Published April 29, 2011
A Letter to the World
So many people discriminate,
Against so many different things,
But the one that affects me most,
Is discrimination against LGBT's.
I understand it seems unnatural,
To be attracted to the same sex,
But I chose this way of life,
It's true, I confess.
Don't you remember that old saying,
The one about judging others,
The same one your mother used to say,
"Don't judge books by their covers."
People like me have feelings too,
We're not just mindless drones,
Words like gay and fag,
Hurt us as if we were being stoned.
Why does it matter,
How somebody lives,
It really doesn't affect you much,
So why should you give a shit.
Please take this message to heart,
And help us stop the bullying of LGBT's,
Please help us make this world a better place,
For both you and people like me.
I wrote this poem because so many people in my school including me are picked on for being either bi, gay, lesbain, or transgender. I'm tired of everyone thinking that it's such a bad thing, and I think that people should be able to live how they want without other people terrorizing them because they don't agree with how they live. It doesn't concern you, so just leave us alone and we won't bother you. If you are going to review this poem, if you don't have anything nice to say, then just don't even leave anything because leaving mean comments is just really immature, especially if I said specifically not to read this if you were against my cause for writing this poem.
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140,250 Literary Works • 673,071 Reviews
Hello, kimalane21! I am emeraldfox, representing the Blue Moons this review day!
This was a great poem. I could definitely relate because I have to fear every day what people will think of me simply because of who I am attracted to. You brought a lot of emotion into this poem and you did a great job putting that emotion into words. You had good word choice that made your point strong. You didn't have any spelling or formatting errors. Your rhymes worked well together and they didn't seem too forced or stretched.
I would recommend adding some more imagery in the poem. There wasn't much of it so it was hard to get a clear picture of the discrimination we have to face. I also thought that your rhythm wasn't very strong. Each poem had a different meter so it was hard to stay on a beat when reading your poem.
Just remember to mark this for language before posting it. There are some pretty young people on YWS. We have the tags for a reason!
Your poem had a great message and you got your point across well. Nice job on it! *likes*
Hint hint Sniok, not to be rude, but its called A Letter to the World. It's supposed to read like that.
Hey Kim!
Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you
All right! Now, I'm not against the subject at all because hatred is never good! So, poems that ask for less hatred are awesome. With that said, I think you can make this subject a lot more interesting! This seems really preachy and not really fantastic, whereas poetry should have one foot loosely in the world and one firmly in fantasy so that it can express itself better. For instance, poetry is only really worthwhile when it is married with metaphor.
In this poem, it seemed like you were just stating facts. If I took out the poetry form, it would read just like an opinion piece. See?
So many people discriminate against so many different things. But the one that affects me most is discrimination against LGBT's. Why does it matter how somebody lives? It really doesn't affect you so why should you give a shiz? I understand it seems unnatural to be attracted to the same sex, but I chose this way of life; it's true, I confess. Don't you remember that old saying, the one about judging others? The same one your mother used to say, "Don't judge books by their covers." People like me have feelings too. We're not just mindless drones. Words like gay and fag, hurt us as if we were being stoned. So please take this message to heart and help us stop the bullying of LGBT's. Please help us make this world a better place for both you and people like me.
If you read it like that, it doesn't even seem really poetic. Compare that to John Donne's poem here (which has homoerotic undertones, which is why I am using it):
Spoiler
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
...turns to:
Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you as yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ; that I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new. I, like an usurp'd town, to another due, labour to admit you, but O, to no end. Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend, but is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain, but am betroth'd unto your enemy ; divorce me, untie, or break that knot again, take me to you, imprison me, for I, except you enthrall me, never shall be free, nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
See? And I realize the writing style is COMPLETELY different, but you still get the idea that the poem doesn't need to be in poetic form to be considered poetic.
So! If you want to write an opinion piece, do it! But if you want to try poetry, keep your foot firmly in the fantastic. Let your imagination run where to places where it would be forbidden to go otherwise. You are writing about the LBGT community and talking about how some of the stuff is considered... why not use some of those "forbidden" images to further your point?
The point is, don't be afraid to be wild and crazy and try new things. Poetry is NOT about just rhyming words and putting it into the typical format. Poetry is about teaching words how to love dancing.
Good luck!
I know what you mean about people judging you! It's rude and immature! One of the guys I know is bisexual, everyone teases him and makes him feel worthless. People need to learn that words honestly do hurt!
You are so right. I'm straight but I have no problem with gays, bisexuals or tansgenders. Everyone is entitled to live their life how they seem fit and if that makes a person happy. I say "Be happy. Do you. Don't let anyone hold you back from reaching your true self."
As for the poem. I liked it. A good message. Don't judge because someone is different or not normal. And as for you. Keep your head up. You will rise above all of them and don't listen to the haters cause they just drinkin haterade. XD Ok let me stop before i ramble...Happy Writing!!! 
~Qoh16
It almost sounds like a set of lyrics, but I guess that means it's flowing off the tongue, which can only be a good thing.
I think maybe your second stanza should be moved towards the end, and the final question, perhaps changed to "why do you give a shit?". As it stands it's kind of suggestive, and not very final. whereas it does have the ability to pack punch so to speak.
On the penultimate stanza I like the use of the term stoned, was that a deliberate reference to the Bible?