All of these were inspired by a book I am writing, I was just inspired one night and this was the result of that :/
Spoiler! :
There is a time, In everyone’s life, Where they make a choice, That will define them, Change them, And mold them, And their future, For better or for worse,
But it is up to them, If they will let that one choice, That one decision, Rule their lives, And take control, And turn them into something, They’re not,
Or if they will step up, And take control, Of their lives, Put the past behind them, Look towards the future, And find hope, And hold onto it, For better or for worse…
And the next one,
Spoiler! :
Why did this happen? How could this be? What have I done to deserve this?
I know I’ve done wrong, I’ve tried to make amends, But I guess they weren’t enough, Or this would not be happening,
Why her? Why him? Why the ones that I care for most?
What have they done? What have I done? To deserve such a fate,
A prince and a princess, Both dead, It’s all my fault,
How could this happen? Why didn’t You stop me? From doing this, From killing my best friend, From siding with the Tyrant?
I thought You cared, For Your people, But I guess I was wrong,
For Your two best are now gone, And Your worst is still standing, And I am left alone…
Again I was inspired.....by my own story!
Spoiler! :
I’m broken in pieces, All shattered on the ground, All dusty and damaged, Barely alive,
I am what I am, I’ve said that time to time, But then You came in, And picked up the pieces,
Cleansed them, And mended them, And put them back,
I’m full for the first time, None can break me now, I am safe, I am free,
For the first time ever, I can fear nothing, Not death, Or pain,
Or Fear itself, For You will protect me, Nothing can shake me down,
I am new, Restored, Whole for once, Nothing could break him, Nothing could shatter, What was now free and restored
.....
Spoiler! :
Do you hear that? Do you see it? That small glimmer of hope?
It’s faint, You can hardly see it, But it’s there, You just have to search for it!
Few can find it, Here in our devastated world, Where people are broken, Full of the lost, That wish to be found,
Death seems to reign, Assassins run free, A tyrant rules, And a rebellion plots,
But what will happen, When a prince and his friend, Try to mend this shattered world?
To put back together, The weary and the broken, The lost, The damaged, And the hopeless?
To bring to light, The flicker of hope, To bring it out of the darkness,
To show it to everyone? To keep it safe, And not lose it?
Can you see it? Can you hear it? This is hope, And you can see it, If you only search for it.
Another I know....I write a lot when I am inspired!
Spoiler! :
Can You hear me? Are You there? If You can please hear me,
I need Your help, My friend has turned to darkness, He sees no way out,
He has no hope, No future, If You don’t help,
He doesn’t see, He blames You, And himself,
He is falling apart, Pieces of himself, Lay shattered on the ground,
Only You can save him, Please hear me, I won’t be here long,
He needs You now, More than ever before, To light up his world, And show him, That hope is not yet lost,
Can You hear me? Are You there? If You are, Please hear my prayer.
*sigh*
Spoiler! :
A Tyrant arises, He steals and destroys, No man can stop him, All hope is lost.
Until the Key, Comes at last, To destroy the destroyer, Once and for all,
But if he should fail, A fair warning to all, Death will rule,
No man, Woman or child, Will be safe from his grasp.
.....So anyways...those are the poems that I wrote in a night because of inspiration. I don't usually write poems...sothey are pretty rough.
Well, first off I think that it's good to be inspired by what you're writing, and that allthough they're only rough, I think they're pretty good knowing that you don't think you're much of a poet (don't doubt yourself )
I'm just going to review the first poem, if that's allright, but if you want me to review anymore, just post a comment on my wall. ^_^
I really liked this, it's a good topic (obviously to do with your novel) and not to cliche, it's about choices, big choices, and making the right one. However I think you could do a lot more with this, because at the moment it doesn't rhyme (which is perfectly fine ) but doesn't have much of a rythym, which kind of isn't, because if it wasn't layed out how it is, you wouldn't recognise it for a poem. Also, I want to second SeeMySoul27's comment about you telling and not showing.
Nitpicks:
kjr5horses wrote:There is a time, In everyone’s life#FF0000 ">. Where they make a choice, That will define them#FF0000 ">. Change them, And mold them#FF0000 ">.#FF0080 ">mold them? I get what you mean, but it brings up images of dough, or slime maybe 'shape them'? And their future, #FF0080 ">Starting with and... I'd suggest something like 'choosing the paths of their future' For better or for worse#FF0000 ">.
But it is up to them, If they will let that one choice, That one decision#FF0000 ">. Rule their lives, And take control#FF0000 ">. And#FF0080 ">By turn#FF0080 ">ing them#FF0080 ">, into something they’re not,
Or if they will step up, And take control of their lives#FF0000 ">. Put the past behind them, Look towards the future#FF0000 ">. Andfind hope, And hold onto it#FF0000 ">. For better or for worse…
there we go
Also, I'd just like to say, that this poem was not my favourite, so don't be discouraged by this one poem, I really loved the fourth one
Hey, soul here, on review day; Giving you a review, obviously. I noticed you said you didn't really write poetry, but I must say you're pretty good at it. Also you said yourself your poems were rough but it's not a bad thing in the least. Personally I found your poems to be more, what's the word, raw, I suppose would be a good word. You tend to lean toward 'telling' things rather than 'showing', which again, isn't bad, but doesn't give the reviewer any imagery. I think the term is prose writing. o.O Grammar wise, well through out most of your poems, you placed commas at the end of your lines, even at the end of some of your stanzas. Unless you mean for them to be read really fast and leave your reader breathless in the physical sense, I'd suggest you add in pauses. Spelling wise, well I'm horrible at picking those mistakes out. XD Overall, cheers to you and keep writing.
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Here to bamboozle you!
)
) but doesn't have much of a rythym, which kind of isn't, because if it wasn't layed out how it is, you wouldn't recognise it for a poem. Also, I want to second SeeMySoul27's comment about you telling and not showing.
Well, first off I think that it's good to be inspired by what you're writing, and that allthough they're only rough, I think they're pretty good knowing that you don't think you're much of a poet (don't doubt yourself
I'm just going to review the first poem, if that's allright, but if you want me to review anymore, just post a comment on my wall. ^_^
I really liked this, it's a good topic (obviously to do with your novel) and not to cliche, it's about choices, big choices, and making the right one. However I think you could do a lot more with this, because at the moment it doesn't rhyme (which is perfectly fine
Nitpicks:
there we go
Also, I'd just like to say, that this poem was not my favourite, so don't be discouraged by this one poem, I really loved the fourth one
Keep up the writing!
~Tinkem
Hey, soul here, on review day; Giving you a review, obviously.
I noticed you said you didn't really write poetry, but I must say you're pretty good at it.
Also you said yourself your poems were rough but it's not a bad thing in the least. Personally I found your poems to be more, what's the word, raw, I suppose would be a good word. You tend to lean toward 'telling' things rather than 'showing', which again, isn't bad, but doesn't give the reviewer any imagery. I think the term is prose writing. o.O
Grammar wise, well through out most of your poems, you placed commas at the end of your lines, even at the end of some of your stanzas. Unless you mean for them to be read really fast and leave your reader breathless in the physical sense, I'd suggest you add in pauses.
Spelling wise, well I'm horrible at picking those mistakes out. XD
Overall, cheers to you and keep writing.
*Sniff* I.... *Sniff*
~FW~