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The Creators Gift

by kingoctavian


The creator and his creation

The world and universe is overseen by and omnipotent and omnipresent creator that passes no judgement upon his creations. The being simply provides what is needed for any specific realm. The earth specifically was created to be the land of uniformity and comfort. The world was first a realm of soil and ground only. It’s shape, flat like a table top, consistent through and through with no change anywhere in the topography just even short grass plains indefinitely in all directions as far as the eye could see. It was always daytime. In this world there is no famine not thirst no anger, no sickness, no sadness for there is no other life to incite these feelings The first creation of sentient life was the wolf. The creator told the wolf his role in the creation of this new world, the wolf was to live in this ideal place and upon death he was to inform the creator what he felt was lacking in the world and then return to it again, this was to happen until the end of time, and in this way the creator can always provide for the earth what is needed and continue the create new worlds. The wolf first lived a life of monotony and boredom nothing to pursue because it never thirsted for drink or hungered for food. The wolf felt nothing and hardly ever moved. When the wolf’s time was finished in the earth his essences was given council by the creator. The wolf told of how he wished for a reason to exist and a goal to pursue. The creator saw the need and made it so that the wolf would now have hunger, thirst, and sickness there by creating the first, and most important purpose of life, survival. The Creator knew that something must be provided to combat hunger and thirst so it provided man to the world and turned the soil into water on eastern half of the planet but warned the wolf of how the changes to this realm would endanger the wolfs overall happiness in the future. The wolf was returned to the world, this time he spawned as a man, as a man he saw the water and drank of it and found solace in knowing it was something he would now have something to occupy him throughout his existence. The man came later across a wolf he was hungry and knew that he would have to kill the wolf in order to eat it, but he realized that his present form was weak and lacked anything to carry out his task. The wolf however with its sharp teeth and claws easily defeated and consumed the man .

The wolf’s essence was again given council by the creator the wolf told the creator of how it is unfair to man to have their existence ended by the wolves without a way to protect themselves. The creator then endowed man with reasoning and provided the world with elements. The wolf was returned to the world again as a wolf and spent his time drinking and attempting to find something to eat but man had developed weapons and the wolf was not able to best man and no wolf could defeat another wolf the wolf then starved and was again greeted by the creator. He requested a higher archery of animals in order to provide food for the all creatures of the earth.The creator extended the same warning once more to the wolf, saying that the world in this chain would constantly be fighting for supremacy and the result would be a world of perpetual war and untimely deaths. The wolf did not share this sentiment saying that this would provide adventure and more purpose into the world as opposed to the empty existence the wolf had know twice experienced. With that The Creator granted the request creating all the animals that inhabit the world as well as edible plants for the weaker species to feast upon.The wolf came back to earth this time as a bear. He encountered a fish in the side of the relam filled with water and caught it, eating it with ease. He then saw a rabbit in a bush and tried to consume that as well, however the rabbit ran from him and escaped. The wolf saw this as good concluding from this that there will be no dominate race. Despite this, the wolf lived his new life in great despair, far greater than the despair he felt in any of his other lives for the only way to live was by ending another life and the only reason to live was for the purpose of living longer and continuing the species. Thereby making the only purpose for living, killing. Upon death he asked for another reason to be alive the creator now gave the world different qualities. Starting by giving the world curvature, bringing in the moon to create night then adding mountains lakes canyons waterfalls and quarries the most beautiful things the creator could come up with it gave to the world for its inhabitants to enjoy. Thus the creator gives all creatures their secondary reason to live. To see the world,discover all the beauties and secrets it has to offer. To become closer with the creator by seeing and appreciating all it has made. The wolf would later ask for new feelings to give a better way to enjoy all the spectacle that was now on the earth, the creator then put love, envy, happiness, anger, longing and sadness into the world. Which has become the third reason for living, finding the emotions that bring the most content into your life. The fact still remained in the new world however that killing and untimely death was a common part of life on earth. The wolf began to reflect on how unfair it is that other beings essences, that can experience the same feelings and pain that he does only get to experience the beautiful world the creator spent so much time meticulously crafting once and then banished to a new existence, or lack there of forever. so in his last known request the wolf asked to grant all the current beings on the earth to be bestowed with the same gift he was given: reincarnation. To be able to see the world again and again until they are fully contented with their existence. However since the creators original intention was changed by the wolf to now being a diverse and restless world. So no being will ever be able to be completely satisfied, this is why the earth remains populated. 


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10 Reviews


Points: 106
Reviews: 10

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Mon Jan 08, 2018 5:18 pm
nightmarenoodles wrote a review...



Hey hey! This story was very good, and I really enjoyed it. There are only a few issues I see with it- they are all pretty much grammatical. It was a very interesting concept, very creative and original. I like the idea of the wolf being the first sentient being, and the idea of constant reincarnation with no end to it. Is there an ending? The world may never know.

Your writing is pretty good, but I feel like if you went with the point of view of either the omnipotent spirit or the wolf it would be much more engaging and easier to understand. Dialogue, like Metamorphosis wrote, is really helpful in understanding how the story progresses.

Another thing I would recommend is spacing out your paragraphs. You did say that you didn't want any grammar corrections, so I won't go into that, since Querencia already did as well. Both of those would also help the reader understand the story. I'm not sure about other readers, but when it's in two huge paragraphs all the words blend together for me and I have trouble focusing on the sentence I'm reading. That's all me though.

Overall, I really loved the idea you wrote out. It's pretty original, as I said before, and a concept I've never really read up on until now. I give it a 7/10, simply because of grammar and other things I pointed out. I'm excited to read anything else you write!




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18 Reviews


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Mon Jan 08, 2018 1:54 am
TJJProductionsGirl wrote a review...



This story has mostly its good points and very few negative points. This story is both logical and creative filled with ideas although other people can beg to differ on whether their was a wolf or not your ideas are original and unique. I have never seen something like this. In place of a few commas I suggest you use and, or another word that fits.

Grammar: 7/10 (Quite a bit of improvement)

Creativity: 10/10 (Unique and original)

Logic: 10/10(Everything matches up)

Other than the grammar issues this was a really good story. I can't deny or ignore the fact that I loved it.




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Points: 555
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Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:10 am
Metamorphosis wrote a review...



This was a pretty interesting read. The concepts you presented were unique but also very logical, in a sense. I particularly liked how you had the creator make natural instincts such as hunger and thirst in order to provide otherwise bored beings with a purpose in life. Also, I noticed that throughout your work there are several repeated phrases, such as "the wolf was returned to the world". I'm getting the feeling that you're trying to emulate the structure of epic poems such as Homer's Odyssey. I find this to be quite a nice touch.

However, there were a handful of errors that I picked up on. Querencia mentioned most of the specific grammatical errors so I won't be going through each one. Instead I'll be providing more general statements, albeit with a few exceptions. Also, I noticed in your profile that you stated you'd prefer commentary on your content as opposed to grammar, so I'll try and stick to that.

The way that the entire story is written in third-person, with multiple long descriptive phrases and no dialogue, makes the story seem quite distant to the reader. While this makes sense considering the theme (involving an omnipotent, distant god creating the world), this format does make your text a bit convoluted and hard to follow. The problem is especially apparent in the second paragraph, where I found the lack of variety in your writing meant all the events you described blurred in my mind. For example, I'm not entirely sure what killed the wolf after the man was given weapons, nor do I see the correlation between the wolf being killed to it asking for a hierarchy of animals (assuming that's what you meant when you wrote "higher archery").

Now I know I said I wouldn't focus too much on grammar, I think improving it would greatly benefit you as it would make your stories much easier to follow. Having to reread a five-line long sentence thrice in order to figure out where punctuation should go is not a great experience, to put it lightly.

Anyway, I hope that was helpful, and not too harsh. I tried giving you both positives and improvements, but since improvements are more useful than compliments I focused more on the improvements.

Wren




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Fri Jan 05, 2018 9:15 pm
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Querencia wrote a review...



Hello kingoctavian! Welcome to YWS. :)

The first thing that strikes me about this piece is its length. And it's only two paragraphs! That's a formidable chunk of text, so you may want to consider breaking it down into multiple, smaller paragraphs.

Now, into the text itself.

and omnipotent and omnipresent creator

You probably meant "an" for that first "and".

The being simply provides what is needed for any specific realm.

What defines what is needed? Food for thought.

It’s shape, flat like a table top, consistent through and through with no change anywhere in the topography just even short grass plains indefinitely in all directions as far as the eye could see.

This is a bit of a run on sentence! Might want to cut it down a bit. Also, it's should be its, and there should probably be a "was" after tabletop.

It was always daytime. In this world there is no famine

Watch out for switching tenses! You started out with past tense, so you should probably stick with that.

The creator told the wolf his role in the creation of this new world, the wolf was to live in this ideal place and upon death he was to inform the creator what he felt was lacking in the world and then return to it again, this was to happen until the end of time, and in this way the creator can always provide for the earth what is needed and continue the create new worlds.

I really liked this idea! However, it's once again a really long run-on sentence. Watch out for those.

his essences was given council by the creator.

I can't make much sense of that. First of all, it would be his essences were since that's plural. Is it like the wolf's spirit? That can probably be clarified.

The Creator knew that something must be provided to combat hunger and thirst so it provided man to the world

I understand that the hunger needs to be combatted, but rather than the creation of man being the first option, I'd say that the creation of rabbits, mice, and other smallish mammals would be more important, since those are things that wolves most commonly eat. Man would work as food, but would be much harder to take down, and therefore don't provide a very easy solution to hunger. Just a thought.

The wolf was returned to the world, this time he spawned as a man,

Why would the wolf return as a man? If the idea is to make things good for the wolf, the predator, then the same things can't be good for a man.

higher archery

*hierarchy

Despite this, the wolf lived his new life in great despair,

Maybe you should give the wolf a name! That would make it much less confusing, since he's constantly returning as different animals.

the creator then put love, envy, happiness, anger, longing and sadness into the world.

How could the wolf have despaired (as seen in the quote above) if these emotions hadn't been created yet?

the most content into your life

Contentment might work better in this case.

Overall, I thought this was an interesting idea. However, the narration could be spiced up a little bit. It's arranged as sort of a myth, and as such, I think it could be dramatized a bit. For example, including dialogue between the Creator and the wolf, even a little bit, could really bring this story to life. Also, the narrator could adopt more of a tone -- is it terrible that no one will ever be satisfied? Is that just the way the world is? Is there an offered solution, or merely a statement of fact? Who is the audience?

I enjoyed this idea, it was interesting to read about. Good luck with further writing and revisions!

-Q





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