:Flashes: (work in progress)

I've just started writing again and was hoping to get some feedback on what you think of what I've written so far. My story is nowhere near completed, but I have two parts up. I really would like to know if it draws you in, if anything needs to be expanded more, and if you think it can go somewhere. I know the whole story in my head, but I'm really looking for some constructive criticism. Hope you can help.

It's that same old story. My best friend got my girl. Her name was August and his was Lydon. And although it killed me inside to see them together, walking down the halls, I knew that I had already had my chance. I had gotten pretty close too. August and I had been friends since Pre-K, and all through Middle School we stuck together. When that day came when we transferred to the esteemed Chatmont Prepatory School, we knew things would be different. As we met new friends and entered into the world of "private high school" we both could feel a change in our relationship. It wasn't just hop-scotch and valentines. It was dating and relationships. August and I had always loved each other, as friends of course. But inside both of us, hidden away, we felt that we could be something more. Something meant to be. So, two weeks ago, I took a chance. I was going to ask August to the Winter Formal. I had everything planned too. Lydon drove us to a tuxedo shop in Scottsdale and I purchased the best suit I could afford. He kept pestering me about who I was going to ask and what she looked like. I knew though, that Lydon already knew. He only hung out with us all the time. Unlike me, Lydon had already gotten over seven dance invites, but turned them all down. "I'm looking for that 'special one'" he mirked. Finally my night arrived. I raced around the dorm like an idiot trying to find everything. Somehow Lydon managed to find his stuff too through the trashed room. He had been ready a half-an-hour earlier than me, and was already out the door. As for me, I was still gelling my hair and tieing my shoes. Three minutes later I checked myself in the mirror and wondered who that gorgous guy was staring straight back at me. Then a knock came at the door. I was straightening my bow tie as I opened it. August. Honestly, I was breathless. Her dress was a dazzling sky-blue, that had millions of sparkles showered on it. It ran just underneath her arms and it blew my mind. "August" I said, gasping out the air I had held in. "Riley" she replied in a laugh. Not to over do it, but her face was like a sunrise and christmas morning mixed together. She had soft, unblemished skin and cool, blue eyes. Her hair ran just below her shoulders and was perfect blonde, with the smallest ray of strawberry. Her smile showed things words can't, and right now, she was giddy.

- The next part is way in advance; Tell me what you think.-

I slowed my breathing to quick, hushed gasps. From the faint light that vented through the cracks of the door, I could see her. The final target. She staggered, searching for us. Us. I glanced back to August. Her hair had been russled and her body bore the marks of bruises. Yet she looked more radiant than ever. "How do you do it?" I whispered. "Do what?"she replied. "Stay so beautiful". Her eyes dropped and I could swear I heard a soft laugh. "You really should stop Riley". I paused. "Stop what?" Her eyes lifted until they met mine. Ice blue. "Stop wanting something you can't have". I turned back to the door. The woman had almost reached us. "If I can't have you and you don't want me, then why are we even here?" I turned back to see her response. She dropped her eyes again, but this time a small smile cracked through the corners of her lips. My own smile formed but it faded as I heard the door suddenly swing open. I turned to face the woman bearing over us. "It's over."

Tell me your thoughts please!