If I found out my teacher was a genie, I would ask for a cheesecake because I wanted a cheesecake. Then the genie would ask me for my second wish and I would look her dead in the eye and with the most serious look I could muster say, I want another cheesecake. At this point I would think that the genie would look at me with a concerned look. After I finished eating my cheesecake, the genie would ask me what is my third wish. I would look at the genie and with my mouth full of cheesecake would yell “W. H. A. T. D. O. Y. O. U. T. H. I. N. K. I. T. W. O. U. L. D. B. E?!?!?!?!” And then I would ask for more cheesecake. I think that the genie would be very concerned for my health and my addiction to cheesecake and grant me another wish for it to help my health, but I would wish for more cheesecake. Thank you for listening to my wishes for cheesecake, and I hope you will be blessed to have cheesecake.
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Lol, this was hilarious! Though I do agree with @yoyou446 about it not being hypothetical.
Also, I was a little confused that it was the teacher who turned into a genie. I feel that didn't make much sense.
And finally, the "Whatdoyouthink?" Part, well it was amazing, and completely cracked me up, the "Would" should be a "Will" since the dialogue would be present tense.
Other than that, awesome short story! Keep on writing!
Instead of writing this as a hypothetical why don't you wright it as an actual story? It would be fascinating.
All and all the story is a good one, humous at all times. It does get a little repetitive towards the end. I feel like if you were to present the dialogue in stanzas like a poem it might flow a little batter (get it... batter... no? Okay).
You could also turn it into a philosophical conundrum by asking the genie to take away your cheesecake addiction. Are you still the same person?
This was so much fun to read. I would love to read more stuff like this.
Awww thanks!!!
I seriously could not keep a strate face reading this. Very reliable!
I love this. It was meant to be funny, and I could totally tell. I do share a love for New York Cheescake, but I tend to bury it becuase once I start I can't really stop.
I love how you express your love through cheesecake in a story, because it really shows your empathy towards it. To be honest, that genie is a great addition to such a funny story, and I was laughing at just the thought of it.
First things first. I agree with what other people have said, you do need to work on your grammar and comma use. The first thing I noticed was the run on scentences you have, but that is an easy fix. You just have to look over the writing a couple times, maybe even have someone proof it.
Overall I loved the short story, becuase it expressed something you love. It made me love it, also!
Oh, and maybe don't write cheescake so many times. Try to find a synonym or write it instead, becuase at this point we do know what you are talking about.
Xoxo, Blair
Thanks for the review!! I will be the first to admit that I am horrible at grammar and need people to proof read a lot. Maybe instead of cheesecake I could use the 'cake of cheese'. That may just be horrible and I need someone to stop me before that happens.
Buuuttt anyway thanks again for the review!!!!
Cheesecake is the best
why is this the most relatable thing i've read in a while
Hola kiraaaaaaaaaa!!!! I think this is a super funny short story and I'm so glad I came across it! If you ever worry about your cheesecake addiction, just remember that I too, am addicted to food. It's perfectly normal-- I hope. Anyways, I really loved that it wasn't too formal, because I feel like that would take away from the humor. Keep up the great stories!!!! ily
Hola kiraaaaaaaaaa!!!! I think this is a super funny short story and I'm so glad I came across it! If you ever worry about your cheesecake addiction, just remember that I too, am addicted to food. It's perfectly normal-- I hope. Anyways, I really loved that it wasn't too formal, because I feel like that would take away from the humor. Keep up the great stories!!!! ily
Aww thanks for the review! I'm glad that I'm not the only one with the food addiction. I'm glad you like it! ilyt!
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If i offend you I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)
Yes, I'm not the only one who likes cheesecake like this! Anyways I found this very funny! I'm not sure who wouldn't find this funny! Now to correcting grammar mistakes and commas.
"Then the genie would ask me for my second wish and I would look her dead in the eye, and with the most serious look I could muster, say I want another cheesecake" The comma train is a rollin'. I believe that there is no need for a comma after "eye", but if the comma after "muster" should be after "say".
" I think that the genie would be very concerned for my health and my addiction to cheesecake, and grant me another wish for it to help my health, but I would wish for more cheesecake." Yep there is no stopping the comma train. Again this is constructive criticism, no need for a comma after "cheesecake".
From what I can see you don't have any other grammar mistakes, and nothing is wrong with the commas. Keep up the writing, have a good day.
Thanks for the review. As you can see I am not that great with grammar and comma placement, but I thank you for the constructive criticism.