Some say they are muscle, and some say they are bone. From the mear fragment of our past lives... we are all ashes, from fire. Ashes from the Earth.
Chapter 1; Spellbound
I curse silently under my breath, then I sigh. Abby, my four year old neighbor, is who I'm suppose to be babysitting. But she's babysitting me, because I can't seem to stay still for a whole half an hour. It's annoying, well I'm annoying, I wish I could be somewhere else most of the time well anywhere but here.
My name is Rosalinda Carlie Vials. My boyfriend, the shallow thing he is, is named Kain. He is stunning, more beautiful than me. His hair is a honey colored piece with a hint of blond. He has raging black eyes, and he is built. His best friend is his mirror. For me, my only best friend is Matthew Callaway. He has black hair and is very outgoing, but normally when he talks he makes up strange words, one of his favorites, which is a nickname for me, is Blinx.
It's supposed to stand for Yellow or hazel in his weird language. My hair is blond, wavy. I have blue eyes, with black strike out looking things in them. I am not a shy girl, though. I have a few friends, but none want to be seen with me, for some reason unknown. I hang out with Matt and Kain almost always, when I'm not being babysat by a four year old child.
She is so much like me, it's like I give off some of my personality to her, a dangerous edge creeps into her eyes whenever Kain is around. Whenever anyone is around but me, and when she looks at you, with eyes full of hate, it's like your world is falling. Like all of your will to live has just suddenly left your body.
She looks at me then, as if I was speaking the words out loud. My lower lip trembled as she smile a little too sweetly.
" Now, now, Rose. How about we go outside and soak up some sun?" She says.
Just then I have a feeling of being stabbed in my arm, I look down at the surface of my arm, smooth but with a little irritation. I brush it off, then I hear a car come up in front of the house. I can tell by the roar it's not a car, it's Kains Harley. I smile at Abby and wave goodbye as I jump on the back of it, the pain is still there but it's dying down. Maybe for a while I can just enjoy myself, but instead it feels as if I'm going to black out. And I believe I do, I fall off the motorcycle. It wasn't like a sense of falling, but I felt it. It was like a blue light exploded. Then I wake up in a white room, with Kain and Matt staring down at me. I was confused at first, then I only saw Matt. There was the blue light above him, like a halo.
Chapter 2; Different Point of View
I try to sit up, the pain in my arm is gone but there is a new pain. A heart pain, a horrid pain that just thinking about it makes my sick. I look at Kain, and he looks....angry. And then I look at Matthew, he looks green, sick...with worry. I reach my hand up to touch Matts face but Kain reaches in and takes my hand instead.
" Baby, I was so worried!" he said dramatically.
" Are you well enough to sit up?" A voice said from the door, it was a doctor. Kains father.
" Yes. I don't think anything broke. But I feel sore," Then I looked at Matt. And the same pain hit me again. The blue light grew brighter.
" Good. I'm glad Kain was driving slow or you would have been....hurt." He said.
I could not understand his hesitation,he walked out of the room then, abruptly, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered except that I knew that Matt was okay. He looked so helpless, like he just lost a childhood pet. I reached out to him now, touched his face, and he laid it in my palm.
" Are you alright, Matty?" I ask.
" Fine, I just came here to see if you were okay. Kain can I speak to you in the hall ?"
He said in a gruff voice.
They looked like they were fighting, I saw Matt palms up. Kain, fists tight, they looked at me a few times, then Kain sighed and looked toward the window outside the door. Then he walked out of the building, I could see his motorcycle I fell off of. He left without a single glance at the hospital. Matt came in, it looked like he had a lot to say. So I waited.
"Blinx, Kain is a monster. A horrid thing, he doesn't care about you....like I do. There is so much that you're missing, these head aches aren't going to get any better unless you know why. If I tell you, you must not scream or judge. I'm telling you this because I care, and I may be the only one of this damn Earth who does." he says.
" Okay, tell me, I trust you." I tell him. Even though I have never told him about my head aches. He just reads me easily.
He leans closer to me, the blue light is so bright I squint my eyes against it. He breathes in and then says," What do you know about magic in your family's past?"
Dumbfounded I say, " Um, I don't know?"
He sighs, " Okay. Listen Blinx, I have to go. But I'll be back," he said when I opened my mouth to protest. " I have some history of yours to look into. There should have been no way you could have lived through that crash. He said he was going twenty but it looked like he men't to say more." he touched my face, and my heart started to beat erratically.
" Bye, Matt."
He nodded and left the room, that was when I noticed Kains father looking at me, was he there the whole time? It didn't matter, somehow he had the same hard face as Kains' had been just a few minutes ago. He came by my bed and wrote something down of a slip of paper and handed it to me.
"It seems he's going to make this harder than it looks," Kains father says.
"What does this say ?" I ask him. It was something in Latin or Greek maybe.
He just smiled darkly and whispered, " Witch Ashes." And left the room.
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Canary word: Present
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Hey there!
I don't know why no one has commented on this, because it's very interesting!
What I think you should do is slow down. You throw description after description at us, and then she magically appears in the hospital. I didn't read any part that hinted to me that there was magic involved, so I think you should go back and decide what her magic symbol is. What's that thing that makes her magic different than all the other magic?
Other than the rushing and overloading of description, I think you have a really nice story here. I like the concept of magic being in her family, however I'm not sure (who Matt is, for one) how Matt knows about magic in her family. Usually magic is kept a secret because, well, people would go crazy if they discovered magic was real, you know? Plus, it develops a way more interesting plot of the MC has to keep a secret from the people she loves. Cliche, but a good cliche, you know?
Also, read a few pages out of a book later and study the grammar used. You have a lot of commas in places where there shouldn't be any. But, you seem to know your dialogue punctuation well, which is great!
Keep writing, and post more of this! I'd love to read it.
Classy