Nothing will ever be like yesterday,
so much hope and so much loss.
The texture of your voice,
the pain it holds within..
Like fire as it pants across my skin.
Round the circle we'll go,
finding love thats not for show.
But I'll show you how this ends,
with a gun to my head; yes we'll all win.
Wishing for the best,
but only death can past the test.
Thunder and lightning can flash across the sky,
tumbling throughout the lands...
Valley; Hills of death is where we meet again.
Such a sick twisted love story,
so much for our lovely love song.
The end is all we have to look forward to: you and I.
As we perish into our demise,
We'll die together and live forever in the afterlife.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Not the happiest poem... but that's okay, it's still good!
I think the "gun to my head" line doesn't quite fit in here. Maybe put it closer to the end and explain it a little bit.
I can see what you're trying to say, but this line needs a little more explaining, too.
I liked the end, it fits good with your poem. Especially the "so much for our lovely love song" line. Also, the way you wrote the stanzas in this poem is great!
Good job!
Emo. Totally emo.
Aside from the emo-ness I liked it. I thought It was interesting, but in the middle, where you say "with a gun to my head" it was a sudden shock. It didn't quite jive with the beginning of the poem, you know? I think you should give it a reason for the gun to the head.