Chapter 3-Gustav
Later that evening Dustan and Ari made their way down the stairs and found themselves a table. The tavern was packed with people; it took them awhile to find a table.
A tall thin underage teen came up to their table and placed two large bottles on the table.
“Hello, I am Gustav these drinks are a courtesy from the gentleman at the bar.”
Dustan looked over his shoulder and saw a shady looking man with crooked teeth, who quickly glanced at them but just as quickly returned to his drink pulling his hood over his face.
“What is it?” Dustan asked, Gustav furrowed his brow in thought.
“You know I don’t know, he didn’t say.” Gustav answered with a smile; he was missing a few teeth.
“So let me try and understand, these drinks are not from the bar and you thought it safe to bring us drinks that a strange man who’s face is covered by a hood?” Dustan was furious, Gustav’s smile disappeared.
How can anyone be so senseless?
Dustan’s thought raced into Ari’s head, she laughed. Gustav looked down at the ground. Seeing this Ari quickly composed herself and placed a hand on his boney shoulder.
“Gustav, don’t be so hard on you. It was a simple mistake.” She knew it was not, any sensible person would have asked before bringing it to them. “Now, we would like some water and two bowls of soup.”
Gustav’s smile returned as he took the bottles away and disappeared into the kitchen. He came back shortly with their orders.
The soup was horrible and the water was a light shade of brown but they did not complain.
“So Dustan where are you really going?” Ari fiddled with her spoon, Dustan continued to eat.
“I have told you enough already.” he responded taking a sip of his water and returning to the chilled soup.
Ari laughed, “All you told me was that you are going somewhere dark and sinister. That’s not much and I think that I deserve something more than a vague hint Dustan.”
He did not answer her, Ari stared at him.
Maybe I can read his mind? But how?
Ari continued to stare at him, nothing happened. Sighing she sat back in her chair. Sitting back up she closed her eyes and focused hard on Dustan pushing forward with her mind.
Suddenly a blast of memories flooded her head. She tried to pull back but they continued to overflow her mind. She heard a bloodcurdling scream and a menacing laugh before finding her way out.
Dustan sat there and stared at her. Ari rubbed her temples and tried to slow down her breathing.
“You were reading my thoughts weren’t you?”
“I was just trying to find out where you were headed but then it all came so fast.” Her heart was racing she never thought that one person could have so many bad memories.
Dustan stood up and grabbed her arm and brought her up to his room. Ari sat on the bed.
“I….I’m sorry I couldn’t control….I never meant to…who was that?” Ari stuttered.
Dustan took a deep breath, he knew she did not remember anything or how to control her ability, but for her to try and get all of his memories all of his secrets made him furious. But now she knew, and now he had to answer her, she had most of the pieces and he only had the corner pieces of the puzzle. He sat down next to her.
“Who are you talking about?” he sighed.
“The man who…who…” she looked away the memory she had seen was too awful to think about.
Dustan knew who she was asking about immediately. He took a deep breath.
“His name is Faizah and he murdered my family, as you saw.” Ari gave her full attention to him, tears ran down her face. Dustan never thought that his memory could have such an effect on someone.
“I have to find him and I am going to get answers and then I am going to show as much mercy as he showed my parents and my sister.”
Ari shook her head, “But how are you going to find him?”
“There were rumors a long time ago of a man coming through this way and killing off certain families and taking others captive. And if I can find the friends and remaining family of those people I can find out where he went.” Dustan looked at her with his crystal clear blue eyes, Ari smiled.
“I am coming with you then.”
Dustan did not say no, he wasn’t to stop her, he knew better than to try.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
'Ello! I'm gonna try and review this! (Bear with me, I'm still a newb at reviews.)
First off, it's a very interesting story so far! I've read the first two parts as well as this and am very curious to find what's going on. The characters are both very interesting, you've done pretty well making them likable. Ari and her mind reading are especially interesting, the way you described how it felt to go through Dustan's mind was very nice!
Over all, you could do with some more description. I'll be cliche and drag out 'show dont tell'. You've done an awful lot of telling, which of course has a place in every story, but we dont really know what things look like, smell like, feel like, or anything like that.
An Example;
You do describe that the tavern is packed and because of this it took them a while to find a table. Good! We've got an idea of the setting. You could elaborate a bit more on that though. It's a tavern, obviously it will smell like smoke, beer, and whatever is being cooked and served. It'll be loud, with people talking, the sounds all blurring together, maybe the cook is shouting orders to his staff? Anything to help picture what's going on and set the scene a bit.
Honestly, I think if you described things a bit more everywhere, not only setting but more on the characters' feelings and emotions, this could be even more interesting than it already is.
I'm not sure what you're trying to do with the mysterious man who tried offering them drinks, but it seems like a nice bit of foreshadowing, though I personally would love to see you spend a bit more time on that. It might make things more interesting and exciting.
Dustan's reaction to Ari insisting on coming seems a bit passive, though I suppose Dustan is a bit of the passive type, isn't he? Perhaps he should object a little, or at least worry about her safety and warn her before letting her just rush into things? Then again, you ended the chapter there, so maybe you did more with that later, Good job on that! Cliff hangers are a favorite ploy of mine. :3
So, again, it's really interesting and looks like it'll be very exciting too! I think I'll definitely be reading the rest and hope I helped you some. :3