Published April 12, 2010
Breathe in one more time.
My last breath,
your last breath.
"Go fetch us a ring, a hoop, a lion!"
A bird, a sign, and riddle we all must play.
"You, there!Go forth with it!"
"Yes, sir."
Paint our faces, cover ours eyes, light the flame.
Growling into the horror of clowns.
Her and him, or us and them.
"Switch places after midnight,
Adam and Eve."
Boy and girl?Woman and man?Are you sure.
"Fight!Draw your swords."
"Where is my tent?Stripped in red in white."
"Red with what, sir?"
"Dear, young woman and man,
your blood and painted faces."
"Our hearts are pulled by strings,
our faces drawn with dread."
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Canary word: Present
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141,415 Literary Works • 674,394 Reviews
No problem, now for the 'Where is my tent' I was referring to a circus, a ring master yelling and the pain of the two small children who are suppose to fight each other till blood is spilled from their pale skin. Hope that helped a little.
This is good except it's abrupt. >.> If you made it flow more, it'd be easier to read. Other than that, good job. =p And some places seem to come out of the blue.
Like that. I don't know why it's even there. If you could explain, please?Also. This isn't really used in the poem other than your opener. It wasn't reinforced or anything. (except maybe by the sword fight. If you assume someone died.)
Okay, now, other than that, good job.
Good luck, keep writing.
Silented1.
P.S Sorry for my review being a bit backwards. Lol.
Yes I just did it, thanks (:
I like the meaning of this, but some parts are confusing. It sounds like in some places there are people talking, and if it is supposed to be that, put quotation marks around it.