Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Midnight,
and the fingers of night had the small city clutched in their grasp.
Although it was late, it was not quiet, and the sounds of car horns
and sirens filled the air. Along the streets, a scruffy black dog
scuffled, his feathery black tail scraping the ground. His eyes were
a bright, unnatural red, and he worse a large blue gemstone on a
string around his neck. His flat ears twitched, then stood almost
straight up as he stood stiff in front of the front steps of a ground
level apartment.
From the darkness of the alley,a second dog
appeared. This one was a short-haired, light brown color, with bright
blue eyes. He wore a tight grey chain around his neck, and there were
two more chains around his midsection, and two on each of his front
paws. He was significantly smaller than the black dog, who was rather
large anyway, but the black dog lowered his head upon seeing
him.
“Kuro,” the brown dog murmured. “Where
is Hannah? I specifically told her to meet us here.”
“You
know Hannah, she has Mother’s sense of direction,” the
black dog, Kuro answered. The brown dog let out a soft huff at
that.
“You’d be left in the desert for the
buzzards if she knew that you’d said such a thing,” he
said, and Kuro looked at the cement
“I almost wish she
would. At least it would be a sign that she was still alive.”
Both dogs went silent for a moment, before the familiar sound of one
specific car engine came from behind them. Both dogs turned as the
low-rider made its way to the curb, the bright streetlights glinting
off of the superfluous rims of the car. The car finally slowed to a
stop, and an even more superfluous woman stepped from the driver’s
side. Her thich brownish-blonde hair was in tight ringlets around her
Oriental cheeks, and her baby blue eyes were hidden by large, blood
red-rimmed sunglasses. She wore an ankle-length faux-fur coat, and
shiny, three-inch heeled black boots.
“Sorry I’m
late for the party,” she grinned, producing a pack of
cigarrettes from her coat pocket.
“Oh, put those away,”
groaned Kuro. He now sat on the cement as a tan-skinned man, his long
black hair pulled back into a ponytail, black stubble dusting his
chin. A pair of floppy dog ears at on top of his head, and his
feathery black tail curled around his thigh. A thin pair of blue
glasses sat on the edge of his nose, and his bright red eyes peered
over the rim.
“I certainly hope you weren’t
smoking with my children in the car,” growled the final member
of the trio. Like Kuro, he now sat as an Oriental man, his long brown
hair curling around his ears. He also sported a pair of dog ears and
ta tail like his brother, and a round pair of black glasses in front
of his dark yellow-brown eyes. Hannah seemed insulted, and she
wrinkled her nose.
“Please. I may be unhealthy but I’m
not stupid, Kaze. I rolled down the windows.”
“Hannah.”
“Oh,
calm down, little brother, I was kidding!” Hannah chided, and
Kaze’s tail twitched. She walked over to the side of the car
and opened the door, beckoning Kaze to follow. Kuro jumped to his
feet, buthe dared not approach as Kaze looked inside of the
car.
Resting inside of a carseat, wrapped in layers of
blankets, was a tiny golden-skinned, black haired infant. A flat pair
of black ears sat pinned against his head, and his eyes were shut
tight. Kaze admired him happily, before turning sharply towards
Hannah.
“And my daughter?” He hissed.
“Relax,
Mommy,” she chided, and Kaze frowned. “She’s on the
other side. Take him first.” Carefully, Kaze lifted the
sleeping baby into his arms, holding him close. He admired him with
love, watching as he cuddled close into his arms.
“He
was quiet most of the way, sleepin’ just like that,”
Hannah said as she emerged from the other side of the car, holding a
restless bundle in her arms. “But this little whelp wailed
almost the whole way. She just got to sleep when I pulled up.”
Kaze peered into her arms to view the tiny girl, only a little bigger
than her brother, twisting in her aunt’s grip. She, too had
golden skin like her brother, but she had a soft patch of brown hair
and lacked the puppy ears that her brother had.
“That
whelp is my daughter, and the future—”
“The
future head of the Inu-Ramirez Clan, yes, yes, we’ve been over
this,” Hannah finished, rolling her eyes. “I know.”
“Has
their father been found yet?” Kuro murmured as he looked at
both of the infants.
“Rowan’s still missing,”
Kaze murmured, gently reaching out to stroke his daughter to calm
her. “As is Mother.”
“They’re calling
off the searches tomorrow,” Hannah told them, helping Kaze so
that he could hold both infants in his arms. “What are you
going to do? They’ll be pronounced dead if they’re not
found.”
“I had a feeling this might happen,”
Kaze murmured. “This apartment is my city home. I’ll
raise them here, away from the Supernatural community, until they’re
old enough to attend the Academy.”
“You’re a
teacher, who’s going to replace you? And is it wise to separate
them from their own kind? You and I both know how volatile the
Naturals can be,” Hannah said in a rapid whisper.
“Kuro
will replace me. We made the deal in case I died,” Kaze
explained. “And even though Felidae and Akuma are presumed
dead, I doubt that they truly are. Supernaturals as strong as them
could escape an explosion of that magnitude. It would be tricky, but
possible.”
“What makes you think they won’t
follow you here, if they are alive?” Hannah asked, and Kuro
responded;
“Akuma has an intense phobia of Naturals. She
fears that which she does not understand. She won’t come near a
city full of Naturals, and Felidae won’t leave her
side.”
Hannah hesitated, as though she was thinking of
something else to say. No words came from her lips, and she sighed
instead. “Alright, I fold. Take care of my niece and nephew, so
one day I can teach ‘em the fun stuff!” With that, Hannah
lit up an unlit cigarrette, stuck it between her teeth, slid into her
car and drove off.
“Rosemary’s probably wanting me
home by now,” Kuro stated, turning back into a scruffy black
dog. “Take care, brother.”
“You too,”
Kaze murmured, and Kuro took off down the street, leaving him alone
with the two sleeping infants, the last of Rowan’s blood, in
his arms.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Definitely hooked me up!! Great start and when I have time...and when I find my glasses I'd start reading this
VP
haha, I like Kuro's name. It's literally 'black' in Japanese. works for him.
and Kaze is 'wind'.
I know you probably (ok definitely) knew this when you were writing it, but it still makes me happy, because it's as if the meanings of their names are secret.
Hi, there! Lefty here to review!
So, I find this concept to be interesting! It was an entertaining read. Excellent grammar and punctuation. It was written quite well, also!
There are lots of unanswered questions, which I think is fine for a prologue, as long a some of them are answered soon. The fact that they are part dog, part human was interesting, especially since they have their ears and tails no matter what. That steers away from cliche which is good.
Do we find out later why the daughter doesn't have ears like the rest of them? I found that to be curious. Also, you said they were Kaze's son and daughter, but then you go on to say "has their father been found yet?" which I found to be confusing, unless there's an explanation for it later on.
Now onto a few nitpicks...
"wore" not "worse".
Very nitpicky here, I think it would be good to add "out" to this sentence, so... "...woman stepped out from the drivers side."
"thick" not "thich".
"sat" not "at".
"a" not "ta".
separate "but" and "he".
Extremely nitpicky/personal preference... I think "though" should be added in there. So... "No words came from her lips, though, and she sighed instead.
Overall, nice start! I saw in the other reviews that people wanted to know more about the location, which didn't really bother me but it might be good to mention where they are or more what the city is like. Even just saying the streets of London or Tokyo or Chicago would be enough. Anyway, good job and keep writing! I enjoyed reading it. Have a nice day!
-Lefty
Ah, sorry! I was typing fast so I didn't really check for typos x.x this was also written a while ago, I just kind of posted it here for a lack of anything else to post. I think this was actually my second or third work I put on here. Thank you for reviewing, though!
Hmm Very interesting story but i have questions and maybe i am over looking and cant see to find them, but...so the dogs can turn human? I am guessing and they can communicate to each other telepathically when in their dog form? Where are they at? I know that this is just the beginning but there are so many questions unanswered. Like in general i am kinda confused on what is supposed to be going on :/ We don't really know the character that well and that makes the story hard to follow.
Well, this is just the prologue, so there will be a lot of unanswered questions ^^ I hope it gets clearer later on.
So, I'm liking this story so far, but there are a few concerns.
There are a few things that I thought could have been further delved into, like how are the dogs talking with lips that can't form words, or maybe further setup for the location of this city. I like brief setting description, but you should also briefly describe where the scene is taking place.
There is a lot of set up here, and that's all fine and good, but I would have at least liked some explanation as to what's going on, the situation, and/or the characters in this scene.
Other than these problems, I like your set up and I like this idea, I look forward to seeing what else there is to this story.
Thank you! Again, the story is just a prologue for right now, but you gain more knowledge as the story goes on.