Young Writers Society

Hello there!

Here as promised.

Yasmine was all he could think of, her soft black hair and pale blue eyes. Her laugh made anyone smile and warmed him up instantly even during the coldest winter. Her kind nature and gentle spirit calmed him every time he thought of her. Sargon walked down the streets of Caelum he fiddled with a small round object in his pocket. He was nervous, he could barely stand it! Three long years of waiting and planning and it all lead up to this moment. Sargon took a sharp right and knocked on the door to Yasmine’s home, but as soon as he touched the wooden door it swung open freely. Everything was turned over and a fresh blood trail led all around the small cottage.

Sargon ran franticly through the home searching for his beloved. He ran up the steps leading to her bed chambers opening the door his heart stopped and dropped down to his stomach. Sargon ran to Yasmine’s side cradling her lifeless body in his arms. Her soft blue dress was soaked in blood it was ripped in multiple places. He caressed her face lightly with his hand, kissing her forehead softly. He reached into his pocket and placed a simple silver band on her finger.

A man hung from a noose in the courtyard his eyes wide open, one of the guards took a ring off of the dead man’s hand.

“Sorry to ruin the party, but I just don’t look good dead#FF0000 ">.” Sargon said as the stallion galloped through the courtyard, jumping over carts and plowing through people.

Saso approached the tower where Tearlach waited for him.

he was one of Hajar’s general’s that had disobeyed his orders.

Read this like you were watching a MOVIE,

Hi! Sorry it took so long for me to stop by. School got in the way, and then I decided to wait 'til Review Day. xD

So this was very cool! It actually reminded me that I'm in the middle of reading a novel, which is about assassins. xD I should go finish it. It's really good. Anyway! I can tell you guys have a very cool idea by now and are having loads of fun writing it. There were a few things I wanted to point out. Forgive me if someone else already has.

The first paragraph, I think, can just go. It seemed rather useless and it had me zoned out by the second sentence. The dream/flashback/whatever is much more interesting to start with.

That aside, I noticed your description, of any at all, can get very heavy with detail. This can be very dangerous in the first chapter (or first part of the first chapter -- same thing!) since the reader wants to get to know at least one character by the end. If there isn't someone they can relate to or understand by the end like here, they're going to get bored and lose interest real fast. I know you said it's going to be complicated, but we don't want to get that mixed up with confusing. By the end we knew maybe 10 different characters, but we only met each of them so briefly. The reader gets lost as to who's who, and they're not going to want to continue reading if that's the first impression they get from the novel. We don't want to make the novel that kind of guessing game. It just takes the joy out of reading a story!

So knowing that, I'd choose just one or two characters to start with. Then slowly introduce new ones. The reader will better keep up with what's going on. They can remember so-and-so as the guy who gave the MC an apple after escaping his hanging. The best stories are the ones with characters to relate with right away. When the story contains a whole team of main characters, like what I'm guessing is going on here, you have to introduce them one-by-one on their own time. Don't just throw mini scenes of each one. We'll get confused as to what kind of fighter they are (or what color eyes they have?).

I never really addressed what I meant by detail heavy. xD This refers to describing characters' appearances in a few sentences rather than just getting right into the action. Especially in the first chapter (first paragraphs even), the reader's going to forget 'cause they don't know who this person is anyway. Just saying they have a pale face is boring. I have a pale face. whoopie? But if you describe it by saying her lack of activity in the sun is shown by the whiteness of her skin or something like that, it gives much more to relate to.

When you say to read this like a script, that immediately set off alerts for me. Should this be written as a script then? Do we want a movie script out of this rather than a novel? 'Cause you're right! I think this would be a reeeally cool movie. Writing it as a novel will be a very different style you'll want to adapt to though. Unless this can be less confusing with all the jumping around, perhaps consider writing it as a script. Also remember that color-coding the thoughts would probably be extra money when publishing. Not sure the publisher would be happy with color print. xD

Besides that and the grammar errors that can easily be edited with another read through, I think your idea is really neat. I hope you figure things out and clean up this chapter. For me, the first chapter is so hard and annoying to write. xD So hopefully you'll think of something.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

First off, let me say thank you for the wonderful reviews that you have left on my stories. They are much appreciated. I absolutely love this story. It's wonderfully written. I love how you can take 5-10 lines and evoke a strong sense of familiarity with the characters. Ah, the characters. That would be my only suggestion. Maybe introduce us to them throughout the story. You don't always have to introduce every character the first time around. Let some of them pop in and out. If I had a quiz over who was what I would fail. The fact that it jumps around isn't the problem, that part I like. It's just that when it does jump, it's never the same person (usually), and it leaves the reader with the same feeling they might get if they skipped the first half of the Quantum Physics lecture and tried to make sense of what was going on.

Other than that, I love the imagery and ideas that you put forth in this story. I know that you plan on keeping it up, and that's a good thing. I like your writing style very much.

Clinical.

Yo yo yo, Stella here!

First things first... this is insanely long. Maybe not on a Word Document, but on YWS, this is insanely long. Which isn't a bad thing, but you might want to cut down future parts if you want people to read them all.

I. NITPICKS

Sargon gazed out of the small window in his cell. The floor was damp and cold, the sound of guards just outside filled the many halls of the prison. Sitting down he closed his eyes for just a moment but he quickly fell asleep.

It had two bands; the outer one was silver while the other a golden band encircled a peach colored stone that was just a little darker than Sargon’s eyes.

His eyes turned the same color as his ring.

Dalek waited patiently in the corner of the tavern

He walked down the many streets of Natyre;

sat the chocolate and gold ring.

“Just stay calm okay?” her eyes turned silver.

Hmmm....I wonder about people sometimes. Some people have pointed out that narrowing down the scope and only introducing characters as the plot requires it would be better. I agree but... how on earth would anyone but the writers know what the plot needed? Just asking...

Yes, the scope is broad, confusing, complicated, difficult to follow, intriguing, overwhelming and just plain out of the ordinary! What is wrong with being confused for a change? Many books start off stale uncomplicated and flat out boring! Keep in mind this is the FIRST chapter. There will be more to come, in fact there is already more on this site to read. Perhaps the plot and scope will cease to be confusing as the story goes on? Perhaps not? How would anyone but the writers know? Has anyone here ever read a good mystery novel, (rhetorical question)? They usually start out very confusing...at least the ones I read, and think are good, start out confusing.

Be thoughtful, and think outside the box. I read some interesting connections between the multiple characters; names that appeared twice or more, people that thought about or mentioned other people. There seems to be allot of things going on in this story. Read it twice...you will catch more of what is going on. (Now who wants a book that is only good for reading through once? Give me a book that is fun to read over and over again any day!)

A summery of what I think; New, exciting, different, complicated, confusing (I like this), in-depth, well thought out, out of the box, random (again I like this), intriguing, dark, better than Vampires (sorry just way to much blood sucking going around these days), powerful, and thought provoking (I have to think while I read! I have to remember! Hurray! I get to use my mind!)

The above is just my opinion. Everyone is entitled to have one.

Keep Writing!

~FW~

Paul here!

My view is pretty much the same as everyone else's. I would introduce maybe three or four characters in this first chapter, but more than that and it becomes a little confusing. Each character should be introduced doing something unique to their personality, and having SO MANY characters bogs it down and makes it difficult to remember which one is which.

It feels like you're on the verge of writing an epic here, which is great and I applaud your scope. Take other epics, like The Stand, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and they all introduce characters as the plot requires it, not all at once. Focus on one character, then two, then three, and build on that until you have your full cast ready to go. Keep the cast small at first, then expand it as the story expands. Here, there are so many characters thrown at us and we have so little time to get to know them that it's hard to keep them straight in my head, much less care about them. Sargon's snippet was by far the best, and I felt that even he deserved a bigger introduction than he got.

(As a funny little aside, I would definitely recommend changing the name of the Dalek character. I don't know if you watch Doctor Who but..http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dalek Yeah )

There is an incredibly good story here, but it's so hard to follow as it is that it's almost impossible to fully enjoy. The concept of the rings intrigue me, and I'd definitely like to know more about Sargon. All the makings of a good fantasy are here: you're writing is commendable, your world intriguing, and your title difficult to pronounce. Everything is in place, you just need to be more narrow with this first chapter.

Anyway, that's all I got. Keep writing! I'm off to Part 2! (eventually )

I am writing it with my best friend, we each have characters, yes chapter 1-3 are a little chaotic But this is necessary for you to get a general idea of each character, they come together in ep 3 and they all need eachother, once I get around to posting more of it this will become clear, we can't introduce them gradually since it would take more than 6 books to fill.

I read some of it, kjr5horses. In one of your replies to this, you mentioned having written 55 pages in 4 weeks- WOW! How the heck did you do that?! At most, 4 weeks could only ever get me about twenty pages.

Anyway, I thought it was great... but then I noticed a serious calamity: there were way too many viewpoints. This, my friend, is why you have so many pages. Narrow your story down! Try to introduce the other characters as tangents from the main plot, instead of frivolously handing out story-lines. If you don't narrow Vrasses down, it'll be too broad.

As it is now, I simply can't enjoy it. To be honest, I'd rather just sit down with a good 'ol sci-fi/fantasy that only has a few characters. Make one person as the viewpoint, and every other character as essential asides.

Why am I saying this? To hurt your feelings? No. I'm saying this because I've fallen into this trap before. Don't overload your novel, or you'll end up with a 400-page clunky manuscript with nowhere to go but backwards. Instead, hone in on one guy, and make him profound and entertaining and fully-descripted.

That way, people can get attached to him, instead of barraged by bazillions of other characters. It'll be hard, but it'll make the novel better!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Words will fail you."

Okay main conflict? Which one? My friend and I are writing this....its...so complex, you won't know the meaning of the word after this is finished! lol...

Expenses? That does not mater, the colors are the colors of their rings, it makes it easier to read once they all...come together...

To be honest we don't even know what is going to happen next! If we make an idea...the characters decide to make their own plans! To be honest this story is writing itself...

Hi! I edited your post so that it was in "story" mode instead of "normal" mode. That way, now you have paragraphs! So, hopefully you'll get more reviews other than, "put this in paragraphs!"

Okay! So... wow. I think this may be partly because of sleep deprivation and such, but I was soooooo confused throughout. It felt like you just dumped a lot of names, and a bunch of random scenes, so it kind reminded me of one of those music videos that flips scenes every couple of seconds. I think you can limit the amount of perspectives you are showing and yet still have have a really powerful story. Kind of like you don't HAVE To put chips and chocolate and mayonnaise on a burger. You can, of course, but a little can go a long way.

In any case, the most important thing that I can see is that somebody wants to kill... somebody else. And the guy is willing to hire someone else. And then there are random rings that indicate a secret society? That might be a good thing to mention! But that's the main conflict. So don't be afraid to emphasize this main conflict! It's always better to start simple and then get complex. Kind of like in the Iliad... Homer doesn't start off with tons of different viewpoints. He starts with Achilles' rage, explained, and then, after you get a sense of what's at stake (the Trojan war, the different sides, etc.,) he starts going from viewpoint to viewpoint, so everything makes sense!

Basically? Let us understand the main conflict and THEN start introducing all the characters.

Also... I have to mention this because my eyes kind of tweaked out... all the colors were awful and distracting and sometimes unreadable. I don't know why you did this... but... if you ever want to get this published, they will make you put it in black and white (since colored text is four times more expensive to print). So, see if you can convey your message without having to rely on this colored text! It's really hard to read right now.

Anyway, just a couple of thoughts! Hope that helps.

Yes it is spaced out on the Word Document, it would not let me on YWS it said that it was too long when I did that.

Thank you! My friend and I have been working on it for 4 weeks we have over 55 pages and are currently working on Episode 6! Will post more!

Sargon gazed out of the small window in his cell. The floor was damp and cold, the sound of guards just outside filled the many halls of the prison. Sitting down#FF0000 ">, he closed his eyes for just a moment but he quickly fell asleep.

Yasmine was all he could think of, her soft black hair and pale blue eyes. Her laugh made anyone smile and warmed him up instantly even during the coldest winter. Her kind nature and gentle spirit calmed him every time he thought of her. Sargon walked down the streets of Caelum he fiddled with a small round object in his pocket. He was nervous, he could barely stand it! Three long years of waiting and planning and it all lead up to this moment. Sargon took a sharp right and knocked on the door to Yasmine’s home, but as soon as he touched the wooden door it swung open freely. Everything was turned over and a fresh blood trail led all around the small cottage.

Sargon ran franticly through the home searching for his beloved. He ran up the steps leading to her bed chambers opening the door his heart stopped and dropped down to his stomach. Sargon ran to Yasmine’s side cradling her lifeless body in his arms. Her soft blue dress was soaked in blood it was ripped in multiple places. He caressed her face lightly with his hand, kissing her forehead softly. He reached into his pocket and placed a simple silver band on her finger.
“Get up!” Sargon was yanked out of his sleep and up to his feet in seconds; the guards tied his hands together. One of the guards, a larger man stared at Sargon’s ring. It had two bands; the outer one was silver while the other a golden band encircled a peach colored stone that was just a little darker than Sargon’s eyes.

“That will be mine by the end of the day.” The muscular guard chuckled.

“What do you mean, by the end of the day? I still have a trial!”

The guards laughed, and pushed Sargon forward leading him down the tunnel. Sargon sighed, and focused. His eyes turned the same color as his ring.

A man hung from a noose in the courtyard his eyes wide open, one of the guards took a ring off of the dead man’s hand.
Sargon’s eyes returned to normal, and he looked around for any means of escape. But they were already standing by the noose. The crowd watched as the guard grabbed the noose, “Any last words thief?” the soldier asked smiling.
Sargon whistled loudly, the sound of hooves filled the courtyard as a large golden warhorse came up beside him. The guard did not have time to react; Sargon kicked him in the chest sending him to his knees, and leaped onto the stallion. Grabbing a dagger from a saddle bag he cut himself free.

“Sorry to ruin the party, but I just don’t look good dead.” Sargon said as the stallion galloped through the courtyard, jumping over carts and plowing through people. The guards were too far behind to catch him. Sargon laughed as he galloped into the forest.
~~~
“Do you mind I am flying here! Pigeons…” Saso was flying back to Natyre. So far he had run into three swallows and two pigeons.

Someday I will get the hang of this! Those birds always have to fly right in the way!

He remembered back to the day he had first received his ring.

Saso took the ring his father held out to him. Excited he ignored his father’s words of caution and slid the ring on his finger. Immediately he found himself air-born. He flew over the city unable to control where he was going. While trying to land he flew over the city walls and crashed to the ground.

“GET OFF!”

To Saso’s horror he found that he had crash landed right on top of lord Tearlach.

Shoving Saso off, Tearlach drew a curved dagger and held it to Saso’s throat. “What do you think you are doing?”
“I…I…flying, sir, I was just flying!”

He still remembered the look on Tearlach’s face. It was equal parts interest, and glee. Tearlach had let him live and offered him a job. At first it had been just carrying messages but that did not last long. After one mission went badly wrong Saso was forced to kill in self-defense, from that day on he became an assassin. He would have refused but Tearlach, expecting him to be less then agreeable, had Saso’s father brought to the castle.

Saso approached the tower where Tearlach waited for him.
~~~
Dalek waited patiently in the corner of the tavern he fiddled with his teal and gold ring, looking up he saw his target; he was one of Hajar’s general’s that had disobeyed his orders. The man walked into the spare room. Staggering from too much wine he almost fell over as he closed the door. Dalek waited a few more moments, seeing the owner of the tavern go to tend to a customer; he slipped into the extra room.

He slowly opened the door; the general was sitting on the bed his sword drawn.

“I had a feeling Hajar would send someone after me.” The man smiled, “I just did not think that he would send a boy to do a man’s job.”

Dalek glared at the man his eyes turning teal, the man’s eyes widened in fear. Ten Daleks stood in front of him; all of them had a small half smile.

All ten of them walked toward the terrified general. The man did not even get the chance to scream…
~~~
Daiki stood in the shadows waiting, anytime now the man he waited for would pass by. He reached into his pocket and slipped the ring on. Feeling its power he summoned the waiting black-green viper from his cloak. She hissed softly as she curled around his wrist. He heard footfalls and stepped casually from the shadows.

The man stopped in his tracks. His eyes widened in fear. “No…please! Not you! Why did he have to send you?”
“I will make it quick I promise.” The snake flew from Daiki’s hand as he tossed it toward the man. The snake hit its mark biting the man in the neck. Within seconds the man fell dead.
~~~
He walked down the many streets of Natyre; Addank pulled his hood over his face, thankful for the cover. He slid his hand inside his right pocket, the ring rubbed against his fingers. Addank slipped inside one of the numerous houses and slowly made his way into the bedroom. A man lay sleeping next to his wife; Addank covered the man’s mouth and pulled him out of the house into the night air, he did not want his wife to watch her husband’s death.

The man looked up at Addank, “So this is how it ends, Karawan sends his great Addank to dispose of his retired captain?” He sighed and stared into Addank’s eyes, “Make it quick.”

Addank slipped his ring on and instantly his eyes turned yellow, they seemed to glow through the darkness that surrounded them. Addank entered the man’s mind, planting the one simple thought into the old captain’s head.
The captain fell to the ground; Addank slipped quietly into the back ally and made his way back to the inn.
~~~
Seiyr looked at Satish and smiled. “I have someone who is annoying me.”

“Not for long.” Seiyr looked pleased, Satish continued, “Who and where?”

Satish, after hearing Seiyr’s orders bowed once and then shifted into a suitable appearance for the job at hand.
~~~
Tala raced through the forest and in a matter of seconds he was in Natyre, Tearlach’s city. He stopped and grabbed an apple from a nearby closed fruit cart. Finishing his apple he sped off to the sheriff’s home, the sheriff woke with a start he jumped out of bed throwing his dagger at Tala.

Tala ran to the other side of the room and stood behind the sheriff and laughed. “Well that was pointless!”

The sheriff tried to fight back but Tala was too quick. Every time he passed by he cut deeper and deeper into the sheriff. In a matter of minutes he lay dead on the floor. Tala had cut off his head and was running into the forest to bury it, so that the sheriff could not come back…
~~~
Zilar walked through the ruins of Tremolor. Sankar’s pathetic excuse for a general was supposed to meet him here, yesterday. Being alone with his memories haunted Zilar. The screams of the, now dead, innocent people of his home town made him depressed.

The ring was so inviting. It was sitting in plain sight on his father’s work table. Zilar grabbed it and then quietly slipped from the house. He made his way out of the town to the edge of the river. He turned the intricate, multiple triangle sapphire, and silver ring in his hand. Holding the ring up he slid it onto his finger.

The ground shook so hard! The water in the river turned into waves, and the stones began rolling this way and that. Terrified Zilar pulled the ring from his finger but it was too late. As the ground stopped shaking Zilar heard the sound of people screaming. Every house and building in the town had fallen killing many including all of Zilar’s family.
The sound of hooves on rock brought Zilar back to the present.

It is about time!

Zilar stepped out onto what was left of a main street. On the road ahead of him were eleven horsemen. In the lead was Sankar’s general.

“You are late, very late.”

“I am a general! I do not follow your orders or your time frame.” The general snapped back.

Zilar eyes turned a very dark blue. “You failed.”

The general laughed. “So let me guess Sankar sent you to kill me. I have ten men with me you do not stand a chance.”

Zilar smiled and the horses began spooking at seemingly nothing. The general’s horse reared throwing his rider who began shaking violently.
The general’s men sat on their horses looking terrified as their leader died screaming.

“The rest of you can either report back to where you are supposed to be or you can join him.”

The men rapidly turned their horses and left.
~~~
Zyia crept quietly across Myrddin’s chambers, her heart pounded against her chest. So many times she had obeyed his orders, so many times she had looked up to him, but now she was going to kill him. It seemed like yesterday that her twin sister Zyla had been murdered, and now that she had found out that Myrddin had sent orders to have her sister killed…

She opened the flask at her side, her eyes turned a bright blue and the water flowed out of the bottle silently moving toward Myrddin. Zyia moved her hand slightly lower the water obeyed her every command. Just before it covered Myrddin’s nose and mouth, he quickly grabbed a serpent like blade from under his pillow and threw it at Zyia. She fell to the ground, her eyes returning to normal, the water splashed onto Myrddin’s bed. The blade had gone straight through her shoulder, blood oozed out.

Zyia leapt up quickly and jumped out of the window to her right, landing in a cart full of hay, ignoring the pain in her shoulder. Ten guards chased her through the streets, looking ahead she saw one of the cities many wells. She stopped and turned around to face the guards, smiling her eyes turned bright blue. One of the guards attacked but was too late, a massive wave of water crashed down on all of them. Zyia waited until they were no longer moving and pulled the water back into the well.
~~~
Achar stood by the city gate. He was looking for someone, the murder of his father. The only way to identify Satish would be by the chocolate and gold ring that the man wore.

Achar looked at everyone that passed through the gate. An older gentleman caught his attention. Something in the way the man moved was wrong. Achar stepped out in front of him. The man’s eyes were a brown color.

This could be him.

“Do you mind young man! It is quite rude to jump out at people.”

Achar reached forward and grabbed the man’s shirt collar; with his other hand he grabbed the man’s wrist. On his middle finger sat the chocolate and gold ring.

Achar’s eyes turned deep gold as he threw the man. Before the man hit the ground he shimmered briefly changing shape.

“What is wrong with you?” Satish growled coming to his feet.

City folk were staring strangely at the pair. Achar did not say a word, instead he strode toward Satish.
~~~
Sawyer silently followed Zyia; Myrddin had given him strict orders to dispose of her. He was glad for the cover of the forest, and his cloak. He watched as she attempted to pull the dagger from her shoulder, but she could not instead she let out a soft cry, and sat under one of the large ancient trees.

I can’t do this…she saved my life…

He remembered back years earlier when they had been sent to work with each other on a mission. He had been surrounded by twenty men and there was no way for him to escape, and he did not have time to reach for his ring. Zyia had drowned them all before they could harm him.

Sawyer stepped out into the open and walked over to Zyia, she opened her flask but there was no water left. He knelt down beside her and handed her his flask, and smiled reassuringly.

He grasped the hilt of the dagger, “This might hurt a bit.” Zyia looked away as he quickly pulled the crooked blade from her shoulder. She screamed briefly. Sawyer ripped a piece off of his black tunic and wrapped her wound up, stopping the bleeding.

“Thanks.” She said weakly as Sawyer helped her to her feet.

Dogs barked behind them, “We better leave before they get here.”
~~~
Ximon stat across the table waiting for a response from Sankar’s daughter.

“I had nothing to do with his escape.” Brei answered.

Ximon heard the lie in her voice and his eyes flickered crimson. “I wish you had not done that. He ordered me to kill you if you answered wrong.”

Brei grew pale. His own daughter! He is having me kill his own daughter!

Ximon was not comfortable with this. By his reasoning if Sankar would order his own kin killed then it was entirely too plausible that eventually Sankar would order his death as well. Sankar had had three generals in two months. No one stayed around long, and this worried Ximon.

Ximon looked down at the table making a choice that would he knew would change the course of his life forever. “Get out. Run and do not look back.”

The young woman did not hesitate; she stood and left the small tavern.
Ximon finished his drink, and then left as well. Standing in the night air he looked at Sankar’s fortress. Now what?
~~~
“It has been done, my lord.” Rience said smiling.

Hajar nodded in approval, “I have another assignment for you.” He smiled and walked towards her, his gray eyes seemed to reflect off hers.

“Tell me who and he will be no more.”

“His name is Dalek he has become useless to me.” Hajar looked down at her violet ring, he craved its power but it was not yet time. “Dalek is in a village just outside of the ruins of Tremolor.”

Rience nodded respectfully, her eyes turning violet she seemed to fade away; she walked out of the throne room and headed to the stables.
~~~
Asta stared at the ring in his hand. Its twisting gold edges rapped around the green gems. Sliding the ring on he took a deep breath, the trees around him shook softly letting their leaves fall.

Walking over to where a bay horse stood he mounted and kicked the horse into a canter. His thoughts beat in rhythm with the horses hooves.

I will go as far north as possible. Seiyr’s reach is only so far.

He had been an assassin for too long. He was done. He could not stand another scream, to haunt his dreams. Every time she sent him to kill someone he had cringed.

My life is not worth so many.

Seiyr had forced him into her service. Kill or be killed. He was sure that he was being followed. Seiyr was not going to let him go easy. He slowed his horse and called to the ground around him. A wall of impenetrable vines grew up blocking the path way.

That should slow them down.
~~~
Thwamp! Than opened his eyes, and saw an arrow protruding from his headboard. He leapt out of bed and grabbed his sword. Before he could do anything a bolt of bright white energy flew across the room hitting the would be assassin. Than turned around and saw Lavan standing on his balcony.

“I think a change of scenery would be good for your health. Have you considered a vacation?”

“Yes and I think now would be a good time to take one!” Than ran to the balcony. More energy shot from Lavan’s hands as he broke the balcony free from Karawan’s fortress.

“Hold on!”
~~~
Amaya watched as Saso landed on the top of Tearlach’s northern tower.

Saso walked toward her shaking his head. “Let me guess Tearlach is busy?”

“Always,” Her soft voice poured out. “I have some bad news.”

Saso got a bad feeling. “What?”

“Just stay calm okay?” her eyes turned silver.

Saso felt his mind calm but was not fooled by her ability. Stopping a few paces from her, he suddenly flew forward, taking hold of her hand he pulled her ring off. “I hate it when people mess with me. Now tell me what the news is.”

She glared at him. “You need to leave. Tearlach wants your head.”

“Come again? I completed his assignment just as he ordered.”

“He sent me to kill you, Saso. He is afraid you will turn on him.” She looked at him pleadingly. “You have been my friend for a long time, please go.”'

“He has my father Amaya. He knows I won’t cross him.” Saso said confidently.

Amaya dropped her eyes to the ground. “Your father hung himself this morning.”

Saso backed away from her. “No, no, no! This is your fault!” He said angrily.

“I had nothing to do with it!” Amaya said meeting his eyes. “Do you think I would have warned you if I had? He left this for you.” She reached in her pocket and pulled out small sheet of paper.

Saso took the note, his eyes turned fire orange. “Good bye Amaya.” He dropped her ring then flew.

“Good luck, my friend.” Amaya watched until he was out of sight. She stooped and picked up her ring. Sliding it onto her finger she walked back into the castle.
~~~
Merikh pushed his spotted mare forward; turning in his saddle he saw five of Myrddin’s men. He smiled and his eyes turned a deep shade of green. He pulled the mare to a halt and turned around, staring at the men. Five small needle like blades whizzed through the air hitting their marks.

Nice try Myrddin…I no longer serve you.

Merikh’s eyes returned to normal, as he galloped off into the forest. Free from Myrddin, free from following orders. He could finally leave this life and start over and live in peace.
~~~
The man screamed in agony, Tearlach wiped the blood from his hands on his tunic. It had been days since he had left this chamber. The man was proving difficult to break but it would not be long now.

“My lord?” a woman’s soft voice came from the door way.

Tearlach turned around, “Come in, come in, Amaya. What do you think?” He looked at the man chained to the cold stone table.

“I think it would be easier if you let me speak to him, my lord.” She answered glancing at the man.

Her eyes never showed her emotions making it difficult for Tearlach to gage what she was thinking. “Ah, but where would be the fun in that?” He turned around to organize the sharp sinister looking objects laid out on the shelf behind him. “Have you dealt with Saso?”

“Of course, my lord.”

His back was to her, so that he missed the telltale silver in her eyes.