I'm deserted and I'm fine,
they don't care enough to read between the lines,
let it burn me, kill me, broil me.
I don't care if they call me crazy.
It's such a sin to be yourself,
the world has gone crazy but they say I need help.
My schizophrenic mind needs some work so why don't they help?
All the words are not new to me,
I'm wacky, stupid, but that's just me.
Call me words I shall not bow to,
all the things I can't comprehend to,
Stand me there in an open field.
Tie me to a tree let me watch as they kill.
I'll laugh till my last breath and then as they die a horrid death,
I'll dare them to call me crazy.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
I liked it a lot. Changing the words up would be great. I think the meaning is the most important thing though and I think what you've said is very true and makes an impact.
This poem is so true. People are considered crazy when they're different, and it's sad. Sometimes they really are, but sometimes they aren't. I loved the poem and I hope that you keep writing.
At the beginning of a line, remember to capitalize the first letter. Grammar is always important, even in poetry.
As "ladypurple" and other reviewers said, the rhyming does seem forced- as long as it makes sense and sounds good, there's no need to rhyme.
In the poem, you seem to repeat endings. Try to find other words to use. If you can't, try a thesaurus.
Keep on writing, you have a talent.
~Lindsay
Hey Kitro, Gsp here! I'll be your reviewer today.
Now, I have a tendency to rip things to little pieces, so I'm sorry if I come across as cruel. Really, I'm only trying to help you improve.
Now, on to the review!
The third line of this doesn't make much sense, and I agree with Ladypurple; the rhymes seem forced, and it doesn't flow like a poem should.
This is probably my favorite stanza in this. However, you used the word help twice, so it's not as good as it could be. Change it if you can. And the same goes for "me".
This one doesn't make sense to me. I don't know why, but it doesn't.
Other than that, this would be great if it flowed better. It just needs a little revision.
Happy YWSing!
~Gsp
Hey Kitrosemon13. No spelling or grammar mistakes are really jumping at me right now. So all I really have to say is your rhyming feels forced and it doesn't flow too well. The message was said in a strange way but I get it. Well keep writing.
~Ladypurple.