Very few survive an attack like this.” The man said staring down at Teyh.

Ari was about to ask him what had attacked them when Dustan interrupted her.

“We better go and find a place to stay for the night.” Dustan picked up Teyh, and walked out of the cottage.

Ari thanked the man for his help and quickly followed Dustan.


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Points: 690
Reviews: 1

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Thu Feb 24, 2011 5:41 pm
Simpleton wrote a review...



Overall, I like it. There are a few things I see that could be changed though.

Throughout the story (mostly in the beginning) you use the word 'plunge' and 'plunged' too much, try using a bigger variety of words? And the same problem is with a few other words as well. There was description, and that's good, but I feel that you could definitely improve on the amount of it and the emotion you put into it.

These are just my personal opinions from what I read :) Happy writing!





The Twelve Makeovers of Haircules is the stuff of legend. He defeated the Erymanthian Beard. One could say it was a hair raising adventure.
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