Today just a normal day at school. Then I was called to the principal office. So much for a normal day.
The Principal said " Your being transfer to a new private school." I asked "Why?". Then he responded "They personally requested you to join."
Just when i thought I was having a normal day. At the time if I knew what was in front of me I realized for me my old school could have never been normal. Seems like i am going to Eight Star Academy.What fun I thought with a sarcastic tone.
On my way to Eight Star Academy the bus driver dropped my off three miles away from the school.The driver was to afraid to go any further. On my way there i seen why he was afraid. Having to go through a pathway in the woods walk pass a graveyard. Starting to get scared out of my skin. Kept going on thou they did personally ask for me. At the time I didn't know why they asked for me my grades were average or below average. When I was in thought thinking about why me not special. I trip over a girl who is passed out. Then i notice the school uniform. I picked her up and carried her on my back help out a fellow student after all. Right in front of the school.
"What is this suppose to be some kind of collage they did say it was a private school and nothing else" I said "Ops did I say that out loud." The girl on my back wakes up and jumps off using my back as a back spring and lands right in front of me.She take one look at me then try to start attacking me. On instinct dodge every punch and kick that came for me.The students start to take notice of the girl attacking me.
They are yelling "Come on hit him already. Why are you not fighting back chicken"After they yelled that I grabbed her wrist.
Then said "I am not gonna fight you unless you have a true reason."I started to walkaway while my back is turn to her she try to hit me. What happen earlier happened again and she fly's past my head. She became wore out then she passed out.So I pick her up put her on my back and continue to take her to the nurse office. Man what wrong with me. This girl try to basically kill me and I am still helping her out thought to myself.Time to head to class. Man the teacher gonna chew me out for being so late. Might as well take my time.How much more trouble can I get in.When I arrived to the class the teacher seemed ok except the freaky cat ears.Told me to introduce my self.
I said "I'm Charles."The teacher then had a shocked look.Then I asked "Can I sit anywhere or have to sit somewhere I have to sit.
With a shocked look"No your not in this class you have to go to class across the hall."
Couple of students shout "Why does he get to be in that class.Why can't it be me?"Thought i wan in class 1-F but turns out I have to go to class 1-C. To be honest I was a little worried whats so special about class 1-C.
When I walked in I said " Sorry I'm late. I am Charles." The teacher was diffidently weirder than the last one main thing was she had a tail
The teacher said" It's ok. Now take your seat behind your friend."Wait i have a friend thought to my self only really met three people.The girl who try to fight me, the nurse,and my teacher if that would even count.I take a look around the white walled class room and see one empty seat behind the girl who tried fighting me.Wait does the teacher think were friends.Hopeful this school year will be fun cause is definitely wont be normal.I sat down than tap the girl on her shoulder.
I said "I never got your name. What is it?"
She said "My name is Clair. Dont think we are still friends.I will settle the score."Man what did i do wrong thinking to my self.
Teacher said "Charles if you keep staring into space you get in huge trouble." "Ok welcome to Eight Star Academy. This is a school for monsters only. This may be monster only stay in human form its great pratice. No need to worry if it breaks cause no humans can ever get in." At this point I am freaking out on the inside. Why was I transfer to a school for monster only I am human. Is this why Clair attack me does she know I am human.
The teacher says"Charles I already warned you once one more time that's it."Ohh great the teacher is still talking.The teacher "That's it Charles you have two hours of detention ."
"Man teach chill out"Clair said with and anger tone. "That's it you have detention to Clair"The teacher quickly responded Man what is up with Clair one minute it seems like she hates me next minute she standing up for me.
Later at detention
"Clair why did you stick up for me?"I said with a curious tone.
"It is cause now we are even."Clair said with a grin "What do you mean?"I say with a confused look."Helping me to the nurse office even after I attack you." She says just looking at me. "Oh that it no problem." I say giving my normal fake grin."Ok I am out" she says hanging out the window "Yea me to" I say then I go out the window to. Detention is to boring for me to stay in thinking to my self.Good thing we get our own rooms after all the students are all weird but I guise to them I would be the weird one.But why am I here I am not a monster just human.Wait didnt the teacher say no human can get in,What am I.I enter my room. "Wow this room is really blue." I say out loud thinking. Ok I am gonna go to be and wake up in my bedroom in my house. I fell asleep.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,808 Reviews
Ok so I think you probably had a good vision for how you wanted this to go, but it became very unclear once you started writing it. There are many grammatical errors, and your thoughts seem to run together. Please do not be discouraged by this though! You may want to give it a day or so and then come back to rewrite it. Do not be afraid to stray from your original idea. The key to good writing is rewriting. Many authors can tell you that the first drafts of the works they are most proud of were nothing like the draft they ended up publishing. I would love to see a rewritten version of this! If you need any help with mechanics (grammar, spacing, etc.), then just message me. I would be more than happy to help anyway I possibly can.
-Kate98
Strange here and I'm going to do a raw review for you. This might break the harshness level as this will be the most harsh review I have ever done. My emotion will come through. I don't hate you so don't take this the wrong way as most people do.
This was really hard to read. It was filled with errors. I remember going to the duck park and dodging poop and I usually got some on me but I made it through. This is like Deja Vu. You spelled words wrong, no commas when there need to be commas, you sometimes used the wrong ending point. My biggest pet peeve, and something you need to know to get long in the future
Never, never ever put two different character's dialogue in the same paragraph. It becomes befuddled together. It takes the difficulty to read up a lot.
The tense switching is a problem, but it takes time to overcome. Keep it consistent because it will be more confusing if you don;t.
Do I have anything good to say about it? Eh, not my cup of tea.
Strange gives you...
5.4/10
Good job
Keep writing
Stay Groovy
*DISCLAIMER* Message me if you agree, disagree, or you want to rage on me
Hmmm, there's very many of grammatical errors. However, your writing is really raw and honest. I like it. Although, when your interjecting you're mc's thoughts into your prose, you should really put it in italics. It would also help if you read your sentences out loud, to hear what they really sound like. You switch tenses very often, keep it consistent.
My favorite part of the story, is how you show what your mc is feeling and thinking.
Anyways, sorry if this review sounds all over the place, It's twelve where I live and I'm tired.
-Supermeggs
Its ok thats its all over and i not the best with fixin my grammatical errors