Published February 11, 2010
You’re just a jerk
U just use me I’m not your little play toy no more
And u say babe I’m so sorry
But I don’t believe it at all
I saw u with her, I no what u r, and don’t think u can get me back this time
(Cuz I don’t want you)
You’re just a jerk stuck in your own little world
Your just a jerk u don’t even no how to love
U say that you want me u say that u need me u say your nothing without me
But you’re wrong because you’re just a lying,cheating,dirty,Horney,jerk.
(And she’s a SLUT!!!)
U keep making up these stories trying to get me back
But the thing that confuses me y did u do it with her
And still want me its just really stupid what r u trying to prove
Cuz we both no that were never getting back
(Cuz it’s your entire fault)
You’re just a jerk stuck in your own little world
Your just a jerk u don’t even no how to love
U say that you want me u say that u need me u say your nothing without me
But you’re wrong because you’re just a lying, cheating, dirty, Horney, jerk.
(What where u thinking)
U chase after me, u cry out my name but boy what r u playing
Ur just so sick your just not rite hurry up and get out of my life
(Ah oh ah oh)
You’re just a jerk stuck in your own little world
Your just a jerk u don’t even no how to love
U say that you want me u say that u need me u say your nothing without me
But you’re wrong because you’re just a lying, cheating, dirty, Horney, jerk.
(Why would u do that?)
Then I realize y u want me it’s because all your friends want me
U think your so cool, u think you’re that bomb, but really you’re nothing
Cuz you’re just a jerk a smelly smelly jerk!
Get over your self
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
You really need to make some serious grammar and spelling corrections. Reading that was like having forks jabbing my eyes. The 'song' itself seems to be lacking original content, or any content at all for that matter. It also seems to be from a immature and ignorant perspective. Which more mature readers wont only dislike reading, they'll get frustrated with your intelligence level. I'm sorry if this seems harsh but I'm just being honest. Try expanding your thoughts and adding meaning to your work.
First Impressions
The first thing that pops out when reading this is the horrendous spelling and grammar. If you're not even going to put enough effort into your work to spell simple words correctly, why should I put any effort into reading it? I would most certainly go through here and fix the grammar, and the chat speak must go. I realize that this is the lyrics section, but you still have to spell things correctly "u" = "you". To do otherwise is just sloppy, and it makes me not want to read anything that you've written.
On Content
The actual story of this song has been told before, "you hurt me, I hate you"... okay? There isn't any real substance here, it's just an angry person shouting about their frustration. The main problem is that there is a serious lack of anything to make it stand out from the thousand other lyrics like this. I find it difficult to find anything in here that makes it seem like it actually could even be song lyrics, come to think of it.
My suggestion would be to try to take this from an angry rant, and bring the reader in. I realize is more difficult to do with lyrics without music to back it up, however the addition of word play and some decent imagery would really take this to the next level. If you need some tips on how to add some interesting literary devices, I highly suggest checking out the [url=http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/forum152.html]Knowledge Base[/b].
Hope this helps,
OverEasy
You should fix your grammar/spelling.
Also, it sounds more like a diary entry than an actual polished piece.
The emotion was good though- it felt very raw.
This sounds more like a rant than lyrics. Please do not use text speak when you write a poem. Also I think you used "you" way too much.
The title of your poem should be "You're" Just a Jerk
Please stick with one type of "Your".
Secondly... You need commas between lying, cheating, dirty, horny, jerk
I hope this helps
Have a good day