It felt so good knowing he cared about me this much. At least there was someone left in my life. I love hime too, but he would probably end up dying. That's what happens to everyone I love. I thought about the note some more. I couldn't figure out what to do. Should I tell him? I was to scared to enter any relationship. I aslo realize that fear is what keeps us living. I decided I would tell him I felt the same way.
"Hey." Will walked into the room. Then he got a puzzled look on his face seeing I was wearing his jeans. "Breakfat is ready. Is there a reason you have my pants on?"
"Yea. I couldn't find mine." He smiled and went over to the dresser and pulled out my jeans.
"Here. You can still wear mine if you want to."
"Okay." I fingered the note I has rushed into the jeans.
"Come eat."
"Hey."
"What?"
"I found this," I pulled out the note and handed it to him.
"Oh. This. It doesn't mean anything." My head lowered slightly. "Unless you want it to mean something."
"I do. Will I feel the same way, I was just scared." He ran his hand down my cheek.
"I was scared too. Still am."
"Me too. I don't have any one. Nowhere to live."
"I wish I had something to say." He saw the sorrow in my eyes. He pulled me torward him and kissed my forehead. "I bet you can stay here until you are old enough to move out."
"Really?"
"Yea. I'll have to make sure it's okay with my parents." I would be eighteen in a couple of monts. For now I would stay with Will.
I started to plan the funeral for my mother. She was to buried next to my father. Will was very helpful and supportive. He always offered to help anyway he could. Sometimes it was hard to deal with, but I knew I had to.
When the day arrived of her funeral I knew I couldn't do it but I did anyway for mom.
Everyone sitting, so sad. They were trying to look happy but couldn't fight the sorrow. It always seems as if our world is only filled with sorrow. Then we find those little perks, and all the sorrow seems to drift away. For awhile at least.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I am not really sure if this is a single stand-alone story of if there are other installments of this story. If I am starting in the middle of the story then I guess I am bound to be confused. But if not, then you seriously need to provide more background for your story. Anyways, I am going to review this piece as a whole and any point I do not understand, I will try not to comment on.
This was a rather sweet story. Your character seems to be going through a rather difficult time - her father is already dead, her mother has recently passed away. I feel like there is a story behind all these tragic losses in her life, but since I do not know it, I guess there is no point in wasting time over it. You managed to convey her sadness very well. Her grief is apparent in the narration and it is clear that she is afraid to get close to anyone else in her life as she fears that the same fate will befall anyone she cares for. It really is sad that she thinks this way, but I still liked the fact that we were able to connect with the character so easily.
I do not know what role Will plays in her life, but it is obvious that he is a rather important figure in the story. He is understanding and kind and considerate and he is helping the narrator through this extremely difficult time in her life. He is a very likeable character and the readers can instantly connect with him as well. I do wonder about his story though and how he came to be homeless.
However, there are several typos in this story. Usually they are quite harmless, but since there are so many in this story, I think its better if you get rid of them through some edits.
It will be 'him'.
Ah, the infamous note. I wonder what was written in it. Also it will be 'had' not 'has'. Try not to switch your tenses so much.
This sentence is incorrect. The first part of the sentence is framed like a question and then it just continues which messes up the entire structure of the sentence. It will be, "I feel the same way, I was just scared." In other words, get rid of the 'will'.
She was 'to be' buried next to my father.
Rephrase the sentence so it says: "When the day of her funeral arrived I knew I couldn't do it but I did anyway for mom."
Incomplete sentence. You can write it as : "Everyone was sitting with sorrow on their faces."
That's all!
Keep writing and have a great day!
I basically liked this. It had a smoothness to it that was kind of comforting but wasn't really different at all. Some grammatical errors:
Just fix a couple of these mistakes, and I like it!