live like you were dying

I looked blankly at the medical paper I held weakly in my

hands. I could hardly breathe. What a poor fait to the person this

report belonged too- the diagnosis was leukemia. The poor person

had not known it was coming- not even known it was near her.

Like a sly lion it had slowly came up on its innocent victim- the

graceful gazelle. Watching her every move - imagining taking her

poor life away and feasting on her flesh, blood and chewing on her

bones. Anyone could have been the gazelle, young, old, the rich, the

poor, and yet it seamed to lurk on the most pathetic, for I was the

gazelle.

What had I done wrong in life? Why was this happening to me?

Millions of questions raced through my head as I dropped the paper

to the floor. Was I deserving?

As a child, I had always been the odd one out. Little Becky

Coleman- the shy girl. Through the years of primary, elementary an

junior high, in my small stable class of eighteen, I had never been a

friend to no one, yet I was talked about enough. I was sure I was in

an underwater cage with windows. There was no way I could get

away from their pointing and laughing. Children talked about me and

at me, but never to me. There was so much I wanted to say back- to

yell- but I could never bring myself to do so. There was too much

water in my lungs. Being under water had its downsides obviously.

And that was the way I lived. Alone and misunderstood.

Into junior high things went from bad to worse. The children

who had made fun of me when we were young, had turned into

teenagers who taunted and used me like I was a Kleenex instead of

a human . Soon afterward, I found my new friend- Mr. Razor and the

crimson tears he cried every time he touched me, which mixed with

mine as they went down the drain.

Things were going from bad to worse until suddenly- high

school happened. Grad ten year at my new school I met my first ever

friend- Mae-Mae Luella. Mae-Mae had been popular at her old school

and was still, until she met me. The day we became best friends was

the day I stopped being friends with Mr. Razor. After we started to

hang out, her friends ditched her, and started to make fun of both of

us. To this day I have no idea why she didn’t just walk away from me,

but she stayed right along side of me- and I have been grateful ever

since. Gradually they stopped making fun of us which was surprising

to me- nobody was making fun of me…I could live life beautifully like

I had always imagined. I felt like a gazelle. Graceful and happy in her

herd. I gradually made more friends, and even joined a club that

focused on helping cancer patients.

I was living life to the fullest. I had never been happier. I raced

through the beautiful plane with my herd carefree, Oblivious to the

monster that soon planned to destroy me. Then it hit me.

A long lost tear trickled down my cheek. Was my time really

over? I picked up the paper off the floor and read the beauty black,

bold print.

“ procedure pointless. patient it given an approximate six months to

live.”

There it was. Six months to make up for sixteen years of laughter

and friendship. It was impossible….wasn’t it?

No. it couldn’t be. I suddenly felt a rush of determination. It may be

impossible to make up for sixteen years of fun, but it wasn’t

impossible to have the kind of fun you’d be lucky to have in a lifetime.

And I wouldn’t do it alone- I’d take my lifesaver with me.

Excitement filled my system.

Although it was slipping through my fingers- life was about to get as

sweet as it could get.

The next few months were full of travel for Mae-Mae, our

families and I. First we had traveled to Disneyland then shanghai and

Tokyo. Mae-Mae and I had gone sky diving in Montana, and scuba

diving and bungee jumping in Hawaii. (although our parents

disapproved)

Lucky for me, the club I was in that helped cancer patients, donated

lots of money that made it possible for me to “live the life” I had never

been happier. I had spend the last five and a half months with my

best friend and our families- and I still had my long silky black hair!

I had absolutely, by far made up for my sixteen years lost and even a

little bit more.

Although about two weeks ago, just back a few days from our trip, I

started to have severe pain in my chest. I was with Mae-Mae at the

time, we were alone at my house. She started to cry rashly and

hurried for the phone to call 911- but I begged her not to. This was

the way I wanted to die- in the presence of my best friend, in the

place I knew best- not some old ambulance. I may have been being

selfish but I couldn’t help it- this was how I need to leave.

“Becky please don’t leave!” She mourned as she hugged me close.

“come on Mae-Mae, its time” I tried to consul her. Although I had

dreaded this time since I had herd about it- for some reason I was

not scared. Becky seamed more upset than I.

“No…no its not!” she pleaded as I gasped for air.

“Becky..”

“Mae-Mae please don’t cry….” I gasped. “I need you to be strong

for….for everyone else” I gasped once again. My head suddenly felt

heavy and I knew it was about time.

“But..but..” she pushed through tears

“Promise me Becky…please…you’re my…best friend I ever…had” I

gasped slower. “I love you…. Let my parents…. know I love…them..

Too”

I closed my eyes. I was so tired. So this is what it was like to die.

“I promise. I love you too Becky” she gulped as she swallowed her

tears hard.

My eyes fluttered opened. “that was all I needed to hear……” and I

drifted into a deep sleep as my eyes closed for a last time.

My parents found me dead in Mae-Mae’s arms later that evening.

Both her and my parents had cried numerous amounts of tears…but

few came from Becky. She became their comfort which helped her

own grief. I had always known she was strong.

Later on in life everyone finally moved on in the best way that they

could- which pleased me. I was also happy to see I wasn’t forgotten.

Every year, Mae-Mae, her parents, and mine celebrate my birthday in

happiness. I suppose it makes them feel closer to me. It makes me

giggle sometimes how they don’t know I am with them all the time

anyways. Well, Mae-Mae knows. (I visited her last year- she was a

little freaked out that she was seeing an angle but she accepted it )

I suppose I will tell the folks sometime soon.

Life gives you surprises all the time. I was just a late bloomer on

them. Mae-Mae was mine. And the little surprises turned into big

ones like shanghai and Hawaii. You never know what life is going to

give you next- it could be life, or even death. Whatever the case, you

should be ready. Live every day like it was your last and mean

everything you say. Laugh frequently and most of all, treasure your

friends.